Ok so I am getting married at the end of next year and my fiance and I have decided to start planning. First off, of course, we decide who is going to be in our wedding. He has his guys picked out, but I am having an issue. He has 3 sisters that I do get along with very well but we are not "best" friends, and I don't know if it's wrong to not have them as bridesmaids? I have 2 best friends picked out for sure, so now I gotta pick either his 3 sisters or my 3 cousins which I am pretty close to. My Mom tells me to have who I want because it is my wedding, but I don't want any hard feelings with my fiance's sisters in any way and they are the type that may get pissy if I don't have them in it...my fiance's brother got married a couple of months ago and his wife had the 3 sisters in their wedding so it almost makes me feel like I have to have them in my wedding. Is it almost tradition nowadays to have your future sister-in-laws in the wedding? His sisters or my cousins...I need advice!!
2007-09-19 08:54:57 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I guess to solve the problem just put all 8 in there? LOL but isn't that too many?
2007-09-19 09:50:36 · update #1
Listen to your mom she knows best. You do what you want. I am in the same boat. My future hubby has 2 sisters and I have 3 along with many close friends & cousins. I decided to have my sisters and his sisters because this way I won't offend any of MY friends.. I kept it in the family for that reason and because I am close to my sisters of course and have gotten very close to his as well.
2007-09-19 09:02:37 · answer #1 · answered by TTC 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your wedding. But it is also your fiance's wedding. Talk with him about it. How does he feel? He knows his sisters better than anyone. However, when it comes down to it, you will be spending a lot of time with your bridesmaids, who should all get along to make things easier. He could have them stand on his side if he really wants them in the wedding and it would help even out the sides.
I am getting married and my fiance's sister isn't in my bridal party. We both agreed to not have her in the wedding, even though he is really close to her. Fortunately, we found out that his sister was pregnant, due a week before the wedding (we moved the wedding back 3 weeks) and that was an easy enough excuse to not have her as a bridesmaid. Although, she was very upset and told my fiance how rude it was of us to not have her in the wedding and how she expected to do a reading. She eventually got over it. It won't be easy to tell them they aren't in the wedding party and they may be really hurt, but as long as they feel that they are a part of the wedding, they should understand.
You can't leave out one or two sisters. You're right - it has to be all 3 or none. Personally, I would talk to your fiance but really make it clear that you would rather have your 3 cousins. You can find another way to include the sisters - readings, ushers, musically if they are inclined, etc. Also, I would have a part of the ceremony, perhaps after the lighting of the unity candle, when you give a rose or something to each other's family members to make sure they know that you consider them family and don't have anything against them.
It's a hard situation. I found out that weddings really do bring out different sides of family members. Nothing in this day and age is wrong. Have them on his side if there is room. Have an uneven bridal party if he really wants them included. If not, have him talk with him and just explain that you both think it'd be better if they were involved in other ways. It will all be okay in the end. Just enjoy the planning process and know that everything will work out okay. Have fun and congratulations!
2007-09-20 11:01:48 · answer #2 · answered by maryanlibrarian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Someone told me to have people up there who you know will support you for lifetime. now because you are choosing between family, that may be tough, but you need to choose who you want and not worry about anyone else's feelings here. This is your day :) I chose to have my fiance's two sisters up there with me. I also have a couple of my cousins who I am close to. We have a big wedding party too. I personally don't see a huge price difference by having larger wedding parties. I'm all about saving money, but the people we chose would have attended our wedding no matter what. Anyways, that's an idea if you have to, have them all! However, if you'd prefer to only have your cousins and not his sisters, then do it. Who cares if they get mad. IT's your day not theirs!
Good luck!
2007-09-19 16:34:21 · answer #3 · answered by m930 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I got married years ago, I wanted my sister that was all I wanted, but my sister n law, wanted to be a part of the wedding, and my cousin wanted to be in the wedding, it seemed like the wedding was turning out to be every one elses but my own, but guess what I had every one in it and when you look back on it it was done and over with and by having them in your wedding it hurt no one, but if it is the $ issue ask them to help pay for thier own dresses, tacky I know but it is your wedding and of course you are in your rights to do just that, its only a wedding and your wedding is a union of both families, you should do your best to help that union go as smooth as it can
2007-09-19 16:12:44 · answer #4 · answered by laura w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you like them, I'd vote for having them all (cousins and sisters). You can build a lot of good will with them if you make this a good experience. You're going to have them in your life for a lot longer than the wedding day. Remember - a few years from now, these are going to be your kids' aunts, and their kids will be your kids' cousins. Years from now, you can show all the kids photos of your wedding and say, "Look, here's Auntie Deb, and Auntie Lynn, and Auntie Ann when I was the bride!" And you can all laugh together about how young you looked. My brother's wife included me in her wedding party, and I thought it was really sweet of her.
Don't worry about having too many bridesmaids -- symmetry for pictures is overrated. A professional photographer will be able to cope, and you can figure out a nice configuration for the processional.
Good luck, and congrats!
2007-09-19 17:00:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK I completely understand how your are feeling I had the same prob. I actually talked about it with my sweetie and we came to a decision that we both agreed on. We had the sisters (this is just my op-ion remember)
Why his brother is married and so is his sister. So we decided to take the two Set's of couples add my little bro and each have our best friends and on cousin to walk with my bro then there were no had feelings any where (not between friends or family every one is talking part!)
Just what we are doing but we talked about the pro's and con's first! Do what is best for you and your sweetie. It is your one day where you shouldn't have to justify your self. Good luck and best wishes to you on your special day
2007-09-19 16:41:33 · answer #6 · answered by typicalcagirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really what you choose. Well you and your fiance. If you choose not to have them in your bridal party....you can have them as a special part in your wedding. Make them feel special and apart of the big day. You can have them do the readings, maybe even ushers. Yes girl ushers, I was one, years ago. You can have them as the hostess for the reception, and greet everyone as they come in. Even help out with your rehersal dinner. Even a special gift for them at the rehersal dinner so they feel apart of the big day, and welcomed. You can add them in, and ask ur fiance to include 3 more guys. You shouldn't feel obligated, there's no rule. It's more of respect and welcoming thier side into yours. It's good that you all get along. Have a talk with them, and let them know the option and the situation. If you guys get along as I understand, see what they say. Also what does your fiance feel about the situation. Are you the only child? Even a special gift for them at the rehersal dinner so they feel apart of the big day, and welcomed.
2007-09-19 16:07:31 · answer #7 · answered by Jamaican Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally I would talk with all 3 sisters together, explain the situation that you really don't want to have 8 bridesmaids, but you would like to have a representative of his family, since as of that day they will be your family too. Tell them that to avoid any hurt feelings on any one of their parts that you are going to either let them decide who should be in it or to draw straws. That would be the most diplomatic. I would do the same for the 3 cousins.
This way you get to have someone from both sides of the family and everyone is happy and no one can have hurt feelings because they know that you wanted all of them and they chose who it should be.
Good Luck
2007-09-19 16:05:37 · answer #8 · answered by Cory C 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Congrats to the both of you!!
Girl, Your mom is right, so what makes you happy. It's your big day. If you are wanting to have your cousins in your wedding then do it. He picks the guys and you pick the girls.
Maybe his 3 sisters can help out another way...maybe cutting the cake to everyone to eat after you do the cake thing with hubby. Another one of them can serve the punch. The other one can help her 2 sisters.
Just a thought. Hope it all works out for you
Again, Congrats to the both of you. Health and Happiness!!
2007-09-19 16:33:12 · answer #9 · answered by blondieoftexas 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your cousins if that's who you really want. If the sisters-in-law ask about it, just say something like "we are as close as sisters, and I've always planned for them to be in my wedding" They can't really argue with that.
2007-09-19 16:10:24 · answer #10 · answered by LSU_Tiger23 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋