Am I right to be cautious?

Question

My husband and I have to be away overnight and my 16 year old son will be left home. We are both high school teachers and the pupils we teach live in our hometown. My concern is that if we leave my son 'home alone' that he might get some unwanted visitors and could experience some difficulty from the 'boy racers' who park in droves opposite our house. This difficulty could range from simple noise nuisance to a forced entry into the house. Even if he was to call the police, policing is sparse in our town and he would not have immediate assistance. For this reason, I have asked a relative to spend the night here and now he feels that it is a matter of betrayal and that we don't trust him. It is not that at all! What do you think?

It is not against the law to leave a child of 16 alone in the UK. It's just that I'm not sure that it's a good idea!

Answer 1

Wow this is always a difficult situation. You have to explain to your son that's it's not about them. What you could do instead of having the relative stay there just have he/she stop by once for dinner. Or they could just drive by the house a couple of times even something simple as a phone call. This way you son can run around the house naked (take it from a former 16 year old boy the first time your home alone you do a lot of silly things) and get some sense of independence. You can even call the house a couple of times just to say hi and check on things. I would just have the relative, stop by or call, or just drive by the house. Tell him you trust him and explain the worries you have like you did in the question. I'm sure he will take the compromise of the relative stopping by for a little bit. Or calling over having them there all night.

Answer 2

A sixteen year old boy still needs adult supervision! You are doing the RIGHT thing by having an adult relative come over while you and your husband are away. If more parents of teens did this then there wouldn't be so many PROBLEMS of unsupervised teens.

Parties get out of hand when parents are gone.

Teen couples end up "coupling" and babies get conceived when adults aren't around to supervise.

Troublemakers harass the kids who are home alone.

You and your husband work with teens for a living. You KNOW only too well what can happen when teens are left home alone!

You are smart, concerned responsible parents. Good for you!

One person below wanted to know how the other kids in the community would know their son is home alone. Many teachers go to conferences and some happen on weekdays. The kids know when their teachers are gone. These parents have booked subs in advance and will often tell their students to behave while they are gone.

Answer 3

Kudos to you mommy! I think it would be a good idea to sit down and talk with your son about why the relative will be staying the night. Explain how you and your husband feel there is danger (but do not alarm him) and let him know that you are responsible for his care and well-being although he is 16. Let him know that it is not an issue of trust but love. You love him enough to protect him while you are out.

Also, consider pre-paid cell phones if you don't already have one. They are good for kids if you don't want another bill.

Also, you may want to have the police patrol your home during the night if you really feel concerned and/or have neighbors keep an eye on your house even while the relative stays the night. Sometime the police can do this when they are not busy.

Answer 4

At 16 he is old enough to know what to do should something arise. As to the people across the street, ultimately if something bad should happen the police could deal with it, not you or your son. If the police are sparse and you believe this is a legitimate concern, then why not let him have a responsible friend sleep over. He will not appriciate having a relative to watch over him. I don't think you have much to worry about.

Answer 5

My first reaction was the typical party while the parents are away until I read everything. Is there that much of a problem in your town? I take it that your son is not all that popular?

Chances are he's already told people that he's having a party to try and fit in more. This indeed would probably end up not so good as kids tend to use each other. (which you know)

I think you are probably doing the right thing and he will get over it. Better safe than sorry.

Answer 6

You could approach this a couple of ways. I wouldn't have the relative come over. See if your son has a friend or 2 (responsible ones) who could come over. There is safety in numbers.

Or, you could see if you son wants to spend the night at a buddy's house. That way you are showing him it's not a matter of trust, but of safety. He will appreciate your honesty.

If you opt for him to stay home with a friend, make sure it looks like either you or your husband are home also with a car in the driveway or something.

Answer 7

So your reason for having a relative stay is that you believe someone will break into your house to harm your son? Is this based on past threats by the other students? If you haven't had any other threats or actions in the past, what makes you think it will happen with you away for the night? I'm just trying to assess if you are being over protective or if you are living with the regular break-in/bodily harm events. If you are being over-protective, I think you need to consider the values that you have taught your son and if you have faith that he will honor them, even if you aren't around. If you really are facing regular threats, I'd consider moving.

Answer 8

now is you son a quiet, shy or reserved type of guy?? i ask because if you are more afraid of someone breaking in how do you not know he wont invite people himself. my parents would go out of town and my brother and i would stay alone while they were gone. they figured i wouldn't allow people over because i was the one with the smart decisions and my brother was starting to get into trouble, well i would invite my friends and so would my brother. at one time my mom said my aunt or grandma was going to stay with us and i said the same thing as your son about not trusting me, well my mom gave in and let us stay alone again. we had a party and had people over and had a good time. not accusing your son will do these things, but honestly my mom trusted me so much that she never knew. of course i feel guilty now but not much i can do as this was ten years ago. all i know and have witnessed from other people is when parents go out of town while the kids stay home alone, that house ends up being the place to be for the night. my opinion is let your relative stay with him OR let him stay alone, but have your relative go check on him maybe once in the day and once at night but not to mention what time. good luck with your decision.

Answer 9

I am a mother of a 14 yr old. Trust me, you did the right thing. As long as you explain it to him just like you did here, there should be no problem. You are still the mother. Don't forget that you don't have to smooth it over with him at all. He is a teen and will forget it and be on to his next complaint sooner than you can bat an eye.! Good going, keep his protection always at the forefront as you did in this case. Take good care and God bless.

Answer 10

Instead of asking the person to stay with him, why don't you ask them if they can stop by several times that night to check on him. That way you will have an adult checking on him and then he can stay on his own and prove that he can be responsible.

Also, are you telling all these kids that you are going out of town? Is your son? If not, then how will these "boy racers" know to come over and cause problems?