I am a guy and I don't have any friends that are girls. Well I did, but then I got attracted to her and things just became weird. I can't manage to see girls just as friends because I guess my male make up won't allow it...How do I overcome this problem. I tried treating them like one of the guys but that didn't work. I don't know how to approach females and be just friends. I always have this anxiety to court them in a way and I do things to satisfy them.
Maybe I had a bad relationship with my mom during my childhood?
2007-09-19 07:10:25 · 41 answers · asked by The New Guy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The only kind of girls most guys can have a platonic relationship with are girls that they don't find attractive.
2007-09-19 07:13:10 · answer #1 · answered by Chantay 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
I am with you 100% I am the exact same way, and I feel I had a great relationship with my mother growing up. The problem is that when your friends with a girl. You look for qualities in a friend that you like loyalty, generous, similar interest. The bad part is these are the same qualities that make a great girlfriend. Especially if you deal with females that are good looking. I would have to say that its easier to be just friend with a girl if you in a commited relationship. I mean the attraction will still be there, but you love of your partner will keep you from crossing the line. They say the best lovers can be friends as well as lovers. So its a problem for most guys your not alone its more of a test of will power. There are very few straight guys that can have female friends. My test is that if you both were single (you and the girl), and she presented herself sexually to you would you resist. In 99% of the cases probably not even if she's not attractive. Sorry buddy just work on that will power.
2007-09-19 07:21:03 · answer #2 · answered by newburg_2_fine 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have plenty of female friends. Some of them I find are extremely attractive. The thing that I do that may be different from you is I make a conscious choice to keep it on the level of friendship. The fact that I am already married probably has a lot to do with it as well, but it's still a choice I make. I know there are plenty of guys out there who would still choose to have an affair with a female friend even if they are married to someone else. But I choose to leave it as friends & not let things get complicated by attempting to carry my relationship with these women any further.
Plus I don't treat them "like one of the guys" either. They are attractive sexy women, & I treat them as such. I simply stop short of putting the moves on any of them.
I don't know about your relationship with your mom, & I don't know if it had an affect on the way you view women, although I guess that it probably does. But if you can only look at women in one way, that being a potential girlfriend or sex partner, then I suggest that you simply learn to accept that.
2007-09-19 07:29:20 · answer #3 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is virtually impossible for men and women to have a platonic relationship. Often as friends we get to know peole on an intimate level. If a person has qualities that you find attractive, even if you are just friends, feeling are bound to surface. Don't fight it, it is not a problem. You should never marry anyone who is not your best friend anyway, so starting a relatioship with someone you already know, and like is not bad. The big risk you run is loosing your friendship if you break up. But concealing feelings because you feel they are wrong can be a direct route to ending a friendship anyway. Then you have to start lying about your feelings, and maybe worse. Just go with it, could be the best thing that ever happened to you.
2007-09-19 07:17:43 · answer #4 · answered by pinkprincesserica 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I doubt that has much to do with it. We are naturally inclined to be attracted to one another as opposite breeds. The best remedy I've found fairly effective was to choose your female friends wiser by selecting those that you are totally not your type at all (unless you have some shallow in you not to be seen with someone you consider completely unattractive). I find the friendships last longer. Also, this will help once you are in a relationship. It may be more believable to your next girlfriend that you both are just friends and it will remain that way. Then, at least you'll only have to worry about your female friends wanting something to do with you, although I think women are better at remaining friends and focusing our interest elsewhere.
2007-09-19 07:40:41 · answer #5 · answered by V 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At least you are trying.
In my experience, women are able to have platonic relationships with men far easier than men can with women.
It will get easier as you get older and stop seeing every woman you meet as a potential mate.
What you are feeling is basic biology. Just keep in mind that even if you have the "courting' instinct, nothing has to come of it. You can still be friends.
I have had male friends all of my life.
At times there were guys that I could tell might have something else on their mind, but it takes two to tango, so to speak, so don't worry about it so much. If you don't get 'go ahead' signals from the girl, just drop it.
2007-09-19 07:18:55 · answer #6 · answered by maxmom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that used to be me but i got over it... and im a girl..
the thing is that u dunt have to treat them like a guy just to make urself feel better.. u should just b friendly with them and dunt spend too much time with them.. the thing is that u might be finding the wrong gurls since they want to be friends.. if there is someone that u are attracted to then u should simply try and make her like u and then afterwards try courting her when u see that she is on the same page where feelings and the road of the relationship is going.. :)
also i think that u should take it easy and dunt think about a relationship.. remember that when the time is right the gurl of ur dreams will come and u wont expect it and then u will fall in love without even knowing it..
right now just enjoy what life has to offer and good luck,.
2007-09-19 07:16:01 · answer #7 · answered by Chiv D 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well... you are seeing the females as conquests, not friends. You are probably hoping that the friendship becomes something more and you put those vibes out there. Girls don't like that when the guy says he just wants to be friends and then makes a move.
Put that in your head, that you will NEVER be attracted to the person you want to be friends with. Treat them just like your other friends, don't try to impress them, be yourself with them and that will lead to a friendship. But DON'T EVER try anything romantic, no hand holding, no bashing of guys she dates, no kissing, no telling her that you feel something for her. That will end it immediately!
And, don't believe that guys and girls can't be friends. I have a whole group of guys that I have been friends with for over 10 years. And yes, I started out dating one of them, and then about a year after we broke up we ran into one another and I started hanging out with him and his friends. They are the best! But, they also know that there will NEVER be anything between any of us.
2007-09-19 07:19:52 · answer #8 · answered by Grinch 67 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most males don't have a 'clue' how to be 'platonic friends' with a female ... that is something that must be 'taught' when they are small children. I doubt that you had a 'bad relationship' with your mother ... only that she and your father didn't teach you how to be 'platonic friends' with a girl, so you are 'lost' as a man.
Try 'desexualizing' ALL of your friendships ... don't treat the 'guys' like 'guys' and don't treat the 'girls' like 'girls.' That way you can 'make friends' with both in a 'non-sexual manner' ...
I have one warning, though. You may be thought to be 'gay' if you do 'desexualize' all of your 'relationships' with people ... but don't worry too much about that. I tell you this only because when my now husband and I announced our engagement, six people took me aside and 'confided' to me that he was GAY. My husband is not 'GAY' ... he was raised by three women (mother and two sisters) and has tremendous respect and admiration for women ...and I am 'spoiled' by this man who LOVES ME, just as I spoil him for the same reason. We've been married for nearly 11 years, and are 'looking forward' to many, many more, and to 'dying hand in hand' ... and being together in 'the next world' too.
2007-09-19 07:18:59 · answer #9 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try becoming friends with a lesbian... seriously. You have no chance at all to get anywhere in that respect no matter what your "maleness" decides and she can truly be one of the guys. You can talk about women to a woman... I think that would work out just fine. That may be the first step in overcoming your problem. Why not?
2007-09-19 07:17:00 · answer #10 · answered by NY PTK 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Just talk to them without the thought of going on a date with her. I'm completely the opposite, I've seem to make more female friends then males but I've never had the thought of a date with them and never did. I still do nice things to them which is fine so carry on
2007-09-19 07:16:09 · answer #11 · answered by Ben's Snake Pit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋