he doesnt ask her out?

Question

My best friend has been dating a guy exclusively for four months and he never directly asks her out (not since the first two dates) always asks what she is doing that evening or Friday and she tells him what she wants to do ro where she wants to go.He says that he figures if she wants to see him she will just come over and he doesnt want it to be a big deal if she says no. Than sounds like he is keepin his distance to keep from being rejected to me but I never heard that before. What do you guys think?

Answer 1

I think you are exactly right. For men it is often very difficult to ask women out because of the fear of rejection. Many women understand this and take a perverse delight in their refusal. I think this is why most women prefer men to do the asking - it's a kind of power game.

I had one friend who adopted the attitude that it was simply fun to watch a woman's reaction when he asked her out. Even if she refused her rejection can be interesting. I thought this was a clever idea to try to remove your ego from the process. Needless to say, he became very good at getting dates!

Answer 2

At some point it is normal and acceptable for a man or a woman to presume that they will be spending time on the weekends together, assumed dates if you will. I believe 4 months does fall into that category, especially if they have some kind of connection or feelings for each other.

I was never asked to go on a "date," nor did I ever ask to go on a "date," by ANY of my previous boyfriends/ex-husband/or fiancé today. It was just assumed once we became close that we were spending the "date nights" together. Prior to becoming close it was more that we had a group of friends with us, not exactly "dates."

It does sound like the BF is playing it cool, but I'm not sure it's a fear of rejection... A fear of rejection is not something that just appears, it is a learned reaction. You say that he had asked her out on dates before, so I would say he's not afraid of rejection, or at least that fear of rejection is NOT what is stopping him from asking her on dates.

It could be that he does not want to seem to needy and "scare her off." He seems to want to be with her since he is asking what she's up to, but on the other hand he may not want her to think that he's in love with her so he doesn't push the issue if she doesn't want to come see him.

He may also be testing her in a way, if she wants to be with him as much as he wants to be with her then she'll come over and spend time with him. He doesn't want to get his hopes up and get his heart broken, so he tries to portray that he's cool if she doesn't show up.

Or it could just be that he's taking things slow, had a bad experience in the past or was raised to be passive in relationships and dating...

Answer 3

doesn't sound like he wants anything emotional