i need some thing to cheer me up
2007-09-19 05:54:34 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
doctor doctor why do i feel slow .............
well maby if you looked in a mirrow you would see you were a turtel
2007-09-19 06:34:11 · answer #1 · answered by tinker_bell 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do you know why they’re now using lawyers instead of rats for scientific experiments? Because 1. There are many more lawyers than there are rats; 2. There is no danger of forming any attachment to the lawyers; 3. There are certain things that even rats won’t do.
*****
Did you hear about the post office canceling its commemorative stamp honoring lawyers? It seems people were confused - they didn’t know which side to spit on.
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A priest, a rabbi and a minister are in a boat out in the middle of a lake. The priest says, “I’m thirsty. I’m going to get something to drink.” So he steps out of the boat, walks across the water to shore, gets a soda, walks back across the water and gets back in the boat.
The minister says, “I’m thirsty too.” So he walks across the water to shore, gets a soda and walks back to the boat.
The rabbi says, “My turn.” He gets out of the boat and immediately sinks.
The priest turns to the minister. “Think we should’ve told him where the rocks were?”
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Michaelangelo and a politician arrive at the Pearly Gates. St Peter proclaims, “He’s here! He’s here!” and ushers the politician inside as trumpets sound and angels sing. As Michelangelo follows, the gates slam in his face. Shaken, he knocks. St. Peter appears.
“I don’t understand,” Michaelangelo says. “I have served God all my life through my work, and I arrive here and am completely ignored in the midst of the tremendous welcome for, of all people, a politician!”
“I’m sorry,” says St. Peter. “We have a lot of artists and religious people in heaven. But this is our first politician!”
*****
A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a Harley Davidson motorcycle when he spotted a famous heart surgeon in his shop.
The mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey Doc, look at this engine. I can open it up, take the valves out, fix ‘em, put in new parts, and when I finish, this will work just like new. So how come I get a pittance and you get a really big money when we do basically the same work?”
The surgeon leaned over and said to the mechanic, “Try doing it while the engine is running.”
also these:
http://abelle.blogrox.com/category/laughing-gas/
2007-09-19 13:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A lady gets on the bus with a new baby and the bus drivers says that's the ugliest baby he has ever seen. She stomps to the back of the bus, being so angry. A guy in the back asks her what is wrong and he says he will have some words with the driver, because he is not supposed to talk to people like that. After several minutes he comes back and says everything is okay now. You and your monkey will have no more problems.
I have more, so any time you're down, just email me.
2007-09-19 13:01:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Joke:
A newly wed couple were getting dressed one morning and the wife was looking for something to wear and the husband casually threw a pair of his pants at her. She stared at the pants with a confused expression, "I can't wear these pants." And the husband retorted, "That's right, that's because I'm the man of the house and I what I say goes." And the woman quietly laid down the pants on the bed and opened a drawer and then threw a pair of panty hose at him and the husband said, "I can't get into these." And she retorted, "That's right and you won't until you get those silly ideas out of your head."
2007-09-19 13:07:01 · answer #4 · answered by Nathaniel 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Here's a Limerick for you...
There was an old woman from China
Who went to sea on a liner.
She fell off the deck
And twisted her neck
And now she can see right behind her
2007-09-19 13:32:39 · answer #5 · answered by Lov'n IT! 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
what do you call a cow that twitches?
beef jerky.
hope that helped thats all i could think of because i was eating laffy taffy at my desk. :)
2007-09-19 13:02:59 · answer #6 · answered by loving life!!!!! 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
There’s no pleasing women – they even moan when they’re having an orgasm
2007-09-19 14:51:16 · answer #7 · answered by postypaul 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
my car is a religious experience... everyday i have to pray for it to work
2007-09-19 12:59:27 · answer #8 · answered by scarred_lestat 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
yo mama is so old that she sat next to jesus in 3rd grade
2007-09-19 13:00:41 · answer #9 · answered by Noah L 2 · 3⤊ 3⤋
WATCH DRAKE N JOSH.IT REEEEEEALLY HELPS!!!!!
2007-09-19 13:00:13 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋