I am a guy that is sub-par in looks--according to my friends that are girls (not hideous) but like a 3-4/10. Im not dynamic in personality--bit boring (until you get to know me). I am a caring person tho---i am the one person that'll stay up for hours just listening to a friend and trying to help them. And yet guys around me, who are better looking get all the attention. I feel like i live in their shadow. A lot of them act insensitive and sometimes like jerks (according to many girls) and yet girls still run after them. Girls wont even look at me or give me a simple chance to get to kno them (yes i take initative to meet sometimes) The ones that are my friends, i talk with them, care for them, listen to them (according to some thats my biggest skill) give them all attention they need--yet they dont appreciate it. What should i do? I want to be appreciated/noticed/give a chance by girls! Im not desperate, but frusterated of not being noticed and never being given a chance.
2007-09-19 05:15:19 · 71 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Change your image, the way you dress, and try to develop a sense of humour.
2007-09-19 05:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by bgee2001ca 7 · 8⤊ 0⤋
First step is to stop thinking of yourself as unattractive and boring! What is so unattractive about you? If that awful show "The Swan" taught us anything, it's that looks can be changed! I know that's a horrible example, and no one should go to such great lengths, but seriously, there are solutions. Think about what it is making you feel unattractive. Your weight? Start working out! Do you have acne? Get some proactive. Change your hair, go shopping and get some new clothes. These are total girl solutions, but it sounds like you need a confidence booster.
You admit that you're a caring person and not boring, it sounds like you just have a little trouble opening up. Just be confident in who you are, stop worrying about what girls or anyone else thinks about you, and have fun! Girls are attracted to confidence first and foremost. You'll be fine. I truly believe there's someone out there for everyone:-)
And I will say for women - I don't know how old you are but especially younger girls love caring guys, but are attracted to the jerks. I don't know why. It makes no sense. But just give it some time, don't abandon your caring attitude, and someday you'll meet a girl that appreciates you for it. I know I appreciate it more the older I get (I'm 25).
2007-09-19 05:25:36 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Aww buddy, I feel for ya. Well, I don't mean to sound superficial but maybe you can up the ante in the looks department? If you need to lose a bit of weight, go for it. It could make all the difference and maybe give you a little more confidence that is SURE to get any girl's attention. I think I have the same problem with personality, but all my friends tell me I've got a great personality. So your self-esteem obviously plays into this. I'm interested to see how the other answers will turn out; but I hope this helped you a little. I really wish you the best!
2007-09-19 05:21:12 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a nice guy. I take it you in high school? High school is really cliqish and people are really shallow. In a few years, even at the college level you'll see most people stop being clique and only hanging out with "cool people" and everyone just kind of gets along much better, though you'll always have a few idiots who still act like high schoolers in their 40's. I would say it's not until you get a little older that women start appreciating you for being nice. Younger girls if you buy them flowers or do nice things often take it as you being weak or pathetic if you do nice things for them. I'm 24, but date a woman in her 30's because older women seem to know what they want and not actually appreciate nice things you do for them. Give it some time. If you really want to get girls to notice you I guess you could go for some niche group. If your a skater get into that culture/lifestyle, if your a goth get into that, if your a athlete get into that. Women like a guy who is doing things and there's always a girl out there who likes a certain type of guy.
2007-09-19 05:27:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are a product of the times. For the moment, looks are over-rated within your circle of friends and associates. You may have to wait a little longer to find her, but she is out there.
You might try matching yourself with someone you consider to be a 3-4 on a scale of 10.
Try becoming very, very good at something other than problem-solving. Perhaps a sport. Females tend to be attracted to muscular, athletic males. Don't over do it, though.
Wear just enough cologne and be sure that you have attended to any obvious, fixable things about yourself. Try Drakkar, and be sure not to put on too much. Just a dab or two on the neck is sufficient.
Build confidence with the ladies by speaking up for yourself a little more. Don't allow a verbal attack to go unchecked anymore. Start developing your defense--positively. But first, you must be crystal-clear about who you are in order to have the right effect.
Lastly, tone-down your searching activities. Ladies can sense aggression and it wedges the encounter. Relax and tweak-up the knowledge that you are indeed good enough.
Good luck.
2007-09-19 05:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by Starte Christ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Capitalize on your weaknesses, if you wear glasses get designer glasses, get great clothes but not high fashon,hang with a crowd that will accept you so you're not always alon, join clubs, do volunteer work, get out among others, hygiene is important, Wear clean clothes if you can't afford 7 new sets of clothes get2or3 but vary what you wear and wash and iron everything, look at goodwill for some things, like coats pants etc. Don't act needy and be yourself. You seem nice do nice things and a nice girl will find you, I am an idiot and the cutest girl in school married me
Remember Clark Kent mild mannered boy from Kansas is Superman
2007-09-19 05:28:12 · answer #6 · answered by frank 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you know you are not that good looking, why not look through some magazines, and find a style you like and try to dress in that fashion. Sometimes the way a guy dresses and styles his hair makes him so much more good looking. Another thing you could do is just start getting out more. Go to dance clubs and just dance with different kinds of women. Maybe join some clubs or take up a hobby. There are tons of things you could do to make your appearance a lot better.
2007-09-19 05:24:57 · answer #7 · answered by lpogue2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was actually married to what most people would consider a "hot guy" --- BUT he was a big JERK!
I met a great, very AVERAGE looking guy about 2 years ago; and I honestly would have never thought twice, had I never seen him again. BUT we went on a 2nd date, and what (at first) seemed like an average-looking guy, turned into a "HOTTIE" simply based on his AWESOME PERSONALITY!
Take heart! This is the best advice I can give you: If you find a girl who you really like, try spending time w. her just a FRIENDS first. Give her an opportunity to GET to really KNOW you, and she will discover that a GREAT personality is WORTH soo much more that just "model" looks.
IF she doesn't realize that overtime, then you know she was not the girl for you!
I fell in love w. my "average guy" because of the SWEET and THOUGHTFUL things he would do for me... so be sure YOU do those sweet and thoughtful things for the girl you like, too. Start out as FRIENDS first, and over time, you just may be surprised! : )
Also, invest in a GREAT HAIRCUT... looking your BEST can't hurt, right? Do you have acne? Invest in a great dermatologist or try some OTC acne medications.... Do you wear glasses? Maybe try CONTACTS -- or --- Invest in a STYLISH new pair of glasses (have a girl help you pick them out).
How do you dress? Sloppy? Jeans and holey t-shirt, old sneakers? GIRLS definitely NOTICE how a guy dresses! Invest in a nice pr. of jeans and some stylish shirts (check out Express for guys!)
http://www.expressfashion.com/index.jsp
Express carries GREAT clothes for guys!
Make sure whenever you around girls, your hair is neat, you are dressed neatly, you have FRESH breath (so important! ; ), and be your SWEET SELF!
Eventually, you will find the right girl who will not only APPRECIATE you, but she will think YOU are a HOTTIE, because she will appreciate how sweet and thoughtful you are!!!
: )
Good luck!
: )
2007-09-19 05:27:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you don't have to be good looking (though it would help). The think with jerks is that they are confident, even a bit arrogant. That's why women run after them. Don't try to figure it out too much, it just works like that.
Help you friends by all means, but you won't attract a woman by being a doormat or kissing ***. If you think about it, being a "nice guy" can mean kissing *** and hoping you'll get laid. No offence intended my friend. Looking for approval can indicate neediness. Who the hell are you hanging around with that they feel free to tell you you are a 3/4 out of 10?!!
2007-09-19 05:25:22 · answer #9 · answered by Hoolahoop 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I somewhat understand where you're coming from. I'm not sure if the looks thing can necessarily be resolved. Maybe if you try a new haircut or something it may look better. As far as the rest, maybe you should try to be more outgoing. I'm not saying to necessarily go up to random girls and just start talking about random things, they may not like that. But for the few girls that may come your way, try not to be shy and to be more outgoing. Girls absolutely love that you are very caring, but unless they find you in the first place, they will never know. So be more open and talkative and try not to be as boring, and hopefully you may catch somebody's attention. And when you do, I'm sure you'll be able to keep it.
2007-09-19 05:22:03 · answer #10 · answered by pianodev 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Taking the "Nice, listening, sensitive" roll with girls is a good way for her to only see you as her friend. They want to see confidence and pleasant disposition. That's why being a jerk gets many guys attention, girls want a guy that knows what he wants and shows it. Being the one that lets her cry on your shoulder will get you friends not lovers. You say your boring? Sounds like lack of confidence is your biggest obstacle. Look within for and ask yourself "if i were a girl would i be interested?" You will probably say no, cause you dont find yourself interesting or attractive. Keep thinking like that and you will always be in someones shadow. Snap out of it! find things you like and enjoy being around yourself once you do that girls will want to be around you. Looks only matter if you have nothing else to offer.
2007-09-19 05:28:35 · answer #11 · answered by Kris D 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋