So my b/f and I have lived together for 5 months. I cought him looking at porn 1 day &I got really upset, we didn't talk for a few hours, then eventually discussed it and he said he wouldn't do it anymore. our anniversary is comming up and he is planning a day thing that is going 2 be a surprise. I was curious & looked through the cookies on our PC to try & figure out the surprise, when I came accross a porn site that has profiles of girls who live in the cities surrounding us. I became instantly offended and insulted by this. I do not want to start a fight as I know that most men consider porn a "necessity". I have treid to shrug it off but it is still eating me up inside. He knows I am upset about something & has asked me about it but I won't tell him. I don't know how 2 confront him about how this is making me feel. He dosn't know that I found his website. I don't want to jepordize what we have because it is incredible but I need to deal with my insecurity & why he must have porn.
2007-09-19 05:10:41 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
just and FYI...
The computer is mine, but we share it and I delete the cookies on a regular basis, its a habit I have...
the first time I caught him with the porn, he said I scared him because I didn't think he was attracted to me, which was because he resorted to porn to get satisfied.
I do own a couple of "outfits" and I enjoy wearing them and he enjoys it too, when I ask him what he wants for christmas or his birthday etc. he wants me to buy a new outfit. we own a vibr@tor and use it often, we do not have an issue with our sex life as intimacy occurs 3 to 4 times a week. I just don't understand the need for something like porn when you are already being sexually satisfied. am I missing something?
2007-09-19 07:55:27 · update #1
Watching porn is normal to a certain extent.. however, the whole "babes nearby" thing is a bit troubling. Tell him what and why it bothers you. Of course that if you forbid him to watch it he'll go behind your back. Ask him why he needs it, whether he feels something is lacking from your sexual life and adapt from there on ( as much as you are willing to ). I always say honesty is the best way to get what you want.. when you know how to state the truth :) Good luck.
2007-09-19 05:16:53 · answer #1 · answered by blabla 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, shame on you for digging around trying to figure out the surprise. And some things that may change how you look at this, first when was the last time the cookies where cleaned off of his computer, is it possible that they are from before he told you he would no longer look at porn? Secondly, before you freak out about the profiles of girls that live in surrounding areas, are you sure they aren't adds? It is very common for porn sites to have adds showing pictures of girls (most of the time they're models and aren't even chicks who have profiles) that include a city near your address and they're supposed to be hook up sites. It is possible you found a site with these adds and that's not what the site is about.
The best way to confront him without letting him know would be to actually talk to him about porn, you'll probably have to let him know since you are noticeably upset for the past few days now. So say you were snooping and revisit the discussion.
Don't forget this came about because of *your* snooping, if I were him my mind would glaze over the "you've been looking at porn" part and focus on the "I was digging around your computer files without your permission" part.
2007-09-19 05:36:23 · answer #2 · answered by Manny 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First of all ... Ok while men like to look at porn, dating sites should be off limits while he is in a relationship so yes you have every right to be upset, and you really need to call him on it since you don't know if he is meeting any of these women.
Now then back to the porn, women really need to "get a life" when it come to pornography. Men are visual creatures and it satisfiey a fantasy need. Perhaps he looks at things that he enjoys but knows you aren't into and doesn't want to pressure you into doing something that you don't want. Heck if you look at a bit together, who knows what it might lead to, it could turn you on more then you ever thought possible.
And last, but not least. Why WERE YOU SNOOPING IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!. You know he was trying to surprise you, but you couldn't let him do it. So while you might not have a reason not to trust him, he certainly has a reason not to trust you.
2007-09-19 05:21:22 · answer #3 · answered by Lost in Merryland 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello!
Let me just say has a man myself that I too have found myself looking at the many sites out on the net. Now I am married and I have beautiful daughter too. And even with that being said, I have found myself just addicted to looking at the images. I mean.. I liken it to a person who has a drinking problem, but still goes into the bar, promising he will just drink a soda! I do believe that men are very much visual when it comes to women anyway. And with all the porn that is out there..man, it is a BIG temptation! And I think you would be surprised has to how many men this effects! Doctors, Lawyers, Clergy, School teacher, etc. I know that it has made MY LIFE difficult because my wife things that she is not making me happy! And that is not fair to her at all!
So, talk to him seriously about this issue!
2007-09-19 05:24:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel. I think the "local girls" thing is not right though. Honestly, on every porn website, there's ads that find our your IP address to say "MEET MARIA, 19 yrs old IN (your home town) TODAY!" and has their picture. It may have been just an ad.
I let my man have the freedom to watch porn and I LOVE how he is honest with me about it. But it really starts to affect how I feel about our relationship. I mean, sometimes we'll start to have sex and he'll be uninterested and wont "finish". so I'll get off him and sit there and start crying because apparently, I cant get my own man off anymore in bed. Then I ask why he cant ***, and his answer is "Probably because I was looking at the laptop earlier today." OH OK, WELL THANK YOU FOR THAT TIDBIT OF INFO. Its nice to know that you can get off to your little virtual fantasy, yet you cant even *** in REAL LIFE when youre with me.
2007-09-19 05:28:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Most guys don't realize that if they get addicted to porn their sex life is severly altered. Nothing seems good enough in the bedroom. Porn once in a while is ok. My boyfriend and I watch it together sometimes. It livens it up in the bedroom....once you get desensitized to it though you become disatisfied with the woman you are with. If he is looking at women near his home.......yikes, that would bother me. He may be looking for a hookup with some freaky deaky. I would confront him on it and tell him if it doesn't stop you two are done. I am telling you this from experience. THis guy got so into it that he started to become very strange to be around. It was creepy. Don't fall for it when they say it is a neccessity. It is not. I know a lot of men who don't spend time on internet porn sites. He has you there, why does he feel the need to see other women getting it on with someone he doesn't know? I think if they are sneaking around doing it, it is a very creepy thing.
2007-09-19 05:19:50 · answer #6 · answered by Paula D 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know exactly what you mean. I've broken up with a boyfriend over this issue. I really dont care what reasons they give - no men do not NEED to have porn, that nothing more than a lazy excuse. The point at the end of the day is that any guy who is worthy of you will respect your concerns and stop, or at least discuss it to where you can reach a compromise (let him read playboy but eliminate the computer/videos) Although even that is going to affect your feelings, because honestly how good can it make any girl feel to know that you arent enough for your guy?
2007-09-19 05:18:34 · answer #7 · answered by radiancia 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Your right, most guys I know look at porn and thinks it's a normal thing. But the fact that your boyfriend was looking at women from local areas would stir my curiosity as well. I would just be up front and honest and tell him what you did. I am sure he will be upset that you were being nosy, but the fact that he was looking at local girls brings up flags in my mind. I would break things off with him. Sounds like he may be wanting to cheat on you. Save yourself before it's too late.
2007-09-19 05:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by lpogue2005 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should not consider yourself insecure that you are uncomfortable with him and his porn involvement. It is NOT your problem, and it IS a problem. You should not have to "accept" things that make you feel uncomfortable. Also, though, in reality, you really weaken your argument by living together. I wholeheartedly disagree with the advice that you should be "good in bed" and he will stop. That is flawed thinking. You are not responsible for his issues of character. Every discrepancy can evolve into a bigger problem. Pay attention to problems at this level, as a man should treat you with the most respect EVER at this stage, his commitment will diminish, not grow, -we all are human,, and his behavior would be at its pinnacle now, so don't settle for less.
2007-09-19 05:25:48 · answer #9 · answered by M V 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has porn because he's a man. Accept it or look for a man who doesn't look at it. Good luck on the second option. Men love women, we really love looking at naked women. It is not about you. Men are visual and it does help with our fantasies when we take care of ourselves. Again, it isn't about you. If you don't want to jeopardize your great relationship then accept him as is and don't try to change him. It never works and you will create a rift between you. Your insecurity is for you to deal with in a productive manner. You might also watch some with him. Find out what trips his trigger. Maybe some mutual masturbation.
2007-09-19 05:19:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋