He says I should Bake our Wedding Cake and I Say NO, What do I do ??

Question

Wedding Cake Dilemma!?

Ok, My husband (whome I married 4 months ago and are having a big wedding/reception next may) thinks it is dumb to spend money on a Professionally done Bridal Cake. (he is very frugal when it comes to money, and insists on a GROCERY STORE CAKE)

I have showed him how great they can look and professionally done and he suggests (since I do cook/bake a lot) to make our own for the wedding.

There is 250 days left until the big wedding and I am getting seconds thoughts on doing it because I know I will be running around with a million different things days before it.

He said to enlist my mother in law and sister in law in for extra help on the cake, but I DON'T want to do it. I am getting upeset about what he wants and refuses to listen other wise.

I tried telling him it is going to cost about the same if I make it or not and furthermore I need money and time to practice before the final product (if i were to make it) he is being very unreasonable. What do i do?

Answer 1

DON"T DO IT!!!
I was going to do the same thing and it was a mess. I spent the night before my wedding running around looking fo someone to make a cake that would look decent. I hated my wedding cake and hate the pictures of it.
Get what you want and tell him that you deserve the best as this is the only wedding cake you will have.
Don't let him be the bully. Good luck and congrats.

Answer 2

Marriage is going to be a LOT of working things out together.
Money is an issue you can't ignore, yet there is something about a fancy cake that may really be necessary to your contentment. Both of you have something here that you need: he - frugality. you- that really nice cake and any symbolism it may hold for you.

Is there a compromise that can be reached here? Could you live with a very small professional or store bought cake that is truly fancy and maybe even has that small second layer that you save for the two of you for an anniversary.
But then have the cake for the guests be nice sheet cakes that are purchased at a grocery. Yes, they can still cost a pretty penny, but it's seldom outrageous and you can guarantee that you don't have the cost of ingredients, time or frustration involved - not to mention electricity, and clean up. Plus there is NO worry about whether it is done or burnt or just plain awful. And the icing will be nice.
Of course where you live will determine to some extent what is "normal" for you and your guests. Around here sheet cakes are not unusual. It's your reception and yes you should have things the way you want - to a certain extent.
Do you have a total amount that you know you can spend?
Make a list of what he would like and what you would like, then start paring it down from there. If that cake is truly important, is it more important than something else. Can you scrimp and save on another item in order to have a fancier cake.
Get a budget figure that you can work within. Something affordable for the two of you. Don't go in debt or go broke over something of this sort. It's a poor way to start a marriage.
Perhaps if he sees that you can keep within a budget and are willing to compromise on somethings to get others, he will be more understanding.

Answer 3

I think you are right!!! Do not make your own wedding cake. There is going to be soooo much for you to do that the cake is the last thing you need to worry about. The cake is one of the things you should be able to put on the list of things not to worry about. Take the advice of people who have gone through a big wedding and just know you won't have time. And I am sorry but a store bought cake is not very special and when you look back on your wedding day you want to remember everything and smile, if you get a store bought cake you either will have regrets OR you won't remember it.
Maybe you should ask your parents or a close relative if they will pay for the cake, done by a professional. Tell them this can be their gift to you that way you can get what you want and your husband will be happy he doesn't have to fork over the money.

Answer 4

He obviously does not understand the type of work that goes into making a cake like that. It's not fun, it's stressful and it's the last thing a bride should have to worry about whether on her wedding day or 4 months after.

To appease him, go to the bakey of the grocery store and get a quote on a wedding cake, not a premaid one in the fridge, just to see and be like "here...it's really not that bad"

Take the price to an actual bakery and see what you could get for that kind of a price, and compare it to like one of the really nice cakes that you'd actually like. It doesn't hurt to look. Then show your husband everything. You might not even be able to feed enough people off of the grocery store cake or what a bakery could make for the same price, so you never know.

My fiance is frugal too, everytime I tell him how much something is going to cost he sighs and says "well it looks like we're going to be poor forever..." I know he's just kidding to an extent, but it does add some unneeded stress. The last thing we got a little into it about was the cake as well. We had a trade off, I got the cake I wanted, we got rid of one of our favors that he didn't like, and he got some new video game system that he wanted but wasn't going to get since he was putting the money towards the wedding.

If he won't even go for that, lay down the law and tell him that if he wants someone to make a cake for free, he better start learning how to do it now, and you want to have a tasting, see a design, and then have him make one for practice and then do the real thing.

Marriage is about compromise!

Answer 5

What we did was order three sheet cakes not from a grocery store but from a local bakery, one little, one medium, one large. The frosting they ordinarily put on there is white buttercream and they put some flowers on there, nothing real crazy but nice. We made a stand for the three cakes out of plywood and 2x4s and covered the stand with white paper and fake flowers. You doing it may be a lot to handle in addition to the party planning. I would not do that if I were you. Just remember the only thing that makes a wedding cake a wedding cake is the fact that it is at a wedding reception. i've been to several with just a big white sheet cake. They are delicious and quite lovely, as well as inexpensive. I would recommend tasting from different groceries if you choose to go with a grocery stores as the quality can vary quite a bit. That is why I went with the bakery. Congratulations and have a wonderful time. Don't stress on this.

Answer 6

How about calling a culinary school and have students work on your wedding cake. All chefs started at this point and I'm sure you'll get more attention because students need work for their portfolio and experience...Some may do it for free and you pay for other expenses...go on craigslist

I'm a graphic designer by trade and having open range for projects are always tempting for your portfolio especially real projects. Most clients want full control but if you let them do what they like you may have a better cake. Try It Look up culinary schools and pastry chefs online.

Don't get upset my husband is cheap too and you have to pick your battles. There are ways to communicate and get your way... You know that movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" the man is the head but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the neck anyway she wants.

Some other suggestions...

I would rent a fake cake,
http://www.rentacake.net/index.html

Then use the grocery cake in the back as a sheet to serve. For cutting purposes call the rentacake

Answer 7

If paying for the wedding is a legitimate issue as opposed to him just being frugal, then you are going to have to make some compromises. Baking your own cake - or having a family member or friend do it - can be a reasonable compromise.

Have the two of you sat down and actually figured out a budget for the wedding including the catering, facilities, dresses and gown, rings, invitations, photographer, etc. You really need to do this if you haven't already - especially if the two of you will be paying for the wedding yourselves.

You have to remember that the reason for getting married is because you want to spend your lives together, not to put on a lavish show for lots of guests. What's the good of a fancy wedding if you wind up in major debt afterwards. Money is an issue and you're not willing to compromise on the cake, then find something else you are willing to compromise on.

Answer 8

I agree you shouldn't have to bake your own cake, but its also ridiculous in his eye to buy an expensive wedding cake-- he's tryin to be frugal with your money. A wise decision I think. I think there are underlying issues with both of you. Maybe you're really upset that you didn't get the wedding and reception you wanted in the first place. Why do you guys feel it necessary to be remarried? Is it for religious purposes?

Anyway, maybe his idea is not so bad--surely you have an aunt or grandmother that loves to bake and always made outstanding cookies--and was a little artsy? Ask this person to bake and build you a beautiful wedding cake. I'm sure it will be more personal and beautiful than any from the store.

Answer 9

I agree with you, after all the supplies bought, time spent, and mess made and practice runs your probably looking at about the same cost. Plus, to make a cake large enough to be a wedding cake and feed all those people you may need a commercial oven which you probably don't have due to your cheap husband...lol. Tell him it's your wedding day to and your getting a professionally done cake. Also, you said your married but having the reception in a few months, which leads me to belive you guys didn't really go all out for your wedding which probably saved you some money in the first place. Also, I imagine because of the way your hubby is that this reception is going to be at your home not a banquet hall or restaurant? Because of all this your husband has been cheap and saved money all the wya through the process, he can splurge on one thing to make his wife happy.

Answer 10

I think that baking your own wedding cake is a really, really BAD idea.. I mean it's NOT like you're going to have to worry about a million other things besides baking a cake.. It's also NOT a 1,2,3 process to make a decent wedding cake should take acouple days... I would suggest going to you local bakeries and asking the bakers/assistants etc.. If they make wedding cakes from home? You can get a professional cake for a fraction of the cost ! That's what I did.. A woman at our local bakery works making wedding cakes from her home.. So, I showed her what I wanted which in the store was $1000 tweaked it for our needs/budget and the same cake delivered to the event was $160 !! Ditto for flowers.. I found a woman that did really cool floral arrangements from home for $80 delivered + the guests took everything home so there was no waste/clean-up.... So, you just have to be creative to save money.... good luck