Is it wrong to pray that bears maul my seventh grade orthodontist? Here’s why I ask. The first thing Elisha does as a prophet is heal some water. The second thing? Bear attack.
Check out 2 Kings 2:
23 As he was walking, some youths came out and jeered at him. “Go on up, you baldhead!” they said.” 24 He turned around and called down a curse in the name of the LORD. Then two bears came out of the woods and mauled forty-two of the youths.
Can you imagine if God still operated that way? Man, I would abuse that. I can see myself getting frustrated by a teenager on his cellphone in the middle of a movie. Without asking him to be quiet, I’d mutter under my breath, “God, bears please.”
How many bears would I launch during my commute? Cut me off, here’s a bear. Rode up the breakdown lane, how about a bear? Gave me the finger? Three bears.
I would be bearing people all day. Which is why God won’t give me access to them. He knows I’m a jerk and would abuse the blessing of attack bears.
2007-09-19 03:24:29 · 12 answers · asked by longtuesday 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
no now he uses crazy followers to do his dirty work
2007-09-19 03:32:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Two bears and 42 youth? I could accept 3 or 4, but 42? That's a big number just to stand around while a bear is mauling some one else. Think about it, were they just standing near the forest and thinking "A bear is mauling my friend, I'll just stand here and wait my turn...."
There are some other questions this story raises, which also casts doubts on its authenticity.
2007-09-19 03:37:46 · answer #2 · answered by Pirate AM™ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, God killed a woman earlier this year in Yellowstone National Park using a Bear. Despite all the technological advances that come with Omnipotence, the Bear is still a highly reliable method of execution.
2007-09-19 03:48:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
definite! definite! definite! definite! completely! reason as quickly as we get to heaven meaning we've observed gods regulations and because we've achieved so solid god would be so proud that he will provide us a prize of...get waiting For It!........one million Zillion bags of Gummy Bears! That we can't have the skill to end...
2016-12-17 05:05:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This made me laugh. Seriously. I rarely laugh out loud here, but this cracked me up. :D
If you ask Stephen Colbert, bears are the most dangerous thing threatening America today. Coincidence? I think not.
2007-09-19 03:34:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
They were showing disrespect for the authority of God's prophet because of his appearance, no doubt put up to it by their parents. Imagine their parents' surprise when the bears did that. It taught the lesson that appearances are deceiving and that God's choice of who he chooses to be his representative is His and His alone.
2007-09-19 03:47:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
longtuesday, if i were god i would totally give you the power of the bears!
2007-09-19 06:14:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Not just bears : she-bears!
2007-09-19 03:35:39 · answer #8 · answered by Vernacular Catholic 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow... that's pretty violent... at least it wasn't squirrels- I hear they're kind of vicious.
2007-09-19 03:33:56 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
that would be awesome! i want the bat blessing. i think that that would be way more cool.
I CALL DOWN A CLOUD OF RABID BATS ON YOU ANNOYING DRIVERS, CURSETH ARE THEE, DIE BY THOUSANDS OF POINTY BITES!
IN JEBUS NAME!
2007-09-19 03:36:53 · answer #10 · answered by Free Radical 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
PETA complained so God has to use people.
2007-09-19 03:33:33 · answer #11 · answered by The Return Of Sexy Thor 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋