My dad has dismissed me from his life for arguing with my sister beause she is with my kids dad?

Question

I found out that my dad wasn't my biological father a few years ago,my mum died few years before that. My parents always treated my sister better than me. I was emotionally starved and rejected by them my whole life.
My dad wont tell me anything about my real father, not interested in helping me at all.
Now my sister is wth my kids dad. I argued with my sister over it and now my dad has dismissed me from his life until i make up with her.
I don't understand why he has done this, my kids are devastated and to make it worse their grandad has turned his back on us.
I feel that, now my mum isn't here, he would just prefer it if me and my kids disappeared.
I feel like going to him and telling him how we feel and what he has done to us or write him a letter. When it was just me that he rejected i could cope, but now its my kids.
He is taking my sisters side and i don't understand why?
What would you do about it if you were me?

Answer 1

You did not ask for alot of things that have happened in the "Past" nor did you have any Control over them. Do Not apologize to your Dad for a Deed between you and your Sister that is so very Morally Wrong on her part. He has made up his mind already and chooses to condone the things your Sister is doing, so let them wallow in their own Guilt and you and your Children move on. I know this is eating at you because of the way your Dad is treating the Kids but then again, somethings you simply cannot control. You and your Children deserve to be happy.Do not let your Dad and Sister ruin your Life..Best of Luck..

Answer 2

Write him a letter. Write several versions of it. The first one should be filled with all the anger and frustration you're feeling. Once you write that one. Set is aside for a day and the next day write another version. Think about all the things that have gone on, ask all the questions you have and when you finish that one, set it aside for another day. This will give you a chance to get out all the anger and negative feelings you have about the situation. Once you're able to do that it will help you put things into a better perspective. Did your parents really treat your sister better or is that your perception? Think of specific times when they did and put that into one of your first two letters. Continue this process until you're able to write a letter that is not filled with emotion but is very matter of fact.

If you let out all your emotions on him, you won't get a satisfactory response. If you work out the emotions before you contact him and just bring it down to actual fact, you may be able to open a dialogue with him and get some real answers. Whatever his true reasons for doing what he's doing they are his reasons. He may not even know what his reasons are. You may be able to help him realize how unfair he's being to you and your kids by approaching him in a less emotional state.

You may also want to use this process to open up relations again with your sister and your kids dad. Regardless of your relationship with their dad, they need to see him and know he's there for them. If you're able to repair relations to a point where everyone is able to understand the feelings, frustrations and needs of everone else and are able to come to some kind of workable agreement, your kids will benefit in the long run. Best wishes to you.

Answer 3

Sometimes we see ourselves as the black sheep of the family. It is usually our own insecurities. I know that he treats you and your sister differently. You are two different people you know. As for your sister being with your children's father, well did it ever occur to you that perhaps not being married to the man might have upset your dad? Or perhaps you did something very cruel to your sister that she didn't deserve and he is trying to make you own up to your mistakes?

As for your dad not telling you about your bio father, well maybe he doesn't know. My daughter doesn't know her bio dad, but has a dad. He doesn't know much about my exhusband, and frankly isn't going to know. The fact that you push him for information about your bio, well, perhaps he feels 'dumped'. The man who raised you isn't enough for you and you have to 'reconnect' with a man who never showed you any love. It can be hard on others too.

I think you need to slow down, rearrange your priorities and start from scratch. You should talk to your sister CALMLY and tell her how you feel about what she is doing, tell her how it upsets your children and how you still want to be her sister and friend. Then you need to go to your dad and talk to him. Explain to him how you are feeling but make sure there is not alot of emotion because alot of men don't know how to deal with that. Ask him how he feels. Get it out in the open. It's not all about you, others have feelings too.

Answer 4

I'd stop looking for love where it isn't. You can't control how your father acts, and you need to stop making it a drama. If your kids grandfather chooses to ignore them, you can't change that, its on him. They will actually do fine without a grandparent.

You, however, need to apologize to your sister for saying anything about her relationship. If your kids father didn't marry you or isn't married to you right now, then you both chose to reproduce with a lowlife and better she has him than you.

Concentrate on bringing positive role models into your life and your kids life. These people aren't ever going to give you what you are looking for, you need to find that within yourself. Counseling will give you those tools, get some.

Answer 5

Honey you just need to move on and let all those stupid people in your life deal with their own problems. Your sister has issues for messing with your kids father. Thats some ol' Jerry Springer s***.

Answer 6

Forget everything before today and start again.
You can't change the past, there is no value in discussing it.
You have probably said everything before anyway.

You will ignore this advice, and continue to talk about the past, and remain upset

Answer 7

can you move and get out? if you can get out of there you can maybe sme day find your real dad its sad that things have happened for you but heck there sno love you said so i would save up and move out and forget him and let the kdis forget him also they will understand they are humans but that is all i can think of take care.

Answer 8

personally I would just say bye bye,move on, you don,t need all that negativity in your life,
It maybe hard for you to do,I don't know you.
I had sister problems, and I realized I had to let to go or I was going to drown. Good luck.&
God bless

Answer 9

i wish i could tell you to move on and forget all about them, but this isn't just you. its about your kids too. talk to your father privately, and try your best to discuss your mothers death with him. (maybe that's why hes acting like a foolish child? b/c he is grieving?) tell him if nothing else, to be fair to his grandchildren. ask him to think about them, if he cant think about you. to understand that they are children, and hes a grown man. if he needs to grieve, its not them his frustration needs to be taken out on. its not fair for your kids to go through this. they didn't ask for any of it. (I'm not saying you did) but they are children and they need looking after, not a grown man.
and for you? you need to grieve for your mother. if you are done grieving you need to forgive. i know it sounds ridiculous, but you do not need that there to hold you back. its not for him, its for you. and you can tell him, "i forgive you for the way you have treated me, but its not for your sake, its for mine and the sake of my children. speaking of, you arent thinking of them either!"

if he cannot be there for your children, then thats when you kick him 2 the curb. hes acting like a 6 yr old, its not your job to teach him how to act like a "big person".

good luck hunn. email if ya need anything:
[e-mail]

Answer 10

i wouldn't talk to him for the rest of my life
& hes not your real dad so don't worry about it
& move on, never talk to him & your sister again