Marriage at 18?

Question

Im 16 and my boyfriend is 18. We have been in a long distance relationship for almost 9 months and are so in love. It was love at first sight when we met on christmas day. We talk about marriage and kids all the time, planning our future.
If we stay together, i am moving to Boston in 2 years to live with him for a year (taking a gap year before university). I would love to get married to him when i turn 18 but he doesnt want to get married until we're financially secure and hes finished uni. I know hes being sensible and its clearly the right thing to do but i really really want to get married to him as soon as possible!!!!
What are your thoughts????

Just to clarify, we have been in a long distance relationship for 9 months but we see each other like once a month, and we spent the whole 2 months of summer together and went on holiday together, so its not like we dont see each other or talk to each other. We talk about an hour everyday.

Answer 1

I got married at 18 we struggled in the Beginning but know we have our own company a beautiful home and 3 kids w/one on the way. If u guys are committed and u both want it u can do it it just takes work faith and love

Answer 2

You're 16 and in a long distance relationship?!? Please stop wasting your youth on wishful thinking. You should be dating, going out, having fun...doing things most normal 16 year old girls do. Not sitting home waiting for an 18 year old guy to come home. Sorry, but you're living in fantasyland. I'm willing to bet that your 18 year old young man that you're in a "long distance relationship" with is having local relationships wherever he is. It's only normal. Do you really expect an 18 year old male to be exclusive when you're apart?

I married at 18, and I was about 10 years too young to get married. I thought I was in love too. We were both 18 and waaaay too you to make such a serious committment. We divorced 4 years later. Biggest mistake I ever made.

You say you met on Christmas day. And have been in a long distance relationship for 9 months. That means that he's been gone since right after the Christmas holidays. How long did you have to get to know this person you fell in love with at first sight? Two weeks? Honey, be real. You don't really know that much about him in the short time you spent with him. If you and he truly love each other, why not do as he says, and wait til you're *both* financially secure and finished at the uni. He's already given you a clue..."but he doesnt want to get married until we're financially secure and hes finished uni." Who knows? By this time, you'll know a lot more about him, and can make a wise and informed decision.

Answer 3

Your 16 that's is very young to be thinking about marriage i know you won't be doing this for another 2 years but you may change your mind in what you want in life even though you really love him. Why don't you get engaged at 18 and marry when he suggest when your financially better of there is no rush if you want to be together then you have the rest of your lives together.

On the other hand i know what you mean i am 2 years older than you and in a long distance relationship i met him on holiday and have been travellnig to see him every holiday and i have been with him for nearly a year and i am going to move to his country to be with him next year where not getting married just living together i love him so much now but things could change when i live with him (And i did tell him im not getting married till im 20).

So get married if you want to but i think you should wait live together and have a fantastic wedding and live your lives happily together he really is saying the best thing waiting till your financially better as he looking after you future hes not saying he doesn't want to i think he just wants to make sure everything is perfect.

Good luck xx

Answer 4

I got married when I was 18, but I had also already been in college for 2 years and he was in the military and had a secure career and steady pay check.

Since you are thinking 2 years from now, just go with the flow and see what happens. Remember, you can always live together and do things together as if you were married without actually being married... enjoy the time you have NOT being married though because things change once you get married.

You both need to be independent before you think about being married... so many of my friends went straight from living at home with their parents supporting them to being married, and their transition was hard.

Answer 5

There is no rush to get married so young. its true that if you rush into marriage at a young age it ends in disaster and you will be divorced before you know it. just make the most of being together and be greatful you found each other, that should be the main thing not a ring on your finger. love each other and have fun etc. your still young and you have plenty of time to think about marriage and children, right now you should be focusing on your education and getting a good job for you future. your boyfriend is right that you should wait until you are financially secure, you cant get very far in life without money and plus you will need some to pay for the wedding. wait until you finish uni and have all your degrees etc, then if you are stil together it shows you were meant to be and you came out of it strong and show everyone you were right. then you can get married for the right reasons, knowing it was meant to be and not rushed. dont get so attached to the thought right now, as mean as i may sound to say this, when you go to uni you might find somebody else and decide you dont want to be with your boyfriend anymore etc. can you imagine how that would turn out if you were married at the time? i think you should wait, trust me you dont want to do down the wrong path in life so young. i may sound like a nagging b*tch but youll see truth in this one day, and im only 18 myself. good luck.

Answer 6

My thoughts are that the two of you shouldn't even be talking about such things until you're in your 20s. At least your boyfriend has a good head on his shoulders in wanting to wait! What you have to realize is that you're thinking just like every other puppy love struck teenage girl. You're sooooo in love and nothing will ever change it and y'all will be together forever and you can't wait to have that great big ceremony. Trust me, I know. I was a teenager once too. Now that I'm 21 and have adult responsibilities, I realize how crazy I sounded! Heck, I simply live with my boyfriend and that's hard enough! It gets 10 times harder after marriage! Not only would the two of you make a very young couple and not be financially secure, but most of the changes you go through in life are from ages 16-25. One year you're happy-go-lucky and nothing can stop you, the next you're practically on a ball and chain that I like to call "bills". That sort of thing will do wonders on your personality.

Hold your horses, honey. You've got a loooong ride ahead of you.

Answer 7

You're too young to even know what love is. Reality check here, he is being sensible, you are being a fantasist.. You've been in a long distance relaitonship for 9 months. That's nothing. And not being actually near to each other is just odd. You're so young, I mean, I'll assume you've slept together, but you can't really have a long distance relationship at your age, the maturity just isn't there. You don't know if you could live together, you already seem to be poles apart in your plans for the future (ie. he is being sensible and putting his education first, and you are all about getting married asap).

I'll make myself unpopular for saying this, but I really don't think that you two will last the distance needed to get married. You're 16 for christ sake, be a child whilst you still can.

Answer 8

My spell-check isn't working very well today - please pardon the mistakes.

Honey, listen to your BF and go a step further - Don't get married until you are BOTH through Uni and BOTH independently financially secure (Boston is an expensive place to live - you better have marketable skills, honey.)

See, you have this fairy-tale idea that "he's going to take care of me!" well, again, face reality. Most ordinary wives work - not to buy jewels or vacations in the Bahamas - but to put food on the table and make that car payment on a used Honda. Without an education on your part - resign yourself to being a short-order cook in a greasy spoon or cashier at your local Stop-n-Go. Both of these are honorable jobs - but I guarantee you won't be out clubbing on minimum wages.

And - you use the words "If we stay together..." What if you don't? What if another prince on a white horse carries your heart away? What if either of you gets hit by a bus? What if you realize that your differences etc. are greater than your similarities? Remember, there is a big "IF" in "LIFE.

And finally - your long distance relationship is fine to romanticize about. Sure. But what happens when you get to Boston and find out that he's a slob and spendthrift or that you can't stand the cold - and his slobby friends - and the woman next door has 'eyes' on him? Can you handle the Reality of a close relationship?

Honey I hate to burst your bubble - because many young marriages work out just fine. BUT given your circumstances - no. Wait until YOU can stand on your own 2 feet financially, educationally, maturity, etc. etc. - before considering marrying anyone - even this awfully nice boy.

Answer 9

As a 33 year old woman who is getting married for the first time this year, I will tell you to wait. when I was 18, I was engage to a boy I had been with since we were 13. A week before our wedding, I began to realize that our lives were already heading in separate directions. 13 years later, I am in a completely different place than I was then. Even from the time I was 25, I can tell you that my priorities in life have changed dramatically.

If you really think this is the person for you, wait until you're both settled in your careers. It's very important that you plan each and every milestone because you don't want an unplanned pregnancy or financial disaster to mess things up for you or him. I know it's hard to wait, but you will be surprised when you are 30 how much different the two of you are. You never know where life will lead you, and it may lead you to opposite ends of the world, like me and my first love.

I hope my years are good advice for you. I could've gotten married and stayed married, but I know that I would not be as successful as I would've had someone else to consider in my career and life changing decisions that have led to me to be who I am today. I wouldn't change a thing.

Answer 10

Yes he is being sensible as money issues are the cause of many marriages so it is best to get some financial stability before marrying.and settling down.
That in no way stops you enjoying each others company , particularly if you are going to spend a year together which should reinforce whether you can actually get on for a long period .
The other thing to ensure is that you do not bring a child in to the world before you can afford to keep it as it needs to be kept . So always ensure that you are taking precautions .
I hope it all works out for you both and in a few years you will be glad that you waited just a bit longer to tie the knot.
Good Luck

Answer 11

Do NOT get married that young. Though it can work its such a bad idea. Since its in two years anyways you've got time to think about your life and how it can pan out. There are so many flaws with this plan anyways like its a long distance relationship. Any intimacy is actual illegal for you right now. You are still so young marriage should be the last thing on your mind. Sorry to be a bubble burster but everyones idea of love is different at that early age.