Why do brides expect their bridesmaids?

Question

To pay for so much? The engagment party gift, shower & gift, dress ,shoes , hair makeup ,bachelorette party,wedding gift etc!! Its insane , I know I could have declined but I didnt realize how expensive it was going to be.
Heres what my latest freinds wedding has cost me
$100 engagment party gift
$385 bridal shower contribution
$215 dress
$45 alterations
$50 shoes
$40 hair
$75 makeup
$ ? bachelorette party (she wants an overnight in atlantic city)
$ 200 actual wedding gift,the plates at her wedding are $90 so i have to cover that at least for my guest and myself!
Is it like this everywhere? I live on long island & ive heard in other parts of the country weddings are more relaxed.

Answer 1

Yeah, thats typical for our area, though I do think the $400 for the bridal shower was a bit much, did that include your gift or just the restaurant payment, if no gift then I think you overpaid. Somebody chose a too fancy place for a shower.

I'm in Jersey, and that sounds about right for our neck of the woods, remember things are alot more expensive up here in the North East, so that means right off the bat that we'll be paying quite a bit more than say a bridesmaid in Nebraska.

A tip for AC, try to find someone who has been to a hotel over night, most of the time you get free night offers once you have spent the night and gambled, so that may save you some cash there, also, try to steer clear of the Borgata, Ceasars and Bally's they are the more expensive hotels. Try Harrahs, thats where we always go, its a great casino, almost completely redone recently, but its not on the boardwalk so its a little less expensive. If you want to stay on the Boardwalk try for Showboat or Tropicana (which was also recently redone, its not so orange in there anymore).

I will say this, its a grey area, but I dont like the fact that you have to pay for your hair and make-up to be done a certain way. Most women are capable of doing these two things on there own and I consider them extras that the bride wants so she should pay for them. Most grilrs couldnt make their own dresses and shoes so it would make sense that you would pay for those items, but that hair and make-up thing just kills me. Unfortunately you cant do anything about it though, but with that, I am on your side! You shouldnt HAVE to pay for something you can do by yourself.

I just got asked to be in my cousins wedding next May, so I am about to enter into what you are going through yet again. If I could try to spin this in a positive light, think about it this way, this is probably one of your really close friends, so spending the money on helping her have an awesome wedding experience will be worth it when its all said and done. And just remember, your turn will come, you'll have all this stuff one day for yourself as well!

Good luck!

Answer 2

Usually you don't give a gift for the engagement party. You can give a card and/or a bottle of wine, but normally a gift isn't given at that time. So scratch the $100 from that gift off your list (unless you've already spent it).

And why are you spending $200 on the wedding gift? You certainly don't need to spend that much and I'm sure she didn't ask you to. Cut it down to $50. Often, the wedding party doesn't even give gifts because the cost of the stag or hen, bridal showers, clothing, etc, is quite often very high.

$385 is a LOT for a bridal shower. When I was MOH and hosted a shower, I paid a fraction of that for everything - food, decorations, etc. Maybe $50-$75? For the hen party, book something closer to home. Don't take her away if people can't afford it.

So yes, a lot of that cost is from the bride (dress, hair, etc) but a big portion of it seems to be just that you're putting in a lot more than you really need to (gifts, shower, etc). Just make up your mind to give within your means!

Answer 3

Just so you know, not all brides are like this. For our wedding, the dresses were 150, they chose the shoes they wanted. I paid for their flowers, hairpieces, getting their hair done. The only other thing they would have had to spend on, if they wanted to, were gifts for the shower and wedding. My family threw the bridal shower, no engagement party.
I've only read here on Answers about how weddings are in the northeast, and they just seem to be pricey. For example, no one I know would even consider having to 'cover' the price of the reception as part of their wedding gift - we invite guests and host them when we have weddings, so if they choose to get us a gift, that's just a bonus. We just want the people there to witness the ceremony and celebrate with us.
Otherwise, where I'm from, no one gives gifts for engagement parties - they are informal small parties for both sides of the family to get together. Not everyone has them. Wedding showers are usually held at someone's home, so family and friends contribute appies and baking, so it's no huge cost to anyone. Usually if the bride is 'requesting' certain beauty services to be done, then she would pay for them - such as tanning, makeup. Otherwise, women do their own. Again, bachelorette parties are not done by all, but they are no big productions either, just a fun time planned for the bride, attendants and close friends.
So, you just may be caught in a vortex; what you are going through doesn't happen everywhere!

Answer 4

It is expensive to be a bridesmaid, but that sounds like a bit much. I've been a bridesmaid, maid of honor, and now I'm getting married. Here's a rundown of what I'm spending. (I'm in a cheaper part of the country, but it still shouldn't vary too much).

As a bridesmaid/maid of honor:
Dress: $200
Alterations: Free (both times the bride had a friend who could hem dresses)
Shoes: $20
Hair: For one wedding, I did my hair myself...for the other I shelled out $40. Yeah, I wasn't happy about that either.
Makeup: Free
Wedding Gifts: $50 (I always spend around $50 per gift)
Shower: probably around $30 for both weddings...I made the invites, planned some games, told people what food to bring. It's all about delegating tasks.
Neither bride had a bachelorette party.

What I'm expecting of my bridesmaids:
Dress: $90 - 200, depending on which dress they choose...I'm letting them pick their own. If they want the cheaper dresses in the color I like, I'm fully encouraging them to go for it!
Shoes: Whatever they already have that matches
Alterations: Free for some and not for others...it all depends on what's needed.
Shower: Depends...I already bought the invitations for them, so they just have to mail them...so stamps. Also, the food shouldn't cost too much. I'd say no more than $20 per bridesmaid...probably less.
Bachelorette party: $5 a person...since I'm assuming they'll all buy me a drink. :)
Gift: No idea. One shouldn't expect gifts.
Hotel: $40 per person since they are sharing rooms.
I'm not expecting them to get their hair and make-up done. They are big girls...they know how to fix their hair.

That's it. It does cost money...but it should be a reasonable amount.

Answer 5

I agree that this is way too much money. Could the bridesmaids all get together and discuss it and then do something at someone's home for the bachelorette party?
I think it is unfortunate that this has gotten so far out of hand.
Many bridesmaids talk about this.
Two areas that I think in particular have gotten crazy are the shower: it's far more practical to have it at someone's home and have the bridesmaids and others who volunteer bring the food; and the bridesmaids' dresses: I think girls should agree to be a bridesmaid only if the dress is priced under a certain amount ($100.00 is doable), and the dress is reusable (knee length, black would be practical).
Also, I think that people should look ahead and see how much they are going to be spending on a wedding, and bring a very small gift, like a bottle of wine, to the engagement party.
That's my opinion.

Answer 6

My bridesmaid (I only had a maid of honor) didn't have to spend anywhere near this amount of money. I bought her dress for her and it didn't require any alterations. She wore some shoes that she already had that matched. She is a beautician so she did my hair for me for free the day of my wedding and a few days before when we had formal pictures made. I didn't have a bachelorette party or a bridal shower. She bought a pair of photo frames as a wedding gift, but I'm not sure exactly what those cost. What your friend is requesting seems outrageous to me!

Answer 7

I don't get the idea of having a bacheloette party AND showers. Frankly, I don't agree with bachelorette parties in the first place. AND an engagement gift? And WHAT kind of shower costs so much that each person needs to toss in almost $400?!

In my mind, the dress and shoes are a given. It should be up to you what to do with your own hair and make-up.

If this is normal where you live, I wonder if people have their priorities mixed up or if I'm the one who is seriously out of touch.

Answer 8

I spoke with my bridesmaids at the beginning to talk about costs (cos everyone knows anything to do with a wedding costs $$$$$!!!!!!!!!!)

I was the first to get married out of our group of friends so i think they were probably more generous than most bmaids.

Also they wanted designer dresses- not me so i did not expect them to pay too much.


I had 4 bridesmaids- they paid for their dress ($450) and shoes ($100) and i paid for their hair, makeup, jewellry, spray tans and any other extra costs.

hens night was prob cost $100 each but thats not a real cost cos it's a night out that you'd spend for anything else.

what do you mean by plates? like the wedding dinner?? if so i am shocked- i've never heard of guest paying for themselves- thats outragous

Also i had a engagement party one yr b4 the wedding but no kitchen tea/ shower cos i felt it seemed rude to have something else that guests were expected to bring a gift

I told my girls that with all the costs not to worry about a present- they all signed a beautiful card and put in for an expensive album- i would have felt so bad if they bought a $200 present each- thats ridiculous (unless ur rich celebs)

anyway, about ur situation- i dont know what the answer is- do the other bmaids feel the same? if so maybe brooch the subject together with her,

and no, the amount of $$ is way too much to expect

good luck!

Answer 9

I guess it just depends on the wedding. Some brides expect more than others. The general rule is that you should not ask or expect your bridesmaids to do more than they can afford.

Here's what I'm asking from my bridesmaids. (I have three, by the way).
* A dress - They can choose which style they'd prefer and they range in price from $110 to $130.
* Shoes of their choice.
* A contribution to our combined bachelor/bachelorette party if they are going to attend. (We're planning it ourselves, but we're asking everyone to chip in a little so it doesnt cost us a fortune)
* Hair and makeup IF they want. If they want to do it themselves, that's fine too.
* As for gifts, I have no expectations. I know they will probably get something, but I don't expect them to "cover" the cost of their attendance at the wedding. They are still my guests, and I want them to have fun.

Answer 10

Don't lump us all into one!

My bridal party pays for dress, accommodations, so far.

I DO NOT expect an engagement party gift, bridal shower gift, bachelorette party gift, or wedding gift from ANY of them. Their gift to me is saying "Yes" to me asking them to be in my wedding and them planning a bridal shower and bachelorette party (Mom already said this was going to happen "You just don't know where and when").

I'm hoping to pay for their hair and makeup the day of my wedding.