My fiance is a PsyD. and I can't get him to see my side of anything. Is that normal?

Question

He always gives my "stuff" some label, such as insecure, or catastrophizing (sp) or depressed, or what have you. Before, married to an M.D., he was very kindly and gentle. He seemed to bear with my "stuff" and would help me get over/thru it. Is this because they are 2 different people or are PsyD's less patient because they are dealing with "cases" all day? I am widowed, so lots of times he says my "stuff" is still old grief. I really don't have anything different than the usual person, I feel happy, productive, and healthy...

Answer 1

I'm a psychologist and unfortunately, we shrinks tend to do that. You need to tell him that LABELING does NOT equal empathy, caring or understanding. The latter skills are much more important to relationships than simply being able to LABEL something. Give him a "script" of what you would like him to say when you are telling him how you feel - internally, he may be overwhelmed by anxiety and may feel that labeling it is a way for him to "help you" and therefore "solve" the problem (a very stereotypical male pattern). You might want to ask him how HE feels when he hears you talking about your "stuff." Honestly, you might have to write some suggestions down on an index card in order for him to practice. Tell him that he needs to work on his empathy and perspective taking skills... and that you feel uncared for when he simply labels your feelings.
Good luck!

Answer 2

He is just full of himself, as men in any profession can be.
Ask him if he would please, when he walks through the family door, to climb off the high horse, leave his psychology outside.
Your need is to live with a human being, full of gifts and faults.
Pride gets in the way of relationship. This is a time and a place to "be real".
............Let him know that Pre-Marital counseling for the both of you is not an option.

Answer 3

Sounds like he's so involved with himself he could care less about what or how you feel regarding any issue. Why does he continuously negate or disregard your ideas and feelings?Time to get out of an unhealthy relationship.

Answer 4

I strongly suggest you make this fiance history. He is over analyzing you and that can be a real control issue. Also, if he does not see your side, he has no empathy--very bad.

Dump this jerk and move on, you will be happier for it.

Answer 5

tell him to knock it off and leave his work at the office. i wouldn't put up with that for very long. i had a friend who was always analyzing everyone that way, and it drove me nuts. i can't imagine having to deal with it every day.