Very dirty three year old...?

Question

I have recently started working at a preschool, it's not my first preschool job, and certainly not my first time working with children, but I still need a bit of advice.
I have a small child in my class who is always VERY dirty. His hair is gross, his clothes are stained and filthy, his shoes are at least a size to small.. Other then his hygeine, he doesn't seem to be suffering, he's not displaying any other signs of neglect or child abuse. He obviously loves his mother, and is happy to go home with her, but I'm still concerned.
I understand that they don't have a lot of money and can't afford nice clothes or new shoes, they are only able to afford the daycare because they are on county vouchers, as it's not a cheap daycare.
My question is do you believe that this warrents a call to child services? No one else seems to think it's too big of an issue, but as a mandated reporter I feel some obligation to report this.
I feel as though a call is inevitable

I just wanted to get feedback from others.

Thank you!

One of the managers has spoken to mom about his condition, it has not helped.

Mom is not single, dad is in the picture, I just haven't met him.
I would like to offer her hand me downs from my kids, but I don't want to offend or embarrass her. I feel awful for this child, and don't want to cause more problems...I just want to fix his.

And not to be a *****, but it's really not that hard to give your child a bath once in awhile. It seems as though he is NEVER bathed.
My husband is never home, but my children get a bath and are never that dirty.

Answer 1

Offer your hand-me-downs, with a little explanation to mom: My child has outgrown these and I just hate to throw away good clothes. Do you think your child could wear these? Why don't you take them home and try them. It would make me feel so much better than just throwing them out.

As far as the cleanliness issues go, present health lessons on hygiene. Head Start does on a regular basis. Hand washing and tooth brushing are always presented, over and over! Find some stories about bath time and do some activities with them. Give the baby dolls a bath in your water table. If you know someone who has a young baby, sanitize the water table and invite her in to give the baby a bath. (Our kids LOVE it when we do that!) Ask the children if they would like to have their hair washed, and offer it to all the kids, not just this little one. Maybe you can get someone to donate little sample bottles of shampoo, or tiny bars of soap to send home with each child, along with a letter explaining that "This weeks lessons have been about keeping ourselves clean and healthy! These belong to your child so you can continue the lessons at home" Find a little song or finger play or 2 or 3! Send the words for the songs/finger plays along with the newsletter and samples. Email me if you need some song or finger play ideas.

We had a similar situation, and when all the above failed, an aide took the child and washed his hair and face and hands a couple of times a week. Mom eventually caught on.

I don't think you should report this. Mom probably doesn't know any better, or doesn't realize how unkempt her child is.

Answer 2

What you could do, is (you) bring an extra pair of clothes with you to Day Care and take the child to the bathroom, clean him up as best you can and tell him "look I have a new outfit for you to wear today!" Tell mom these are extra clothes you had around and you'll wash his others and bring them back. Do this only if you are willing to take this one. As for the shoes, buy him a new pair. Some teachers will do this in the public school because they know parents can't afford it. I've seen this happen many times. Even with clothes.

If mom get angry, back off. I don't thing that is going to happen though. Maybe you could work something out with mom. Maybe parents don't have washer/dryer. Costs to go to Laundromat.

Don't compare your own family with this family when it comes to keeping clean or anything else. Keep an eye on things in regards to this little guy.

There is no need to call Social Services at this point. You only (by law) call Social Services if you suspect abuse like bruises and the like or what the child says himself. Cleanliness is not a reason to call Social Services and put that family through God knows what.

Maybe in little ways you can teach mom/dad cleaniness. They may not have knowledge about such things. Not everyone does. There may not have
money for a bar of soap.

At this point the word "inevitable" is playing a guessing game. What we think is natural (clean) may not be to others.

You have already gotten opinions at the Day Care. They don't agree with you on Social Services and I obviously have the same thoughts. Take a little extra time to clean this little guy up in morning and bring a change of clean clothes with you so that he isn't the only child at Day Care looking the way he does. Maybe you can find used clothing to keep on had and take the others home and throw them in with your laundry. This way the clothes get rotated, dirty to clean again.

This little boy has come to the Day Care for a reason. Maybe part of that reason is you. In small ways, you can take him under your wing and be his little "guardian angel." Along with that, maybe mom with catch on and learn from you without even saying a word. Well, maybe a few words may be needed.

Give the family a chance before the dramatics.

Answer 3

Not trying to be funny or insensitive but, what is his mother's hygeine? I mean if she's clean and child filthy, I'd have to ask some questions. His hygeine is a health risk for him and others around him. If offering hand me downs in order to help someone is an embarrassment, then you may have to embarrass her. While you're at it buy her some hygeine products. Use tact, of course, when you offer her those things. If after you have exhausted all your efforts and nothing changes, then the inevitable will have to happen. Sorry to say. This doesn't affect only that child. Warn her first that you would call because this is a major concern. Hopefully the threat will cause her to take action.

Answer 4

I'm with you - this is an issue. If he is in public dirty, what might his home be like??? Even normal happy people can have issues. Bottom line is, someone is likely going to have to report her.

But, if you want, I've played this card - the "it's not me, but I"m warning you card." Not because I'm afraid of confrontations but because it makes the other person less defensive.

You could take her aside and tell her what a sweet child she has, you enjoy having him, he seems happy, and you know how hard it can be to stay on top of things, but you are worried that the daycare may feel cornered into reporting her as a mandated reporter. That there are laws and that the daycare can be in trouble if they don't report something the state deems reportable. And you certainly wouldn't want a good mom to be reported for something like this.

You may even ask her permission to give him a "sponge" bath at school (with a wash cloth, clothes on).

Or.... you could also (and I'm not kidding) accidently make sure something gets spilled on him so he needs to be cleaned up and a change of (clean) clothes. I know my daycare center I worked at had a washer, so you could then return his "soiled" clothes that you also laundered - or keep them for him to change into the next time.

You may even tell her it is a hygiene problem for all and since you are responsible for him while he is there, that if he isn't clean, that you will clean him and change his clothes. Just keep laundering and cycling through the clothes.

Good Luck with things.

Answer 5

Here's the thing: what's your actual position in the daycare? You may have a chain of command that you have to go through before any calls to DFACS are made. Second, have someone the parent knows talk to them; you're well meaning and are obviously kind-hearted but some parents may not see it that way and if you (unknowingly) overstep your boundaries it can backfire in a big way on you. Explain your concerns, and see if there's someone at the daycare who know the lady. Perhaps there are extenuating circumstances, or it may well be abuse. A lot of kids are happy to see their abusers for the simple fact that they're familiar, and you're not. Or maybe they're homeless and don't have access to daily baths. Either way, cite your concerns and document the process to cover yourself. I wouldn't pull the lady aside and say anything unless she asks. I know this sounds mean as heck but I worked in a school briefly and my husband is a teacher, and the kids I worked with sometimes had problems at home. My boss never let us speak to the parents and this was to save us from legal problems, not to be mean. There are steps you have to take if you want someone to seriously consider a child abuse claim, and one of them is following protocol.

Answer 6

I would report it. She obviously knows about free services available to her, since she's using the county vouchers.
The manager has told her about this and she hasn't done anything about it.
I agree with you, it's not that hard to give the child a bath. It infuriates me that some people can have such disregard for their childs well-being. I know there may be other issues at home, but that is no excuse for neglecting your childs hygiene. The child is 3 years old and can't bathe without help from the parents.
I would call.

Answer 7

speaking as someone who is a poor single mother, i wouldn't call child services as that would be very embarassing. i would instead pull the mother aside and give her a list of places where she can get cheap second-hand clothes and ask her if she needs any other help. let her know that you are concerned about her child and let her do what is necessasary to provide for her family. if things still don't change, then maybe another suggestion and then after a month or two then call social services. you don't know the whole situation at home and maybe she hasn't had the best luck financially and going "behind her back" just seems wrong to me. i would first try to address the situation yourself before you create a whole new mess of problems.

Answer 8

Talk with the mother before you do anything. She may have other problems that you are not aware of. Obviously the child is happy with the mother. She may need other help in getting the child what the child wants.

Edit : Maybe you can look into some volunteer agencies that will help out and suggest them to the mother. I have volunteered at some places which helps people like the lady you are talking about. Many of them are trying hard to build a life but are in difficult situations. All they need is a little help. Many of them are shy and embarassed to come forward and admit their situation. They also suffer from low self-esteem, not all but many. All this adds up. Instead of calling agencies and making their life difficult, help them out. Maybe you can take the child to those agencies, of course with the mother's permission.

Answer 9

These situations are always tough. As a mandated notifier though, you are legally bound to report suspicion. You don't have to prove the abuse/neglect just suspect. They will then look into it. Basically it is your duty of care to this child to report it.

In the meantime, incorporate some basic hygiene activities into your program. This way the child is not singled out, but will start to get the beginning concepts of things he can do for himself in regards to hygiene. His condition will be noticed by other children too, and could begin to affect him socially and emotionally.

Answer 10

In my state, NY, in order to have maltreatment you must prove that the parent is not providing a minimum degree of care AND that the child has been impaired or is in imminent danger of impairment AND that the impairment or imminent danger is caused by the parents' failure to provide that minimum degree of care. In other words, unless the child is being shunned by his classmates or has rashes or has blisters on his feet from the too tight shoes or some other thing like those it is not maltreatment, or what you call neglect. I'd keep talking with the parent and when you have built up a relationship with her I would offer the hand- me- downs.