Me and my BF have 2 small children, one 3 yrs and the other 4 mos. We all live together (in his house) and I just went back to work from a partial-paid maternity leave. My BF pays the house-pmt and therefore expects me to pay all the rest of the bills, including all utilities, car pmt, health ins, medical copays, daycare, etc, etc. I know his house pmt is a lot but trying to afford all these bills on top of baby formula (which can cost up to $6 or more per day) is not working for me and I am struggling deeply, somedays not eating. My daycare cost is $1000 per mo .and I asked him to at least help with this and he said "no that I choose to work so I need to pay for the expense. " He complains that he never gets ahead because he has to "borrow" me money for the kids expenses that I should be taking care of because of him paying the house payment. He makes a lot more than me. Recently he said that I either get a new job and stop borrowing from him or move out. What should I do?
2007-09-18 15:55:37 · 17 answers · asked by Christine 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
To clarify some peoples questions, he makes about 3 times what I make. The reason I ask about selfishness is because shouldn't my kids come first over fairness? And why does the money situation have to be 50/50 when we have kids? I take them to daycare and pick them up, take work off for when they're sick, take them to all the doctors appts, etc, etc. I want to help and 100% of my income is spent on the kids. But finding a new job would be hard because I would have to find an employer as family oriented as mine to put up with sick days, etc. for my kids. (And for the guy with the silly answer, you know who you are, please remove it. Its a bit inapproriate.)
2007-09-19 12:07:54 · update #1
sounds like an ***..move out, then make him pay child support, plus all the bills..see how he likes that
2007-09-18 16:02:19 · answer #1 · answered by jls2007 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
1) Talk to his parents, his best friend, or to anyone whom he values their advices.
2) Open a joint account where each one of you will put enough amount of money to pay every single ultilities including rent or mortgage.
3) If he makes more than you do, and he's not acting as a responsible man, then leave him and take the kids with you.
4) Get an attorney. Even if you're not married you can still get child support, and it will be based on how much he makes, and not how much he wants to provide. The state always lean's in favor towards the children and their mothers.
Overall, he's a loser and in bad need of a wake up call!
2007-09-26 14:02:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why not just tell your boyfriend that you could both split everything down the middle including the mortgage payment. I understand that it is very expensive. What I do, and this is a bit old fashioned, but it has prevented us from ever fighting about money is I give my whole entire paycheck to my husband, we split everything down the middle and he gives me a portion of that money back for a weekly allowance. I always have money in my pocket and all the bills get paid and we have money left over to spend. He make twice the amount I make and we dont have kids, but our arrangement stays the same after we do have kids. I know that can get expensive. Maybe talk with a financial conselor and see what arrangements both could make regarding cost of living and your bills.
2007-09-26 13:45:45 · answer #3 · answered by lpogue2005 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are the chances that you'll get married. Sounds like slim to none and who would blame you?
Even though you live together, you can still have him pay child support. Go after him and while you're at it you can get back child support as well.
What's with these guys? These are his children as well and he should take equal responsibility for them. Just making a house payment doesn't cut it.
Another option, quit your job, leave all the bills up to him!
2007-09-26 20:55:37 · answer #4 · answered by Debra d 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry for you dear, because him telling you about getting another job and quit borrowing from him or move out!! Honey if he said that, then if i were you I would move out and lMake him Pay child support !!! See how he likes that !! He isn't being a daddy anyway to his kids if he's not helping you out enough!! You shouldn't have to be with him and Struggle like that !! So if you have to struggle with Him why not do it without Him and be HAppier???!!! when two are together and have kids together they are suppose to help each other and No Way Should you have to borrow any MOney from him!! Those are his kids and your his Mate and he should be giving you the money and you shouldn't owe him a D_ _ thing!! He sounds like a looser to me!!! If i was broke my spouse would help me and if he were broke i would help him and give him money , like he would give me!! Not owe each other !!!! the only way i would owe him is if he needed it for a bill and was broke!!! That way i am really helping him by paying him back the money not really owing him!!! And he the same to me!!! If i don't need it I don't ask for it back, you know!!! Also he is suppose ti help you pay for child care too !! Make him help pay that too when you leave by getting a lawyer , they will make him pay more i bet!! cause he makes more money then you do so he'll end up paying more if you leave him!! Trust me!!! Plus you have his kids you may even get the house with him paying for it!! Ha HA!! from what he said to you , that is not Love to me!!! so why stay with him!! You need to find a better man, one that will help you and your kids and they won't even be his but he'll help you more then this one!!! I hope you stand up for yourself and your kids and not take this bull crap from him anymore!!!! Good luck !!
2007-09-18 23:20:14 · answer #5 · answered by monkeymomma46 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Doesn't sound like a true partnership does it? Only you can make the ultimate decision. You may want to seek some support from friends or local womans support group. Moving out may sound like the easiest solution at the moment, but make sure you have a plan and a good one. It's sad to hear anyone going through something like this...even a stranger. The best of luck.
2007-09-18 23:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by PAB 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Put it to him like this;
Dear, I've moving out and taking the kids with me, in order for me to get my life in check I require you to pay for the children, their food, clothing and education. Besides that I will need help with rent money,dr's bills paid, daycare, dental and help with my car payments so OUR children will not have to go without. I will also expect 50/50 custody of our children which will require you to act like a father to them, rather than an employer. You will be required to fork out more money than already outlined because you will need to provide for them when they are in your care.
This will probably scare the crap out of him because it will hurt in the pocket. Frankly he sounds like disgusting human being and has no respect for you as either a person, a partner or the mother of his children. If money is so important to him, more so than the welfare of his children, get him where it hurts the most.
How you ever managed to stay with him at HIS house and managed to have 2 children with him is astounding, perhaps your choice was a bad one and now its time to move on while you are still young enough.
To suggest that you are only 'borrowing' money for the childrens welfare shows a selfish and pathetic man... was he going to make you pay with interest when they are 18yo?
2007-09-23 08:43:48 · answer #7 · answered by wotzthepoint? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
God yes he's being selfish! You are his room mate and maid with benefits! You'd certainly be better off getting your own place and collecting child support! What kind of *** treats the mother of his children as if she were no more than a room mate?
Get out! Find a real man that will treat you like a lover and a friend, and not his room mate! It will be hard at first, but I don't think you'll be sorry in the long run I'd bet you'll be a lot happier!
2007-09-18 23:10:36 · answer #8 · answered by ReBelle 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Tell your man that he needs to get a grip.Because him paying is not the extent of wah the should.He has KIDS.You should not be paying all the crap by yourself!Tell him that he needs to REcalculate what he is telling you to do.Maybe you do need to move out,and get you a nice apartment for you and your kids,so that way he can pay his house payments and ALLLLL the utilities,pluse he can pay CHILD SUPPORT,and he betta believe when you do it that way,he will be paying MUCH more than the house payment!!!!Because,honey yes he is being selfish.You are taking care of them kids and HIM by yourself.Talk to him and you do need to move on your own,cause you have kids,you dont have time to play with him.What is he expecting u to do if you DONT wanna work,just lay around having his kids every year,until he gets tired of you and put you outwith all 12 of your kids.You need to let him know that he is NOT running things.Its suppose to be a 50/50 relatonship
2007-09-25 17:57:50 · answer #9 · answered by luv11syng 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should realize he is using you for money!!! At least, that's what he is doing right now...
I've been looking around, and i'll be damned if i can find any REAL MEN left on this planet.
When we enter into a relationship and live together, we really need to talk about financial responsibilities, and the way we are going to live BEFORE we walk in, bag and baggage.
I think that, if he won't come to some reasonable compromise, then he can find some other woman to pay his bills?
this is really disgusting.. i don't like him.
2007-09-18 23:18:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
Girl, get your kids and your belongings and go get you an apartment of your own. He is juicing you. I think it is understandable that you pay some of the utilities, but he needs to pay co-pays, daycare, etc. You can do bad all by yourself.
2007-09-18 23:32:39 · answer #11 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋