Neighor ruined our dog sitting trade by paying me anyway. Help!?

Question

My neighbor had a crisis a few days before her 10-day Alaska cruise: her dog sitter cancelled at last moment. She asked me if I would keep her dog. I told her yes, and I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, but it was tougher than I thought. Her dog just turned 1 while she was away, and it is a yappy Maltice. Now it's a cutie, but that dog is in serious need of dog training (plus it peed all over my house). Well, just before she left she said "When I return I want to take you and Marty {my husband} out for dinner" but I said, "Well, I think it would be great if you would be avialable for 10 days of dog sitting for us considering we travel a lot". Well, that was our deal. Now she is back and she just brought over a nice gift from Alaska, a $75 gift certificate to Baby's R Us (I'm 15 wks pregnant), and she gave us a $75 gift certificate to a VERY exp restaurant here in Altanta (the cost of dinner at this place will be at least $150.00). (continued below)

I'm actually grateful for her generosity ,but I'm highly confused. Our deal was to trade off dog sitting (both of us live long ways from our parents). Now with almost $200 in gifts, I don't feel that opporunity is available anymore. When she gave me the gifts, I did say "Oh, my... I thought we were doing a trade - does this mean the deal is off?" And she said "Oh, I just wanted to do this for you, also, because it was last minute, and I know that taking care of a puppy for 10 days is hard (no kidding)." But now that she is giving me almost $200 in gifts, I feel that it puts me in a tight spot - can someone provide insight on what etiquette would be in such a situation (I'm posting this in the dog area and in an area regarding ethics). I'm actually grateful, but I'm also a little pissed off b/c I feel that she did this to not be asked to keep my dog. This is what I really think. Someone help me with this {confused}.

I posted this question also in the dog sectoin, and I received many of the same responses. I guess I am not use to such generous people. I didn't even tell her that her dog pottied all over my house (I just followed the little knucklehead all of the time cleaning up after her). I did give the little dog a birthday party (no cost involved - we put a candle in her dog food and put a cone birthday hat on her). I just was worried b/c dog sitting in Atlanta is about $40 a day so it is expensive. I just wasn't so sure if this negated our deal, and I'm depending on it in November. Thanks so far.

Answer 1

Let her be generous. She wanted to. And let her keep her word to dog-sit for you later. Don't over-think it.

Answer 2

I think you should ask her to keep your dog for the ten day trip. What she gave you was a gift, not payment. The payment is taking care of your dog, and it seems from what you said that she plans to keep that part of the agreement.

Because she gave you a gift doesn't mean you are obligated to give her a gift of equal value. Perhaps she lots LOTS more money than you?

If the gift certificate for the very expensive restaurant is a problem because the full dinner would still cost you a lot of money, why not go there for an early "light dinner" or late dessert? Maybe an early movie or something like that and stop in and treat yourself to a $75 cup of coffee, after dinner drink and fancy to die for dessert? Sounds good to me.

Also, many people now make lighter meals by only ordering appetizers, order a few, plus drinks, and that should still keep you within the $75 gift certificate range. Enjoy the gifts. You earned them actually.

Answer 3

She did that because she sees you as more than just a neighbor who can help out with errands and chores. She sees you as a friend. She went on a trip, left you with her dog, and when she came back she realized how rough you had it. Pregnant, and with a yapping puppy. She was just trying to do something nice for you since you were patient with her dog. The deal is still on. If it weren't she would have said so. The other thing is that she went on a trip. It is very common for people to bring their friends back souvenirs when they come back. Also chances are that you cleaned your carpet already, and the closest thing she could do is get you some kind of gift certificate to make up for the financial loss you incurred cleaning the carpet. My advice, write her a thank you note for everything she sent you without mentioning the deal, and enjoy the friendship. Look at her as a friend and not an acquaintance that you can trade off chores with once in a while.

Answer 4

Let her give the gifts. Next time you need a sitter, ask her. If she won't or can't, well, she did give you some nice gifts.
I would not hold it against her, she may be trying to nicely tell you, without words, that she can't sit with your dog.
And by the way, if she does agree to sit with your dog, make sure you understand the cost. Ask very clearly what she wants for doing this, and if she wants nothing, give her a little something anyway.

Answer 5

I can definitely understand where your concerns stem from in this situation, it seems like her compensation to you was beyond a little "extra" for thanks. However, I think that is what it was intended to be. She knew that you were a lifesaver in her last-minute arrangements, and she knew she had a high-maintenance dog. If she had found a kennel rather than someone to housesit, it wouldn't have been nearly as large of an issue, since the dog would have been kept in a confined space which was prepared for such "accidents," but she knew what you had to deal with in your home. I think she was simply being thoughtful and wanted to do something "extra" for you, not trying to negate dog-sitting in the future.

Answer 6

I think she still intends to do the trade with you. It seems to me like the gifts are a "thank you" because what you did was a little extra--you agreed to a long period of dogsitting at the last minute, and you put up with a high-maintenance puppy. From her standpoint, she was in a terrible position--a few days before her cruise she loses her dog sitter-- and you bailed her out. The bailout alone warranted the gifts; the dogsitting still warrants a dogsitting in return.

Answer 7

I don't blame you for being concerned, but maybe she really is just grateful for your last minute assistance. Plus she might have felt guilty because her dog is not well trained. There's really no way to know how she will react when you ask her to dogsit for you. I think that all you can do is ask her, when you need the help, and see how she responds.
Maybe set aside the restaurant gift certificate, and if your neighbor won't agree to dogsit for you when the time comes, use it to thank whoever does agree to dogsit for you.

Answer 8

maybe she knows that the dog is hard to handle, for she says...

"Oh, I just wanted to do this for you, also, because it was last minute, and I know that taking care of a puppy for 10 days is hard."

Also, its important to note, the dog that you are "dog sitting" is a puppy. Puppy's are by nature playful and seldom are they trained.

enjoy her generosity, if you are satisfied and wish to do it again, why not? but please note that this time you are "15 wks pregnant" maybe she thinks that you deserve a bonus, if you dog sit for her again, there is a possibility that she will not be so generous, then again, maybe she is just a really kind lady.

good luck on your pregnancy, congrats.

Answer 9

I think you're fine to ask her to dog-sit for you later. And it wouldn't hurt if you made a little thank-you gesture after she dogsits for you. But you don't have to spend as much money as she did.