How do I know he's serious this time?

Question

My boyfriend and I started out very casual... Embarrased to say it but it was basically friends with benifits. This went on for a few months but then I decided I wanted someone more. He always told me he didnt want anything serious. So for a few months after that we didnt talk... I tried dating and nothing really serious came out of that for one reason or another. Then he called me out of the blue one night and he was upset. He said he missed me and that he missed not just the sex but the other little things. Making dinner together, going out, sleeping in on the weekend etc. So he said he wanted to be serious he was ready to settle down and all of that. He's military and had to go to Germany but asked me to marry him and I told him when he got home that we could talk more about it and that I'd love to be with him. Two weeks of being over there he calls to say he doesnt know about anything anymore... And now he'll be home for Thanksgiving and wants to work it out... Is he for real?

Answer 1

Your asking the wrong question, he was always "serious" (your using serious to define a life long reliatonship, not a relationships intensity, don't confuse yourself) and of course he is "for real" thats not the point, the point is can you be satisfied with the WAY he loves you. Which from my point of view I see this going good for a few months, maybe even a year, then the fact that your really not friends will eventually destory the fantasy your trying to create. See friends with benefits is just a nice way of saying two people that don't want to comment because they don't share anything more then sex as being the defining factor of the relaitonship. THats never the "truth" which is what you both feel, but the point remains you guys don't understand what your dealing with, you guys simply grasp for each other because you've never had any other relationships that have effecting you as much. Well this end will? Will this have a chance is the really questions. ANd the fact is it does have a chance, if you guys can be more honest with each other. To treat sex as something causal is a bs misunderstanding of how it effects us, and thats what scares me and sends warning lights about how this is going to go. But thru honesty anythings possible, but be frank you guys "loved" each other a long time before this came up, but that doesn't matter how you guys love each other is going to be what makes are breck this.