I asked my cousin to be in my wedding about five months ago and she was thrilled, now I find out that she has been trying to get pregnant and is currently pregnant with her third child. She is due two weeks after my wedding and I don't know what to do. I angry becasue she still wants to be in the wedding even though we don't know if she will be able to make it. I am paying for the bridesmaids dresses and chose an inexpensive dress that won't be able to fit her because we have no idea what size she is going to end up. We also don't want to spend the money on an extra tux if she has the baby early which happened with her two other chldren. I am I being petty and selfish or do you think it would be OK to ask her not to be in the wedding anymore. I feel like she brought this on, She is the only bridesmaid and I feel like she is ruining my wedding because I have NO ONE else to be in the wedding party, I am mad at her becasue she could have waited six months to have a baby!
2007-09-18 10:57:57 · 35 answers · asked by lunitari601 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I am paying for all the bridesmais and grroms mens tuxes so if she insists on being in the wedding I have to pay for her pairs tux even though she may not show up.
2007-09-18 12:14:32 · update #1
I know exactly what you are going through! My sister is trying to get pregnant and I'm in fear she won't be able to make it to my wedding if she does end up conceiving. I am so happy that she's trying for a second child, but the Bridezilla in me comes out now and then. Here's what I have planned. If she does get pregnant and can't make it to the wedding, oh well. So I'll be short someone in my wedding party. No biggie! To explain myself I'll make sure we give a toast at the reception to my sister and the new addition to her family. I would rather her be happy with a new child then to spaz over it and ruin our relationship.
I do understand that it does drive you nuts because it's your wedding and you want it to be perfect, but it won't be regardless of how hard you try. Just be happy for you cousin and realize that she is just as happy as you are right now.
Go out and look for maternity dresses. Make sure it's inexpensive in case she can't make it.
Just remember to breath and not everything has to be perfect. Your wedding day is about marrying the love of your life!
Good luck!
2007-09-18 12:31:38 · answer #1 · answered by Tostito 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
What if a week before your wedding one of your bridesmaids was injured and was confined to a wheelchair? She was healthy enough to be in your wedding and attend the reception, but just couldn't stand at all. Would you kick her out of your wedding? Or would you show her compassion and have her in your wedding anyway because you love her and want her to be your bridesmaid. You don't say what church your wedding is in, but I can't imagine any church would be so heartless to make a pregnant woman stand for 30 to 40 minutes. 30 to 40 minutes is not a short service. A short service is 10 minutes. She's not giving you a hard time, you're giving her a hard time. She's spent money and time to be in your wedding. The least you can do is accommodate her and have a chair nearby so she can sit if she needs to. Standing or sitting sustained for 30 minutes or more can be torture for a pregnant woman. Have a heart and give the woman a chair!!
2016-05-17 23:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, she isn't ruining your wedding. Yes, you are being selfish and over-reacting. There are simple solutions to this situation. You can get her a different style dress in the same color as the others. Make sure it is something that is loose in the front so it will fit a pregnant tummy or a just-after-the-baby tummy. Or, rather than have her being a bridesmaid, ask her to do a reading instead. That way, if she should have the baby so close to the wedding that she can't attend, you can quickly find someone else to fill in.
Calm yourself down and think it through with some common sense!
2007-09-18 15:20:48 · answer #3 · answered by ds37x 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your cousin is obviously important to you. She's the only bridesmaid and she was thrilled to be one for you. Her pregnancy does throw a monkey wrench in the plan, but with compromise, it can still run smoothly. If you don't know if she'll be able to make it, but she still wants to be involved, both of you must accept a Plan B. Decide if you want to have a backup bridesmaid. Have her send something meaningful to you both- a pic of the two of you together, a shared toy, a lock of her hair, that you can respectfully refer to during or after the ceremony. Try to exchange the dress for one that will fit. If this is a problem, sell the dress and purchase one that is more appropriate. If her baby will be in attendance, ask her to provide his tux. I don't want to tell you that you're being selfish, but I think you're overreacting. Take a moment to remember that even if you're trying, you never know when you're going to get pregnant. This is a time that you two should be happy for each other. She shouldn't have to put her motherhood or the completion of her family on hold for your wedding. If God forbid, something happened in the near future that made her unable to have more children, I bet you'd be relieved that she chose to have one at this time. I doubt a confrontation would end positively. Mothers are extremely defensive of their children and maternal rights. Try to find a way to diffuse your anger and approach her with a clearer mind and heart.
2007-09-18 11:39:42 · answer #4 · answered by Lovey 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow, you are mad at her because she decided to get pregnant without consulting with you first to make sure it fit into your wedding schedule? How selfish of you. You have no right to be upset with her for being pregnant. Dresses can always be altered, but I don't understand why you would need an extra tux if has the baby early. Sounds like you are making a big deal out of nothing. Be happy that she is pregnant and healthy and bringing another life into this world.
2007-09-18 11:33:35 · answer #5 · answered by musicgrl42002 5 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Ok, first of all, calm down, you are upset and speaking very irrationally. In two weeks when the dust has settled, i am sure if you come back and re-read this question you will be absolutely mortified that you wrote "I am mad at her becasue she could have waited six months to have a baby!"
Unfortunately with babies, its a completely private thing between an husband and a wife. People dont announce that they are trying or pregnant in the 1st trimester because of 2 things; #1 wanting to get pregnant and actually getting pregnant are 2 totally different things, it takes some women years to conceive and others can do it on the first try. For those that it takes a while its a hard and stressful situation because you are trying to do everything right and bringing others into the fold only ends with painful questions of "are you pregnant yet?" and "Hows it going" which are awful if you are trying each month and wind up getting your period time after time. #2 about 95% of miscarriages happen in the first 3 months of pregnancy, imagine if she had told everyone and gotten everyone excited and then had to turn around and tell everyone she lost the baby. Losing a baby is devistating, my sister has had multiple miscarriages, each time it gets harder and harder, I hope you never suffer the same misfortune, no woman ever deserves to go through that.
She didnt have to clear her life decisions with you, remember that. Just as you wouldnt want to be told to hold off on your wedding because she is pregnant, its not fair to say that she should have held off to accomodate you.
You do have a right to say to her, "Jane, I just feel like this situation is way to risky and you know I am an over planner, how about instead of being my MOH you step down and concentrate on yourself and the baby and just be an honorary MOH for me. I will ask Sue to stand up with me, but maybe you could do a reading. That way it will be less stressful to both of us.." And see what she says, maybe being a reader (which is a position that is easily replaced at the last minute)
But I do think you need to calm down before you do anything else, dont talk to her while you are so heated because you will say something you will regret, you've already said some pretty mean spirited things in this post and you are only writing, in a face to face with her the more you talk the more angry you may get and would be more likely to say something not so nice that may ruin your relationship forever.
Best of luck.
2007-09-18 11:21:49 · answer #6 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 11⤊ 2⤋
Well, I see your concern for her maybe not being able to attend when she may be giving birth on the same day (being 2 weeks early would not be uncommon). Plus would she be able to stand for the whole ceremony? Plus if she has to travel or deal with any stress planning for you then it may endanger her baby.
If those were your true concerns then they may be legit. But the way you phrased all of this was a bit selfish sounding (just my honest opinion). You should be happy for the new addition to your family.
If you want to address these concerns with her in a rational and genuine way then maybe you should. But I think deep down you know that she did not get pregnant just to ruin your wedding. A few hours from now you will realize how ridiculous this sounds and probably delete it.
Don't worry, it will all work out. Good luck.
2007-09-18 11:58:25 · answer #7 · answered by az 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Why would you need to buy an extra tux? Just tell her to get a dress that will fit her for the wedding and have someone else as a back up plan.
2007-09-18 11:03:44 · answer #8 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You said you're paying for the bridesmaids DRESSES...yet she's your only attendant?
Wait until a month before the wedding, go to Target or A Pea in the Pod and buy a beautiful maternity dress, plain and simple.
You need to grow up and get your priorities straight. I'm sure if she saw you asking this question she would be THRILLED to back out of the wedding.
2007-09-18 13:18:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I know it's your big day but don't be upset with her for having a baby, be happy for her. This wedding will come and go and do you really want to be remembered for the way you treated her? Help her find a dress for the wedding. Buy it off the rack and take it back if she delivers. If she needs a different dress cuz she's had the baby, do that too. C'mon. It's about family and love, not her belly ruining your wedding. Start the marriage off right, with love and understanding and that goes for your friends and family,, not just the groom. Good luck.
2007-09-18 11:19:10 · answer #10 · answered by Gr8estluv 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋