I suspect lies, so i invade his privacy. I end up being right everytime. What do I do? I love him so much?

Question

I had his voicemail password throughout our entire 8month relationship. So we argued a lot because I constantly saw that he was involved with no good females. but he never knew how i would find out about them. It was females that he's been involved with sexually in the past. and if we would break up for a few days, he would go have sex with them again. So, we were broke up for about 2 months, and i finally told him my secret and got it off my chest that i've had access to his call records all along. Now we're trying to work things out. he tells me he's no longer involved w/ those girls, but he still is! I know this because I still have ACCESS! Do I tell him I invaded his privacy AGAIN? or just leave him alone? I know I'm wrong here, but I love him and I want things to work out. why is it so hard for him to leave this females alone? I do so much more for him than those girls. and he tells me he loves me, but...He just lied today and said he doesnt talk to them, But he called them 2day.

he did not give me his password. I guessed it. and he thinks I no longer have access

Answer 1

I'm not even going to read your whole message, just responding to the original question.

You suspect he lies, then find out you are right and he is lying? What's the question then? You really think that's a good relationship to be in. I'm sure he's so good to you, and he REALLY loves you, but you know that he lies to you. Not once or twice, but all the time. Figure it out. When it stops being small, and ends up being something major, don't come back on here crying. You know what you should do now. Just leave him before it really hurts.

Answer 2

You know I've often times heard women say that "men just don't get it". Now I have to admit that I don't always know just what "It" is but I have to say that in this case, YOU AREN'T GETTING "IT".

He's going to mess with other women, ALWAYS!
Even when he knows that you know, HE DOES IT ANYWAY!
You say you love him so much, but I have to wonder just what is so loveable about the guy. Is it his cheating? Is it the fact that he disrespects you so much to cheat on you, & then lie about it? Or, maybe it's the romantic notion that he'll one day give you the gift that only a man like him can give to the woman who loves him the most...an STD!
OK, I'll stop with the sarcasm now.

If you feel guilty about invading his privacy, then why do you stick with a man who you couldn't possibly trust?
Is your self esteem so low that you feel that this is the only kind of guy that you deserve?
I can promise you that you could walk up to ANYBODY on the street right now, & even if it's a complete stranger, they would tell you that you deserve better than that. Heck, I'll go one further, if your best girlfriend told you that her man treated her the way you let this guy treat you (yes you LET him get away with this honey) wouldn't the 1st words out of your mouth be "DUMP HIM"?
So why can't you be your own best friend? Why do you hold everyone else to a higher standard than you do for yourself?

I hope you will say "enough with the checking up on him, enough of being with a man who isn't worthy of my energy, time, or trust".
So dump the fool.

Answer 3

I think a lot of girls go through their man's stuff- at the beginning of a relationship. I did it- I think we all do- I no longer do though.

You obviously don't trust him and with reason. He's lying TO YOUR FACE. move on sister!
you can't trust him and in the end you're going have no self esteem at all and you're going to hate the person you've become.

He's not serious about you- he's serious about sleeping around.

You're in an open relationship- that's the way it is and you let it be that way by not putting your foot down and stopping his games.

He's not going to change- obviously so stop wasting your time.


side note* J* is right on the money and he's a GUY. there is a MAJOR difference between loving someone and being in love with someone. just something for you to think about.

Answer 4

WOW WOW WOW!!! First off there is no man worth goin through all the trouble for!! If he's lied before and he isn't showing you that he is ready to change (which obviously he is NOT) then you need to just suck it up and count your losses and MOVE ON!! I know it's hard because they can be such sweet talker (I know this because it happened to me) but you need to know that your gut and your heart are not agreeing with each other so something has to give. And what your heart is telling you to do is making you continuously be disrespected! So the best thing to do is not even pay him the time of day! yeah like you sd you do so much more for him then these woman do...OK then, let them take care of him and do for him what you do! Let him know that he is not even good enough to be with a strong (notice I said strong) woman like you! If he wants to be messin with these females that are nothing then let him! You need to take care of you! That means gathering your girlfriends up and just sitting around for a couple days (yes only a couple) and beind sad, because anyone who says just forget it had never gone through it. It's going to take a couple days of being sad and moping around, but then after that if you have a solid group of friends that cazn help out, you'll get over it in no time! Maybe treat yourself to a "feel good" day and just slowly start picking up the pieces and move on. Try going out to meet new people. Not necessarily men because that's what we're trying to get away from, but just good people to be around. The nest thing I can tell you, is it's all about confidence!! Once you prove that you are stronger without him, it's going to be so easy! You're better then that and you need to just leave him be with those females who are obviously second class trash if they want to mess with some dude who has a chick!! LEAVE HIM BE!!

Best of luck and I know it's going to be hard but you can do it! Be strong!

Answer 5

Wow, this is really sad that you would even consider staying with this guy, he seems like such a disgusting jackass, he's someone you would see on Jerry Springer as girls are trying to find out if he's the baby-daddy. Have some self respect and get rid of the loser. He's sleeping with chicks when you were only broken up for a couple days!!!! He's gross, how could you be attracted to someone like that?

Answer 6

Okay, imagine if you guys are married. One day you guys argue and guess what? he leaves the house and stay at the other females house... How do you feel about that? Can you stand him leaving you every time you guys argue to be with the other women? If you can't see that happening? then you know what to do... Move on, 8 months is not a long time, but if you see this coming and still hang on.. then it's shame on you in the future... Because you know its coming...

Answer 7

It is easy to tell a person to move on BUT it is so hard to do esp. when you feel as if you love the person who is participating in the behavior that causes you pain. You have choices that only you can make and you are well aware of those choices. You can either believe the lies if that is what they are that he tells you or you can continue doing what you are doing and keep hurting your self. Only you can make the decisions that you happy.

Answer 8

Be prepared to be miserable if all you can say is that "I love him"

Your heart doesn't think, and unless you accept the obvious and be smart about what you are doing, you are just playing stupid for your heart's sake, Until your heart is ripped out when he pulls the last straw and you finally realize what a waste of time and emotion he was.

Ain't love grand.

Answer 9

been there done that!! my advice is to leave him once and for all ..if not you will find these girls will ALWAYS be in your relationship if not one girl then its gonna be another girl ...WAKE UP!! if he really loved you he wouldnt lie to you..if he really loved you he would drop them for you...but that fact that you keep taking him back every time means to him that he can still treat you badly and he knows that you will always come back...have some respect for yourself and just leave and never turn back I know its hard cuz you "love" him but trust me you will get over it and find someone 10x's better then him..

Answer 10

Short and sweet? Find someone genuine and trustworthy and have a loving relationship. Find someone who will be true to you and then you won't have to waste so much of your life with the sneakiness.