$xxx per plate... what is this?

Question

Is this the amount of money that it costs per person who are attending the wedding? How do guest find out this number? Why is everyone basing how much they give as a gift based on this number?

Please educated me.

finding out*

Answer 1

You can't always get an exact cost per plate. Sometimes if you call the hall they will give you their minimums and maximums. This is NOT what you have to give, but most people feel they should at least cover this cost. You are never under any obligation to give a gift, yet alone one of a certain value.

Answer 2

It's ridiculous to think someone would give a gift based on the value of the dinner. If that were the case, people should just forgo the reception and save the money because it would be a wash anyway. And what would you do in the case of a family invited to the wedding? For example, my family (my husband and I, plus our three children) were invited to a wedding for a close family friend. I happen to know how much the per plate cost was, and let me tell you, if I multiplied that by five I'd never be able to afford that much of a gift.

Answer 3

When a Bride and Groom have their reception at a hotel or at a resort or at a banquet hall or through a caterer they are quoted a price for each dinner served . . and that is called "the per person price" . . $25.95 . . $59.95 . . $95.00 . . $125.00

And every caterer or hotel or banquet hall is different because there are different levels of service and amenities. It is very difficult to make a comparison because of all the variables. Some of the meals are very simple like "punch and wedding cake only" . . and some have them have several courses plus a dessert station, a cigar station, and an international coffee and tea station.

The average "per person price" in the US (Maine to California) is $185 (that includes food and drink at the reception).

The amount spent on a wedding gift should NEVER be based on the going rate of cheese and crackers or a chicken dinner.

The amount spent on a wedding gift should only be based on one thing . . and that is your personal relationship with the Bride and/or Groom.

Brother or sister?
Lost lost cousin?
Co-worker that you sit next to everyday?
Co-worker that works in another building?
Childhood friend?
Neighbor?

Most guests are just guessing what their dinner will cost, and most of the time they have underestimated the cost by "leaps and bounds." Just recently I saw someone in "Yahoo Answers" use the figure of $15.

Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant

Answer 4

This is what Miss Manners has to say on the matter of gifts at a wedding.

"But the innovations that are most widely followed, even by those who resent them, are vulgar, impractical or nonsensical — and almost always expensive. Here are some that Miss Manners refuses to sanction:

That the wedding couple is not only entitled but obligated to think up their own presents, and that guests are bound to buy them as directed. Worse, that guests are supposed to bring goods equivalent in value to the cost of the food and drink they receive. And that the couple has a year after the wedding in which to send their thanks.

Getting married does not endow people with the privilege of levying taxes or charging admission. It does give them the obligation of expressing their gratitude in writing immediately, and to refrain from complaining about what a burden it is to be the recipient of so many people's generosity. Presents are voluntary, and should be selected by the giver, but never brought along to the wedding, where collecting them causes no end of trouble."

Answer 5

If you go by the rule of covering your plate, you are stuck either way. I once declined a wedding invitation partly because of a sluggish cash flow in my life. I figured I couldn't afford the gift that was expected, so I may as well not show up at all, thusly it wouldn't cost anyone any money to feed me.

But I was gossiped about by my friends, because they said that the invitation, whether I attended the wedding or not, required that I send a gift. The only way to get out of it is to ask the couple not to invite you, if you cannot give the proper gift.

Wedding couples really have you, if you think you can get away without coughing up a wad of cash, think again.

Answer 6

The guests dont need to know how much the meal is costing. They just rock up and enjoy the day.
The $$$ per plate is how much per person the reception venue is charging whoever is paying for the event. And the gift that the guest gives does NOT have to be equivalent to the cost of the meal. It can be whatever the guest can afford and wants to gvie. Sometimes more......sometimes less.

Answer 7

If you are close to family or the bride, normally, those little details come across, but they are not (should not) be disclosed to the guest as a way of guilting them into gifting.

My rule of thumb is to more or less guess the amount they are spending on their wedding and gift accordingly.

Small wedding $50
Big wedding $100-200
Family wedding, wedding party $200 and up

Good luck

EDIT: People should not eat chateaubriand and shrimp and drink like is the end of the world, and then bring a $10 candle holder from Dollar General. It's simply rude. Figure out how much would it cost for you and your guest to go out for dinner and drinks and at least give an comparable amount as a matter of courtesy. It's not a rule or an imposition, but rather, a matter of having good manners when you can afford to do so.

Answer 8

There is no "rule" that the value of a guest's thank you gift should equal the hosts' cash outlay for entertaining that guest. If one is a "starving student" then one gives a modest gift, and if one is "rolling in it" then on gives lavishly.

However, there the fact that most of us don't want to appear to be freeloaders, to be folks who regard a wedding as an oportunity to eat like swine and drink like fish at someone else's expense. That is where we get the idea that a gift should not be so economical as to make the giver appear cheap.

One can send gifts after the wedding and reception, and many people do. The gift is a thank you for all the good things you enjoyed at the reception, and one may want to wait and see just how good that reception is before choosing a gift.

Answer 9

Knowing how much a wedding costs, I tend to give more. I know how much per person the whole she-bang costs and I would like to give them something close to it. I would be embarrassed giving a $50 gift when I know the bride and groom probably just spent $200-300 for me and my husband to attend. (eat, drink and have a good time) I kind of liken it to showing up in shorts and a t shirt to a formal affair. Miss Manners and Emily Post don't have a clue when it comes to etiquette & gift giving - They are at least 100 years off the mark. Yes technically a gift isn't required, but come on - are you really going to be the cheapskate who shows up empty handed?

I think wedding gift giving is regional in its traditions. In NY/Long Island - 99.9% of the people give money. I think it stems from an Italian tradition. I had a friend who just got married in Massachusetts and she said half gave physical gifts and half gave money. She then realized that the MA half of the party gave gifts because that is the norm there and the NY half all gave money.

Go with the norm and go with what is comfortable for you - all while trying not to look cheap. It is a balancing act yes, but in the end the bride and groom are grateful for any gift they receive.

Answer 10

Basing your gift on the "cost of your plate" is an etiquette MYTH that needs to die a quick painless, death, and NOW. Feel free to completely disregard peoples' bad advice.

Gifts are supposed to be based on your affection for the couple and on what you, personally, can afford. That may be $10, or $1000, or anything in between, and it should not have ANY tie whatsoever to what they served you at the reception!