Would you be offended?

Question

If you received a wedding invitation inviting you and your spouse but not your family. I'm not excited about the prospect of having children at my wedding and feel it would be appropriate to invite the adults only (not specifically saying no children, but by addressing the invitation to Mr & Mrs. How would you feel?

Answer 1

First, there is nothing incorrect about inviting adults to a social event and not concerning yourself with their child care arrangements. Indeed, those parents who feel that every invitation includes their children have an overwhelming sense of entitlement. Find a sitter or stay home -- they are YOUR children, not MINE.

Second, such people are generally weak in the etiquette department and don't "get" the notion that only those who are actually invited will be welcome. You have the right idea in that each guest should be invited by name -- no "and guest" or "and family" stuff.

I'd include a phone number under the 'rsvp' and do my head count by phone. That way you have every oportunity to ensure that there is good communication between you and your guests. Be prepared to say things like "I'm sorry, we're not having children" and "The invitation was for you and Dan; we'd love to meet your new neighbors some other time" and, for those who threaten non-attendance, "I'm sorry you feel that way. I hope you'll change your mind."

Of course, not putting "and guest" on invitations doesn't mean you can't allow your guests to bring a special friend. You don't have to if you'd rather not, but if you do want to, then ask "Is there someone special you'd like for me to invite for you?" Consider how different that is from "and guest" with its "Try to scrounge up a date" implication.

A second big advantage to doing the rsvp by phone is that people ask what sort of gift you'd like. It would be tacky, tacky, tacky to bring it up yourself, but if they ask then you are free to tell them.

And BTW, you needn't handle all these phone calls personally; your family and friends can help. Anyone who hasn't called you within 2 weeks after the invitations go out, call them "to be sure that the invitation arrived."

Answer 2

Considering in a few short months I will have a child of my own... I would think that I'd be offended... But I agree. Too many children (no matter how adorable they can be) can make your night kind of a bummer. Especially since it's your wedding and you want to enjoy it and not have to listen to a bunch of screaming kids that are tired because they've been on the go all day (ceremony + reception).

Maybe just invite close relatives' children, but leave out co-workers or friend's or relatives' friends children, because then that gets messy and you also have to accommodate for their food palate...

My friend just had a wedding and only invited children that were involved in the wedding (including her own), and when I can afford a real wedding ceremony + reception, I only plan on inviting closely related children. No friend's children, no co-worker's children. My guest list is already big enough as it is due to the fact that my family is so large (it adds up to about 150 with just our families on it as is...)

Save yourself some sanity and some money - only invite the children you really want there.

Answer 3

No way would I be offend. I feel weddings are for adults. Children do not understand this is a big day for the couple they just see it as a big party. I am having only two children at my wedding (ring bear, flower girl) that is it.

I have found a babysitter that will be keeping an eye on those two! They also will be going upstairs after 9 so they can relax and go to bed. So there parents can enjoy the night and check in on them. Who wants to be chasing Jr around the cake table as the bride and groom cut the cake, or when he tries to hide under the bride dress to get away from mom and dad? I have seen it all done and think Children are wonderful but should not be at weddings. If you don't want them there just say no most 98 percent of your guest will take it well. Best wishes and good luck on your special day!

Answer 4

Honestly, and I know this is going to sound awful, but I'd prefer going to a wedding without children. There's nothing that can kill the moment quicker than a small child wailing away during the vows. I know kids will be kids, but what's the point in having them present during a wedding ceremony? What exactly are they learning from such an event? Personally, I don't think children really understand the concept of weddings or being quiet during such events until they're about 4 or 5 years old. Bringing an infant to such an event is a BIG no-no in my book!

Actually, there are just too many people out there who don't know the proper wedding etiquette when it comes to adressing invitations. Let's say you just want Jane Doe to come to your wedding without her boyfriend, John Smith. Even if you address the invitation saying "Ms. Jane Doe" and she doesn't know proper etiquette when it comes to such a thing, she's still going to bring John along! The best solution for such a thing is to have "Adult Reception" at the bottom of the invitation or in the area of the invitation that states where the reception will be. There's NOTHING wrong with putting this on an invitation. Some people say it's tacky, but I consider it helpful.

Good luck in planning!

Answer 5

It's fairly common to have only adults invited to weddings. And yes, addressing the invitation just to Mr and Mrs should cover it, but some people don't have the sense or the etiquette knowledge to realize that means just the adults, or just don't care or think they are the exception, so if you do that, don't be real surprised at response cards that say "number attending: 4".

When my daughter was married we had lots of out of town family members coming in, many with children, from infants to kids 10 or so. We solved the problem by providing babysitting service during the ceremony and reception - but we were fortunate that there was a daycare center in the building where the wedding was, so we just rented the facilities and staff for the event. And we did make it clear ahead of time to the parents affected that the wedding and reception was for adults, but there would be onsite facilities for their children. Even then, we did have one couple who figured this couldn't possibly apply to their child (age 9 at the time) and just kept her with them all evening.

Good luck. It's always a touchy situation.

Answer 6

I have a one year old and would RELISH going to an adults only wedding reception. I have a very well minded (so far) daughter, but would love some adult time. Yes, I would have to find a babysitter, and that can be hard, but who cares. I know alot of parents would be offended, but they will get over it. Be prepared for some to complain, but just apologize and say this is the way it is. You don't have to give excuses and you can do it without being rude. You will be okay.

YOu just need to be very specific on both your invite and your rsvp cards that children are not invited, that it is an adults only. You can do a search for Adults only wedding invitations online and something should come up.

Answer 7

Nope, not at all. I understand that even though I love my kids, they arent welcome at everything and some places are not appropriate for them to be. If the invite came address to me and the Mr alone, I would do my best to make arrangements for a babysitter, however, and this is a big thing to remember, if I couldnt find a sitter, I would decline the invite. So if you get some no responses because of this reason please dont be offended, most assuredly the guests know that its your wedding day and they would probably like more than anything to be with you to celebrate, but sometimes when you have kids it just doesnt work out that way and you have to take a pass on the event.

Best of luck!

Answer 8

Just remember the Golden Rule! Do onto others as you would want done on to you!! How would you feel if you had children and they didnt get invited to your brothers, cousins, etc. wedding.

My sister just got invited to one of her best friends in high school and the invitation read "Adult reception immediately following ceremony" . It was a total turn off to her because her kids are so well behave and wouldnt have caused a problem.

We just attended a cousins wedding last Saturday and it was so cute watching all the children dancing and having a good time. As a matter of fact, they were the ones that got the adults motivated to dance. One of the cool things they did do at that reception was had a specific kids table set in a back corner that had coloring books, crayons, color pencils and a box of herseys candy bars. This way then the kids had their own table, were occupied and stayed in a specific area if they wanted.

But it is your special day, and if that is the way you want it then that is what you can put on the invite.

Answer 9

I would address it to just Mr. & Mrs. John Doe and then if you haven't already made up your invitations I would put something along these lines on the invitation in the bottom corner
Adult Reception to follow @ 6:00pm
Hall of Weddings
12345 Wedding Way
Wedding Country, USA

Answer 10

As far as people being offended, I think that the answer is: "it's cultural". Based on these message boards, I think that for some people not inviting the kids is perfectly normal and acceptable. However, in some cultures (my fiance's, for example) an invitation means that the whole family is invited. There are always tons of kids at all their events. Yes, they're rowdy and noisy, but kids at weddings are just part of their culture.

Additionally, I think there's a pretty good chance that if you don't explicitly put something like "no children please", or "children over 12 welcome", on the invitation, some people will assume - rightly or wrongly - that the whole family is invited. To avoid any confusion, make the invitation as straight-forward as possible.