I feel jealous and selfish and greedy?

Question

My best friend recently lost her mom and now my mom is doing everything for her. I hate this feeling that I have, yet can't shake it. She has 3 kids & I have none. I just graduated from grad school & am starting a pretty lucrative job however, times are still rough from school debts. I hate it when mom gives her $ or does favors in her home to help. Mom hasn't given me any financial help since I started college or never comes and helps me with any of my housework. I want a baby real bad, but can not have one until my career takes off & I know we can afford it-she had 3 by the time she was 21 & dropped out of school so I know times are rough for her too, but I feel like I am being punished for being responsible. I hate it when my mom says "I'd like a grandchild" & my BF makes comments like "You can have these 3, or these are your grandkids" It drives me nuts, because I will have a child, just not at others expense. I don't want to say anything and sound petty. How can I get over it?

Answer 1

Yes you are being selfish, but come on everyone! You all can't tell me that you would feel all selfless if your parent was doing the same thing. Jealousy would rear its ugly head.

The only thing you can do it: either voice your opinion on the subject and deal with the consequences or just stay tight lipped about it and go on with life.

I've had times in my life like that too with my parents. Its very hard to deal with. The only thing I can tell you is the stupid cliches "keep your head up" and try to "let it go..."

Just know that you don't have three kids and no education.. Even though you are having a hard time financially, its because you bettered yourself by getting an education.

And BTW - you would be surprised about having a baby.. its really not that bad and you make it work one way or another. I had a baby two weeks before my last year of college started (I was 29) and we thought it wuold be hard financially, but somehow it just works itself out. Now I am a firm believer that if we would have waited to be more "financially stable" we would never do it.

Answer 2

Stand back and take a good long look at what you have, by that I mean count your blessings. You have YOUR mom, a b/f, education, lucrative job, good health (I suppose), and your complaining that your mom is there for your best friend?

Sweety, what kind of a friend are you if that bothers you? Your best friend just lost her mom. Come on. Don't say a word about it.

Well, why don't you try helping your friend out too?

You are being petty and selfish, but rise above it, and help your friend any which way you can.

Answer 3

well...heres my take on it.....ur mom realizes that she doesnt need to baby u because ur a responsible woman as far as she sees so she doesnt feel the need to help...im sure if u were to ask her for help..she wouldnt hesitate.....and about the grandkids thing..she probably doesnt want to start those thoughts on u yet because ur not married yet...but anyways....instead of feelin left out..trying joining in the effort to help others whom are less fortunate..ie ur best friend...shes ur friend for a reason...because ur there for each other through thick and thin....u cant always expect to get everythin/all the attention if u dont give some back..good luck...GOd bless :)

Answer 4

pray. your mom is trying to help someone. be glad you are not in the position of your best friend. you still have your mom. think of what you achieved, rather than what you think you are missing. you should feel so proud of yourself that you did all that you have without assistance from mom. your turn will come - God always gives back what we ask in His name. so pray and tell him you do not want these kind of feelings within yourself - please let me learn how to give and not feel jealous when someone else is receiving the giving. you're not really greedy, just hurt, and, really you shouldn't be - you are going to have a great life ahead of you.

Answer 5

just remember when you have baby comes big responsiblity and that is feeding and diapering and up all nite and tired you will be and no one to help the baby is yours so i would wait until you are up for it i am sorry you feel so neglected but hey are you fine and healthy get going and forget your moms problems you'll have them if you dnt' wait. its not fun having lot sof kids and working hard. housework is never done take care.

Answer 6

i think its a little selfish but then again who wouldnt be? you are so used to having your mom there for you all the time and now shes being there for someone else. what you have to understand though is that your mom feels really bad about your friends mom passing so she feels as though she should look out for her. think about it, wouldnt you feel special if your mom passed and your friends mom looked out for you? i think the best thing to do right now is to sit down and talk to your mom and let her know that you feel really uncomfortable and that you miss her.

Answer 7

Your mom learned that people matter more than money does. It is a very important lesson to learn in life too.

when you give yourself to others you get the most in return back.

so if you started to give to your friend too, you would soon see how much you got back . your mom would probably give you everything you wanted then too. , including all her money and her heart.