my gf and i are getting married in vegas in few weeks. we already have a 6 yr old girl and another baby on the way. our 6 yr old assumed were already married(maybe we also feed that information to make her stop asking too many question). now, we both dont know how to tell/explain to her of this vegas wedding. we both want her to be on the occassion as our flower girl. shes a very smart kid and can also get very emotional. please help.
2007-09-18 07:53:02 · 17 answers · asked by mr t 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Since she is a smart kid, then tell her the truth - that you and mommy are getting married - officially.
Explain that you and Mommy love each other enough to be married in the heart and soul - but it's time to take care of the formalities.
AND explain that her role as flower girl is more important than ever because she and the new baby are the living symbols of your love and family.
She's smart. She'll understand - she'll ask hard questions - but at least this will break the ice.
2007-09-18 08:02:02 · answer #1 · answered by Barbara B 7 · 13⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are having a celebration of the love all three of you share for each other with the world, and can she be a part of it by wearing a pretty dress and carrying flowers down the aisle?
And if she asks questions as a six year old can, you could explain to her that you and mom were already married in your hearts all this time, and that she is a product of that love. Now you are getting married so it is legal in the eyes of the state, more for paperwork and tax purposes than anything else. And, you also wanted to have wedding to celebrate your family with her, as your daughter and the new baby, and your family members.
I wouldn't say anything about making your family legitimate according to state law, that would maybe freak her out that she was unsafe before you were married..just play up the fact that you wanted to have a big celebration for your family (as in you, mom, her and the new baby that is going to come), and have invited others to help celebrate as well.
Have fun and good luck!
2007-09-18 15:12:28 · answer #2 · answered by SisterSue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a parent, I have a 5 year old who will turn 6 next month and a 2 year old. You have made a big mistake by lying to her in the first place just because it was easier for you both to not answer questions. This disappoints me.
I would sit her down and talk to her on a 6 year old level and be as truthful as you possibly can. Start off by telling her that next month you three will be taking a little trip to Las Vegas and that Mommy and Daddy are going to get married in a little church there. When she questions you, which she will because all 6 year olds are smart enough to know they've been lied to, I would suggest that you tell her that you both never actually went to a church to get married, but that you were married in your hearts and that you felt it was finally time to go to church and have the pretty ceremony and that it will be so much more special now because she will be able to be a part of the wedding.
If it gets to a point where you are desperate and need to make it better, I would suggest you go from an angle of "Most kids dont get to see their parents get married but that she is special because she will be able to see this"
Good luck, I dont mean to sound preachy, but use this as a lesson, you didnt keep this truth from her for her benefit, you did it for your own ease, and now you are going to pay for it, in the future remember that she is a person too and especially with family matters that affect her she should be clued in to whats going on.
2007-09-18 15:11:46 · answer #3 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 4⤊ 2⤋
Ok so I'm not a parent either, but I would tell her that you two had been married in your hearts since you decided to have her and that marriage is a promise to be together forever.
Then explain that weddings are expensive and hard to plan and so finally you guys got the chance to celebrate your marriage, bc you didn't have the money or time before.
Tell her how happy you are that you guys waited to have your big celebration so that she could take part in it.
I imagine this is somewhat close to the truth.
2007-09-18 15:06:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you can say your getting married... If she's six y.o. the truth may be better. You want your child to trust you and take ownership of what is actually happening. It's a great occasions!! It sounds like you didn't want her to be confused or felt left out. I'm sure you can explain that and as time passes you can have a more mature converstaion about marriage and weddings.
When I was growing up our religion didn't celebrate Xmas but we still got the tree and gifts so the other kids didn't tease us.
2007-09-18 15:06:17 · answer #5 · answered by Lyla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mmmmm, I have a 6 year old too and they are sharp at that age. Anyway i would say something like this 'Mom and Dad are having a big beautiful party to celebrate our love. We always love each other but this day will give us pictures and memories and everyone else will know how much we all love each other when they come to the party.' She will probably be so excited to participate, she'll forget the whole "I thought you were married." part. Good luck!
2007-09-18 15:48:48 · answer #6 · answered by BNic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, she is only six; so in my opinion I would just play it out. Let her know that your having a wedding to celebrate being together for so long. Tell her how wonderful it's going to be that she can be involved by being a flower girl. Let her know that it means the world to you both.. I hope that she will understand. If not now; she will in time.
2007-09-18 15:04:26 · answer #7 · answered by diablo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't keep lying to the child. Some day she's going to find out the truth (like when you celebrate the "big" anniversaries: 10, 25, etc. or somebody tells her either accidentally or purposefully) and she'll resent you for it. She won't be 6 for the rest of her life. Like another poster suggested, tell her that you've been married in spirit, but now you want to make it official.
Don't lie to children. Remember that they grow up. They eventually find out that you've lied to them and then they rightfully mistrust you about everything--even the things that really count.
2007-09-18 15:11:04 · answer #8 · answered by Trivial One 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Well, since you already told her you are married why not kinda keep following that path and just tell her that the first time was just like a justice of the peace civil ceremony and that you both wanted something a little more memorable and this was what your both decided on and will celebrate this date from now on and that you are so happy that she'll be able to celebrate with you both this time. When she is older you can explain in more detail. Good luck and God Bless your marriage.
2007-09-18 15:04:01 · answer #9 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Tell her the truth, as soon as possible. Explain that the two of you were just shacking up, but now you are doing the right thing by getting married, and providing her with the stability she deserves.
Congrats and good luck!
2007-09-19 08:30:21 · answer #10 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋