To SPANK Or Not To SPANK...?

Question

Hi, at the moment I'm 34 weeks along with my first little one and I need help!
Me and my husband have been having long talks about spanking our boy... I know its awhile off but I just wanted to get some outside opinions.
I wont tell you who believes what but one of us says that spanking is a natural form of punishment, nothing that would hurt the kid, but just enough to teach him no. He wont be able to understand if you just talk.
The other says that teaching him that hitting is a proper thing to do when someone does something bad, is wrong. It doesn't matter how light the touch.
We don't 'Fight' about it, but we just cant come to a common ground on this. I would rely like to have the issue sorted out before the baby comes.
I get the feeling he will find a way to play us off one another if we are not united in our forms of punishment. The go to this parent and they say no, go to that one and they say yes kind of thing. ( I started doing it at 2yrs)
So what do you do? Spank or no Spak

Answer 1

Spanking is what lazy parents substitute for discipline. (Really lazy parents substitute NOTHING for discipline.)

Take some parenting classes and learn how to use alternative and appropriate punishment.

Things like redirection, time outs, natural consequences, and when they get older, grounding, loss of privileges. extra chores and such.

There are dozens, if not hundreds of ways to get your message across without resorting to physical punishment.

Above all. treat you child(ren) with the same respect you expect form him/them. You will not be disappointed.

Answer 2

At 34 weeks after conception and already the two of you are deciding whether to spank or not spank him/her???

Maybe the two of you should have settled this at least 36 weeks ago! Or maybe even earlier, like before the two of you got married?

IMO, don't have any hard and fast decision ... I mean, see how he/she acts ... some kids are very easy going, others will test you at every chance.

Of course, you will also have to consider the laws of the country/state in which you live. But apart from that, don't be always spanking; but also do realize the difference between "spanking" and "hitting"!!!

There are physical (corporal) methods of punishment. There are non-physical methods of punishment.

Bring them up in the nurture and admonition (teachings) of the Lord. Learn what the Torah says about having a good home. Such positive teachings should greatly reduce the necessity for punishment!!

Answer 3

I'm for spanking, but only if it's used correctly. If not, then I'd suggest not spanking.

I'd say there is a HUGE difference between hitting and spanking. When you hit, it's out of anger with intent to injure/harm. When you spank (correctly that is) it's a planed out punishment due to bad behavior. A true spanking is done by a parent in privet, to their child who is in clear understanding that they have broken the rules. The parent is in no way happy about having to spank, but knows it needs to be done. The spanking happens only after a talk about the rules, and a explanation of which rule they broke.

As for the spanking it's self - Always done on the bottom, in our home it's a bare bottom. Also a spanking is never hard enough to leave permanent marks like bruises (a red bottom is expected, as long as it goes away with in the hour).

Afterwords, and the child has calmed down, there needs to be a positive uplifting talk about how you love them, and "know they can do much better!"

This is not to say parents don't spank in a fit of rage. I think to many parents do, but personally i think that is WRONG. Like I said, if you use spanking as I stated above, it's out of love, not anger or hate.

The decision to spank or not is clearly up to your family, I think it's wonderful your talking about these things now rather then later.

Just a few things I've learned in parenting our girls (4, 8, and 10)

Answer 4

I believe firmly in a good spank now and then. It has to be used with great caution and only in circumstances Ware other methods have failed or in a situation of life and death. Something like...."Hey billy stop running out in the street'" and he does it again. WHAP! If the situation is not fixed immediately he could be killed so you have to fix it right away and without another word about, that is just one example. There are some people that think you should never spank you kids and isint if funny that they for the most part (but not all) have terrible little brats for kids and the parents are normally the one that need a god smack. I say yes spank but use it with caution.

Answer 5

That is a very difficult decision for new parents to make, especially when you're not in agreement about it.

We also had the same talk and here's what we do.
When our son first started testing his boundaries, we used our words to tell him no. Now even though they are not quite sure what this means, they will catch on and start responding. When he got a little older, we started using time outs, # of mintues = child's age. We decided to only use spanking in worst case scenerios, like for hitting, biting, etc. Our son will be three in January and he is a very good listener, this method has worked very well for us.

When it comes down to it, being consistent is the most important, even when you're tired and it seems hard and even when you're in public or at someone's house.

I've also gotten a lot of tips from Supernanny :)

Good luck to you, I hope everything works well for you!

Answer 6

i think spanking is ok, as long as it's not too hard, and the age of the child. i spank my child. i started giving her light tap on her hand when she did things wrong, when she was under a year, and as she got older, i spanked her on the back of the legs, just under her bottom.
i give her three warnings before i do spank her, so i give her time to realise what she is doing. i Never spank her with out giving her warning. other wise she doesn't understand.
i think every child needs a spanking when they are in trouble. i can't think of any thing worse when you hear a mother telling their child that they are being naughty, and nothing happens even after the 30th time they have been told. The naghty chair works well when you are at home or some one's home, but it's not always convient.

Answer 7

Well I can't tell you what to do - I spanked but then I had four boys to raise on my own and they needed it - and I made that decision on my own.
However you are wise to look ahead and to realise that the two of you must be united on this whichever way you decide so it's best to sort it out now.
It will depend on the child(ren later?!)'s character though and you can always (*jointly*) change your mind when they arrive and start to develop.
Good luck and congratulations for already being such a thoughtful parent.

Answer 8

that's tough because alot of parents do believe in spanking, i however do not spank, my son is for the most part well mannered (he's 2) and i've never laid a hand on him (well besides the tap on the hand when he's touching something he shouldnt, but its just a tap not a smack) views and opinions differ so much on this subject, i think its just going to have to be something you two come to an agreement or equal medium on.
good luck

Answer 9

spank the toddler the place the clap would be heard suitable back to the bones of the primate The clap is heard purely interior the room yet interior the generations that it would be exceeded right down to love a the wings of a butterfly, the vibrations of air- the chaos concept is produced onto the inheritor I had quite theory you have been making a poem correct to the 5 finger shuffle (purely observing the call)

Answer 10

It is early to think about punishing your unborn child, but okay... better early than too late. There are good reasons for and against spanking, and I don't really think it is the big ideological issue some people make of it. But if you cannot agree why not try a "non-violent" approach to begin with. Many kids have been brought up wonderfully without ever being spanked. If it turns out that your boy does not react to milder methods of disapproval you can still discuss changing your strategy (and perhaps reach an agreement on the circumstances as they then are).

Answer 11

Spare the rod spoil the child, is what I say. My parents spanked me and my siblings and we all turned out all right. None of us do drugs, have a bad criminal record or anything like that. I would do things differently than what my parents did with the spanking, but I will spank my children when they deserve it.