Am I being "insecure" because I dont like my gf doing her ex's errands when she has people who work for her?

Question

My gf's ex was currently in the hospital for a non-critical surgery. My gf was chosen to take care of her (ofcourse) She spent almost 2 complete days there as well as running her errands. note: her ex has people who work for her that could drop her mail off at home. Also, some flowers appeared in the house yesterday and nothing was said about them ( I didnt even want to ask), and my gf checks her blackberry in the middle of night as of the last week. Yesterday, I said I felt like something was wrong, and she said I needed to be "secure" for the next week. Not, dont worry or anything like that, but to check myself instead.
Should this be making me angry and insecure, because it is definitely not setting well with me and is giving me tremendous anxiety because I am very sad that she seems to have no care for how I feel, it seems so insensitive; or she just doesnt care because she just wants to please her ex, who is much older. How does someone deal with this? It does not seem healthy.

Answer 1

I can understand where you are coming from, but maybe its because its all legit and above board, so your g/f isnt concerned. Its probably no big deal to your g/f, thus she doesnt think its a big deal to you.

Answer 2

Like I told someone else before you an Ex is an Ex unless you have children and have to be civil to them. If your gf is going to be with you, she needs to focus on your relationship not one that no longer exists. Maybe it would be best to put a little space between you both. And yes, she is being very insensitive, especially when she checks her blackberry in the middle of the night. It's possible she has not gotten over her ex yet.

Answer 3

I think your insecurity is very reasonable. Anyone who see his girlfriend doing things for the ex would be worried too. Since you already attempted to talk to her, the best way is to just simply wait until the surgery is over. When is that ex going to be out of the hospital? You can even try to offer your gf help with that ex. to appear more supportive of your gf. This way, your gf would have a hard time deciding who to be with, (if she is really having doubts), especially when you seem to be so supportive, and even try to help her out with the ex. Be sure not to argue with your gf right now, because you don't want her to compare you with the ex. Just try to listen and be real supportive of her, and pretend that that ex is not match to you at all. Women love a confident person. Trust me, it will make it real hard for your gf to choose!

good luck! I had been in this kind of situation before, but I didnt' handle it well. I fought with my then boyfriend a lot, and at the end he picked his ex. Don't make the same mistakes that I did. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sorry to read that. Well... did you ask your gf if she has feelings still for her x? I don't think it's fair to you that she's doing all that. I mean ok, so she helped her x out, but to be acting weird all of a sudden doesn't sound right. You're not being insecure, you just care and it bothers you. Thats normal. I honestly think that you should have a talk with her and let her know how much it means to you. Let her know that you'd rather be hurt with the truth (if something is going on) then find out something on your own later. Don't put the blame towards yourself though... because that isn't healthy. I hope everything works out!

Answer 5

Well her and her ex still must be close and I know that is always hard on a relationship because my boyfriend was still friends with his ex until she tried to get back with him and then he completely cut off ties. I believe that when you break up with someone unless you are single there is no reason why you should have contact with them. Obvioulsy there are still feelings and you just need to be aware of the time they are spending together. maybe ask to come along once and see how she reacts. If its bad then you know there must be something wrong. But try and put your self in her shoes also. Hope everything works out for you as it did with me.

Answer 6

I, for one, would be extremely upset if my partner was spending so much time with an ex. However, I also understand that just because you break up with someone, it doesn't mean you stop caring about them just like that. Were she and her ex still friends prior to the surgery? Is it possible that she and her ex are much better as platonic friends than they were as lovers? I would assume that when women are in relationships with other women, it is possible for them to end their relationship on much friendlier terms than if their ex was a man, just because I really do feel that women can draw the line between friendship and sex much better than men can. (Sorry, men, it's just how I feel.) Talk to your girlfriend, try to put her in your place by asking her how she would feel if you suddenly were spending so much time with your ex, and then as sort of a final compromise, see if she would allow you to come along and visit next time she goes to see her ex. Once you see for yourself that it's nothing to be worried about, you will have peace of mind.

Answer 7

She should be honest and open with you. While you want to trust her, she's not doing things that would indicate her actions trusting. I would trust her to a degree but also keep your guard up.

Answer 8

Dump her before she dumps you. She might just come around. Or she might be relieved. Either way, in the long run, you'll be happier.

Answer 9

that's bittersweet..in a way its ok..cause he needs help but in the other way its bad because he doesn't needing to be asking his ex to do stuff for him because he has plenty of GUY friends who i'm sure would gladly help him instead of her..

Answer 10

Please do her a favor and dump her. You sound like one of these controlling jealous people that abuse women. You should seek therapy.