Major Question???!!!!?

Question

I'm Adopted. I've been adopted 3 times in the last 6 years. My new Gaurdians...thats all they are, and nothing more...just helped me find my real family....I'm happy they helped but here's where the problem lies. My Gaurdians have talked to my familyand told them things that ...I geuss I'm not suppose to know. To me they sound like some kind of secrets...any how, If I wanted to knowfrom my real family, am i denied that right to know? Also My guardian says I'm not allowed to move in with my Family...I'm 18 just getting ready to graduate, so whats wrong with me wanting to be with my real family? Any answers that you guys think may help me plz tell me...Thanks alot, means alot.

Answer 1

I think that what you are referring to as adoption may actually be living in foster homes with legal guardians having been appointed. I'm glad that your new guardians helped you find your 'real or birth' family. However, people who give children up for adoption (something I could never do because I was legally adopted and taken to my new home and family at 3 months) do not always want to be linked back the children they gave up. I was fortunate because I went back to the adoption agency I came from (at age 25) and asked them to set up a conference and pull my file from archives. When I went in, the counselor would not give me my file, but she very kindly answered my questions. As to the identity of my birth mother, she just happened to still be living in the same place and had the same telephone number. My grandmother did not know what to think, but ultimately, the decision was up to my birth mother. We met at the adoption agency and kept in touch for about 5 years. And then one day I called, my grand-mother was very abrupt and would not put my mother on the phone, telling me she had lost a very special grandson and it just wasn't a good time for me to talk to my mother. I did not like being rejected again, so I cut off all ties, much to my birth mother's dismay. She has a teenage grandchild that she has a few pictures of when he was young, but she has never met him in person. At 18, your birth family might not want you to move in with them, although I can certainly understand you wanting to be with them. You can check back with the agency that fostered you out and see if they will contact your birth parents to see if you can arrange to meet. That will give you the answer you are seeking. Of course there are a lot of secrets involved, but it may be at your family's request. All you can do is contact the agency and try your hardest to locate your parents and find out why they haven't asked to meet with you. I wish you the best of luck and I hope that you do not become disappointed if your birth parents say 'no.' It may be an emotionally draining and painful experience for them to relive or they may welcome you with open arms. I hope you find happiness and what you are seeking because I think I know just how you feel. Here's a big hug and if things work out, great! If they don't, try to take things with a grain of salt and know that you are special, regardless of how others accept your situation.

Answer 2

At 18 years old you can do what you want. What someone (either the adopted parents, biological family, or both) may worry about is that you may not be quite mature enough emotionally to deal with some ugly truth that may be there.

Sure, you're 18, but you've obviously gone through a bunch of difficult things, just based on what you've said here. In any young person, the brain isn't even finished maturing until early- to mid-twenties, and before then teenagers can have a tendency to be depressed even when their life is perfect. Whether or not you're a really well adjusted and mature 18 or someone who is a little less emotionally mature doesn't matter. In spite of how old you are, someone may be legitimately worried about telling you something now that maybe you'd be better able to deal with later - say, when you're past at least 21 or 22.

Unless there's some mental health issue that has led to the state having a right to make someone your guardian, you do have the right to do what you want.

If you have been separated from your real family the way you have that must mean they have some kind of problem. If, by any chance, you've had some of the issues that many young people in your situation have, there's the chance that our adoptive parents have tried talking to your biological family in order to let them know how you've been doing and any problems you may have been having.

There's a chance that your biological family may not be able to help support you the right way if you've been having any problems. There's also the chance that there's something about them nobody wants you to know because people don't want to tell a kid bad stuff about biological families, especially if you've just been put back in touch with them and are kind of "getting to know them" again.

There are times when a young person thinks he could handle any bad news he hears about his family, but sometimes it turns out that some ugly truth does throw the young person for a loop.

If you're biological family ("real" family as far as you're concerned) has problems there's the chance they wouldn't be able to afford to support you, and nobody wants to tell you that because it seems like an awful reason for people to not let their child live with them.

If you have a counselor you should really talk very honestly with him/her about what has been going on. If you don't have a counselor you may want to look into finding one. You've apparently been through a real rough time, you're still pretty young, and maybe you could use an outside person to offer you some thoughts on what's going on.

I have an adopted child (adopted from infancy), and I have seen how there can be some really ugly truths behind a child's being placed for adoption. He did eventually meet the biological mother once he grew up, and, believe me, even then it threw him for a loop for a year or so.

Chances are, both your "guardians" and your biological family knows you've been through a lot and wants to do and say the right thing. Both must be aware that you, as a young person, were failed by adults in one way or another. They probably don't want to do or say something that could make you feel even worse.

If your adoptive parents adopted you within the last 6 years its probably because they want very much to do what's right for you. Maybe you don't feel like they're really your parents, but I'm guessing you should at least trust that they're trying to do what is best for you.

Answer 3

If your 18 and fixing to graduate, the only reason I could think of that you can't move is because they don't want you to move in with them. Yes, I think you have the right know. I am surprised anyone can get adopted that many times though. Wait till after you graduate and then leave, if that is what you want. Until then try and make nice as they say you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar and perhaps you can wear down your guardians to find out what you want to know. Also try contacting the person who handled the adoptions, they should know something

Answer 4

your 18 thank god
you made it this far
yeah it does not seem fair they wont tell you anything
they might as well be stabbing you in the back
i was adopted when i was little
i always wanted to know my real father
but never have had the courage i guess that and
i get angry because if they wanted me why give me up
i am now a mother of 4 and would die for them any time
i would never let them go
my advise finish school get a part time job save some $ up
get your own place if you can
and go on with your own life
this is honestly the best thing i think
don't dwell on what others say because you don't know
what is they are saying and you will never know
good luck kid and remember you have a life of greatness just waiting for you out there reach out and embrace your future

Answer 5

I am also adopted, and found my real mom! I was so excited at first, and i wanted to ber a part of her life. I rushed into things without thinking about it, and now regret it. My birth mom is not a good person, and i only opened myself up for more hurt.

You are 18, so you have the right to do what you want. But if you need someone to talk to, im here. Growing up, i so badly wanted to know my real family and be apart of them. But its not as great as it sounds. My birth mother is the reason i grew up in foster homes, i cant forget that.

Answer 6

You are legally an adult at age 18, but you are not all grown up. Y'know what I mean? If your Guardians helped you find and have contact with your b-family because you want that, it sounds like they have your best interests in mind. Can you talk with them about helping you BUILD a relationship with your b-family? Go slow with your b-family. Visit for a weekend. If that goes well, visit for a week. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be with your b-family. But do you really know what you are getting into? I wouldn't just go live with total strangers...not even ones you are related to.

I was in my 40's when I found my b-family, and they really tried to manipulate and control me for THEIR benefit, not mine. I am so glad that I was older, more matured, more settled, more independent than I would have been at 18.

Answer 7

Personally I would take things slow withy our real family. If things are good with your guardians then stay there until you graduate and just visit spend nights with real family. If there are secrets you have every right to know at 18. I just think if you move too fast you might regret it. Just take care and I guess my concern is why you weren't with your real family was it adoption as a baby or something else. Have fun getting to know your bio family. However take things slow.

Answer 8

What your guardians have talked to your biological family doesn't matter, really. Your really will take the time to get to know you for themselves. If your biological family wants you to be involved with them by all means do so. Now that you are 18 legally they can not stop you from dealing with your biological family. I would just explain to your guardians that you appreciate them for what they've done for you but you'd like the opportunity to get to know your biological family. Let them know that if you have a relationship with your guardians that you want to continue that by no means will you forget them or what they've done for you just because you've found your biological family. It's just that your family is now growing. You need to know where you come from, family history and whatever else that family brings. I say continue to build a relationship with your biological family.

Answer 9

i was adopted and i am not quite sure abut why you can't live with your folks maybe there is something about this they can't hav eyou. i am not sure i would ask the parents your real ones if the foster ones don't tell you. i am not sure why or what is going on. heck, you know if you know where the court house is where your sealed records are you could go and get them petition the court isn't too much and then you'd have them and find out all kinds of things but it shoudln't change your mind things that happened years ago dont' mean much now. take care.

Answer 10

You are 18 yrs old and can do whatever you want to legally. Please do think about just moving right in with your family. Mabey go slow and take the time to get to know them good first. Good luck to you.