I recently moved back to the town I grew up in. When I was growing up, there was a guy who was always bugging me and asking me out, even though I wasn't interested. This guy recently discovered I'm back and is now coming around where I work (I have a part-time job at a convenience store alongside my regular job). He tries to flirt and asks me to hang out. He's even asked me for my cell phone number. (Subsequent question: What's a polite way to NOT give him my number?) Anyway, how do I let him know I'm not interested?
2007-09-18 05:25:38 · 17 answers · asked by J-Dawn 7 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Most men when they like someone there is always hope. The goal is not to make him a hopeless man, just in the way of persueing you. Unfortunately you can't just be nice and just drop hints or he will always have the hope of gaining you and won't stop trying.
You need to be blunt with him and that can be done without being rude. Stop what you are doing or wait till a break. Look him in the eyes and say that you found it flattering that he was so willing to persue you, but that you don't share the same feelings that he does. You don't have the same feelings for him as he does for you. You see him as a friend and only as a friend nothing more. There is no couple in the future. So if he wants to be your friend that is great but not a dating friend or a friend "with benefits" as some call sex between friends. You can ask him to please stop asking you out and that your answer of no won't change.
It is o.k. to say these things in this way and unless you do he will keep persuing.
Good luck
2007-09-18 05:42:19 · answer #1 · answered by jhg 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Consistently, persistently.
Don't give a big speech, just never show an interest. Keep all replies to the minimum, when you have to talk at all. Don't whenever you don't really have to.
"I'm working now."
Basically, "Just Say No" (lousy answer to the problem of drug abuse, but most appropriate in these situations).
"Give me your number."
"Sorry, no."
Don't explain. You don't need a reason. If he presses for a reason "Because I don't want to." Why not? "Because I don't want to." Even if you play this out 1,000 times. Giving a reason implies he has some RIGHT to your number. He does not.
The idea is, give no encouragement, as much discouragement as possible, and he'll eventually get bored. (If not, it will become so automatic you can go about your life and hardly notice you're turning him down every few seconds.)
Here are some principles that may help you: Y
ou do NOT owe your affection to anyone who asks.
You do NOT owe your time to anyone who asks.
You do NOT owe your phone number to anyone who asks.
Do NOT let people guilt you into thinking otherwise. It's perfectly polite to refuse any of these things, as long as you do it, well, politely.
Don't insult the person, or be rude, or yell or throw things.
Just be pleasant, but firm. Do not give.
Oh, and when someone tries to insist you DO owe them one or more of those things, that doesn't mean you now owe them an explanation. You don't need a reason to not love someone, not give your time to someone, or not give out your number.
They will try to make you feel like you owe them all these things, including a reason for saying no.
Do NOT let them succeed.
"No, I don't think so." "No, I don't want to." "Can't talk; I'm working."
These are your friends.
2007-09-18 13:30:03 · answer #2 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just be upfront and honest about it. Women never want to be the bad guy; however, he won't like it in the beginning but if he is mature enough he will respect it later. By not coming clean in the beginning and giving him BS excuses he is just going to try to "work around them". If your honest you did nothing wrong... you were truthful and you did string him along.
I would recommend doing this without an audience or quietly so he is not embarrassed by anyone who over hears the conversation.
2007-09-18 13:38:37 · answer #3 · answered by L A 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just say no. Avoiding the problem will only make it worse. I know I knew a girl once that I was interested in that simply avoided me. That hurts worse than just saying no. Made me feel like I wasn't even worth the effort to say it.
2007-09-18 12:32:10 · answer #4 · answered by vyperjeedai 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You let him know directly. You say in no uncertain terms that you aren't interested, and you aren't comfortable with him having your phone number. You don't have to be mean about it, but you do have to be clear. Sometimes when people are trying to be nice, they unwittingly encourage the very behavior they are trying to discourage. Be polite and professional when he comes in and don't engage in conversation. He'll get the idea.
2007-09-18 12:33:22 · answer #5 · answered by Sharon M 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Re the cell #, you just say "sorry, that's for emergencies only, no social calls" and for the rest, just act distant, and since you're at work, just involve yourself with chores- even if it's just useless busy "stuff". You can even say, "sorry, I just have to get back to work!" and basically walk away, if he's especially dense, but hopefully that won't be necessary.
2007-09-18 12:40:27 · answer #6 · answered by GEEGEE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He obviously is persistent so you are going to have to be polite, but blunt: "Thank you for asking, but I'm not interested"
He'll say "why not?"
You can bullshit (not ready, in a relationship, don't want to date, am a lesbien etc). Or you can just say, "Don't get me wrong, you seem like a decent guy, but you're not my type and I'm not interested."
2007-09-18 12:57:43 · answer #7 · answered by Melissa 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Persistence is one of the main topics in romance movies. You don't like him now, but he might start to grow on you.
I say give him a chance and see if you're REALLY not interested. You might have a pleasant surprise. Let him get you to fall in love with him. And just for the record: the best couples I've ever seen are the ones where one party had to work to get the other party.
2007-09-18 12:32:49 · answer #8 · answered by shasha m 2 · 0⤊ 4⤋
Tell him that you are straightening out some things in your life and that you are not dating anyone right now.
Tell him you will take his number but you never give yours out.
2007-09-18 12:43:19 · answer #9 · answered by startwinkle05 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"Well" i'm no relationship expert friend, "But" either way you do it will not be a pleasant one "Simply" because he's going to be hurt regardless "so; I would just look at him and say we need to talk and you need to understand something {name} Your a great guy and i like you for a friend; But" I do not like you in that way {name} "I always thought of you as a good friend that would stick to me like a brother{name} But" your not my type {name} "i'm Sorry. Simple as that!
2007-09-18 12:33:48 · answer #10 · answered by "Ronnie The Chosen" 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋