my parents wont let me have a boyfriend?

Question

hii...im upset because my parents do not trust me to have a boyfriend..and i know why. its all my sisters fault..she had a boyfriend and got pregnant at 22 years old and she isnt even married to him yet and doesnt plan on getting married for a while because she wants a big wedding and she dont have da money for dat right now cuz she has to pay for expenses for da new baby...now my parents are upset with her and they say i cant have a boyfriend either. they think that i will turn out just like her by getting pregnant before im married and they dont want that mistake to happen again. but i know that wont happen to me but they still dont trust me..what do i do? i am 17 and i started dating a guy but i cant tell my parents, and i dont like hiding things from them..help!!

Answer 1

Having a boyfriend is not that big of a deal. You have the rest of your life to do things your way when you turn 18, but be prepared for your parents to stop supporting you. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 18 and when I look back on the last few years (I'm 22 now) I realize I did stupid things and I dated bad people. Everyone thinks they have good judgement of their own actions and lives, but not everyone can be right. Just listen to your parents who will love you forever and when you turn 18 you can do things your way. I have not dated many guys only about 3 and now I'm with the person I love more than anything and we are planning a wedding and life is great for the most part. Just wait.

Answer 2

Hello dear. I would like to address your question by saying that parents are weird but there is definitely a method to their madness! I was filled with hormones (still am..lol) when I was 13, 14, 15 but we were restricted to date or have boyfriends until 16. My parents were on to something that I didn't know then. Although many guys seem innocent, and some are, they still would like to be intimate with you. There is a male/female chemistry that is innate in us that we like to explore. I believe your parents are protecting your well being and I don't think it has a whole lot to do with your sister but I believe that may be somewhere in their mind.

Parents are put over us for a reason, to watch and protect us and to help us through life. Things you see they may not see the same and things they see you may not see the same, but remember this, they would not tell you anything to hurt you.

It is better to get your parent's blessing about this guy instead of hiding him. If that wont work wait until you are 18 and old enough to make your own decisions. When you are older you will look back and remember this question.

I got married to a man that my parents told me to take my time with and he ended up being abusive. At the time I didn't know but parents see things we don't. Be careful, life is precious but in the end you will have to make your own way. It's great to have help from people that have been there before though. Good luck!


**By the way, had my first boyfriend at 19**

Answer 3

First of all, gather your thoughts together in an organized manner so you can speak with your parents in a mature and intelligent way.

1. You are not your sister and shouldn't be punished for decisions she made as an adult.
2. You acknowledge that is you aren't careful, you could end up pregnant like your sister, but would hope that your parents will continue to offer advice and show you how to avoid a situation like your sister's.
3. You have not done anything to make your parents feel you cannot be trusted and are disappointed that they have not acknowledged this.
And so on. Tell them how you feel about being compared to your sister. Be in control of your emotions. Don't whine or cry or yell. Be prepared.

You need to come up with some pros and cons to having a boyfriend....be honest. There are as many cons as there are pros. Write these down and discuss them with your parents.

There should be some rules that you will have to follow in order to have a boyfriend. Write these down (your parents may add some or change some). For example, you have to maintain good grades say a's and b's and you have to finish all your homework before calling your boyfriend or going ouStuff like that.

There should also be punishments for not following the rules, too. Write your ideas down and let your parents add or change them. Be honest about your punishments and come up with some that may sound harsh. Your parents will appreciate this.

Please let your parents know you have a boyfriend. Tell them you didn't want to hide it from them and want to keep an open relationship with them about what's going on in your life. They might get mad, but hopefully, if you have prepared presentation well, they won't.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Don't ever say that something won't happen to you. You don't know what the future holds. Had someone told me last year that I would be living with my boyfriend before we were married, I would have sh*t. But guess what. We just moved in together.

You need to sit down with your parents and discuss this. Telling them will get everything into the open and will make you feel better. It will also show that you are mature enough to discuss this as an adult instead of a child. Ask them if you can invite him over for dinner so that they can meet him. Keep the relationship where your parents can see that they can trust you. Sit in the living room beside each other instead of laying all over each other, making out.

Answer 5

Well, I can understand their concern. They feel like they failed as good parents with your sister -- but they still have you, and have a chance to do it "right" and "save" you! It's hard on you, though.

Don't go around behind their back. They ALWAYS find out, and there goes *any* trust you might have earned. The same nightmare will come back to them: "Omigod, she's fooling around with a guy, too -- she's gonna get pregnant!"

You nee to be mature about this, and show that you are worthy of trust, and ease them into this a little more gently. Keep to groups for a while -- parents always feel like there's safety in numbers (although there really isn't, they feel like that :-) ) Ask to go on SHORT dates at first, like out to dinner and back home. Or to a movie and straight back home, etc. Call your parents and let them know where you are at all times. For example, call them when you are leaving the movies and tell them you'll be home in 10 minutes. Invite your boyfriend to come to your house and let your parents get to know him. If they are comfortable with him (i.e., he has decent manners, is friendly to them, and seems to treat you respectfully (NO public displays of affection in front of the parents, ok?), then they will loosen up.

Good luck! It's not fair, but it is what it is, and you have to deal with it.

Answer 6

The key is trust. Try to negotiate with your parents, going behind their backs would probably be the bad way to go. My boyfriend actually traveled near a hundred miles to my parent's just to ask permission to date me (I was 22).

Build up the trust, show them you are mature and be patient. Let your BF be the old fashioned gentleman and ask permission, yeah that may sound odd but it works. If they can see you are trustworthy and mature and they see he is trustworthy and mature then they will let you.

Answer 7

Then tell them that you are not your sister and make sure you prove it to them. Tell them that part of growing up is exploring relationships and while you understand that your sister screwed things up, that has nothing to do with you. Tell them that having a boyfriend doesn't mean you are going to be intimate with him, and if you can, promise them that you have made the commitment to wait for that until marriage. Then ask them to trust you, as you haven't done anything to betray their trust. Make sure you keep your promise.

Answer 8

No I don't think you should sleep with your boyfriend at your parents house or his.

Answer 9

I think that your parents won't allow you to have a boyfriend because they're afraid that you're going to follow in your sister's footsteps and don't want to repeat history again-especially with you. Your parents are very traditional and believe in family and marriage. You should talk to your parents and tell them how you feel. Prove to them that you are responsible enough to have a boyfriend and most importantly, prove to them that you won't follow in your sister's footsteps. Good luck to you and hopefully my advice helps!