is it rude to not to congratulate both couples on an engagement?

Question

is it rude not to congratulate both people on an engagement?

my boyfriend and I just got engaged that is why i am asking , and I find it rude ... now I am not even sure I would want to spend a dime feeding these people if they can't address both of us ......

Answer 1

I don't understand the context. If they only know one of you then that is the one they would be comfortable congratulating. If they know both of you then i depends on if it is in person or by mail or what...in person, maybe they just didn't get a chance to say it to both, if by mail then they are being a bit rude I'd say. But saying it to one, implies both, afterall you are becoming one unit, you share everything including congrats.

Answer 2

It has alwyas been considered rude to congratulate a woman on her engagement. It's an archaic custom that comes from a time when women had no financial standing, couldn't have money or property and therefore went from being their father's responsibility to becoming their husband's responsibility. Women pretty much had to be married to have any kind of financial security. It was considered rude to congratulate a woman on successfully finding someone to take care of her.

Of course, times have changed, but the custom of not congratulating a bride-to-be hangs on. These people who you are perceiving as rude may just be being especially polite. Of course, it is customary to offer good wishes to the bride-to-be, so these people should have done that if they knew it can be considered rude to congratulate an engaged woman. Either way, I'd let it go. Enjoy being engaged, and don't let little things interfere with this happy time of your life.

Answer 3

If it were your mother then yes. Otherwise, I would say that you may be a little sensitive about this issue. Think of it this way...when someone gets pregnant, who is usually congratulated? Most people tell the mother to be congratulations and do not walk up to the father to be and say congratulations.

So, I wouldn't take it personally. Especially because in the process of planning your upcoming wedding there will be many many other issues that will arise with family and friends that are going to be more stressful than if someone told you congratulations. Additionally, you will probably be the one to insult someone else. For instance, you will invite a single friend and not allow her to bring a guest, you will mispell someones name on an invitation, you will not invite a child that they think they should bring, your mom wants to do something at your wedding and you tell her she can't, etc.

In the end...it's not that big of a deal.

Answer 4

I think there is a good chance that you are over-reacting here. People who know one person in a couple better than the other will frequently address specific remarks or congratulations to them without meaning to make the other person feel left out. Perhaps they are just not thinking or maybe they assume that you will realize that if they are happy for your intended they are also happy for you? Either way, I would suggest you just relax a bit about all this, don't be so quick to feel insulted, and simply enjoy the very happy fact that you are engaged to a man you love!

Answer 5

Well, women are not supposed to be congratulated on engagments or marriages, its very rude, if you dont know. Only the men get congratulated, BUT Best wishes should have been given to you or both of you if you were both standing there and being addressed. Are you saying that people only addressed him and ignored you?

Answer 6

Yes its rude. However some times if say the hubby to be is good friends with someone and doesn't know the bride to be hell just congratulate the man. Not even thinking about the woman, And woman do the same things. Its nothing to be angry about unless it very close friends of both or family members.

Answer 7

If both people are present, yes it's rude. But I don't see any problem in congratulating one when the other isn't around and sending your congratulations to the other.

Answer 8

Yes it is very rude. I know where you are coming from.
I live with my man, we bought a house together and are planning our wedding for 6th July next year. His Aunt came to visit "us" last November. She enjoyed our hospitatlity, I made her a cuppa and home baked biscuits etc.....then in December, he recieved a Christmas card, addressed just to him. No mention of me on it. I was so mad. I have also heard som of his mother's friends and family thought I was a "gold digger" because I was divorced and already had a child......Nobody knows or cares that I came into the relationship with a substantial amount of money in the bank....he had nothing. And that we bought the house using MY money as a deposit. Some people are just thoughtless and have preconcieved ideas. Good on you for not wanting them at the wedding. A wedding is for people who genuinely wish you well. I will not be having this lady or any of the other aunts at our wedding. No way.
Congratulations to you both, and dont let small minded people ruin your happiness.

Answer 9

I'm assuming you mean through the mail, although you aren't specific.

I can't imagine any circumstance where a person would sent a card to congratulate someone on their engagement and intentionally slight their future spouse. In this day and age people text their holiday greetings and send mass emails to announce the birth of their children.

Anyone who goes the extra mile to mail a card gets bonus points in my book for being thoughtful.

Answer 10

Say I run into you and your fiance at the mall, together, and I say to you, "Congratulations on you engagement!" only to you. Then I'm being rude. Or if you and your fiance live together, and I send you a card addressed only to you, and don't say, "Congratulations to you and 'Jim' on your engagement, I'm being rude.

But if I bump into you alone, or send you a congratulatory email or email card, I'm not being rude. It all depends on the situation. We need more information to figure out if someone's being rude here.