My husband's mom committed suicide 3 years ago. Now his dad is dating a really nice woman. They aren't living together, but she redecorated part of the house and packed up some of my husband's old toys and things for him to take. One of the items was a bank that was in the kitchen hutch for years. My husband was really hurt to see that she took it out of the hutch. I think it also bothers him that she went through his old room and packed things up. I try to tell him that it's not a big deal, that he's 31 and shouldn't be keeping things at home anymore. I know it's a lot for him to deal with, but this woman is really good for his dad even if she's sort of meddling with the house. What can I do/say to prevent him from overreacting and disliking her?
2007-09-18 04:44:00 · 7 answers · asked by ♫ Sweet Honesty ♫ 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
This has got to be hard for your husband. The things from the house are just a reminder that there this is change in his life. As far as the things go, perhaps you could suggest to your husband that he makes a special place in your house to display a couple of the things from the house he grew up in for nostalgia. Encourage him to get as much of his stuff out of the house of his childhood as possible and help him move forward.
It may not be easy but help him focus on his life right now - that he is a husband and a grown man and even though he seems to still be greiving his mother one of the best tributes he can give to her is to take care of his relationship with you so that the two of you have a strong loving relationship where neither one of you slips into the kind of despair his mother must have felt. If he focuses on the two of you he won't have time to worry so much about the woman who may marry his dad.
So, while this is tough, think about the way you want your family to be. You and your husband. What kind of life do you want to build together. Help him focus on that.
2007-09-18 05:01:03 · answer #1 · answered by Stayathomemom.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you sure she is good for the Dad? Did the Dad give her permission to meddle with the house, or did she talk him in to letting her do that. I don't like that situation at all and think that your husband is right to have reservations about this woman.
2007-09-18 11:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What she does in your fathers house is none of your husbands business, but I doubt if any of this is about that. People who are left behind after a suicide deal with extreme emotions of grief and lack of closure. Your husband needs some counseling to help him get this stuff out and dealt with. His father is moving on and at 31, you are right, its time his things are moved out of his fathers house. But that bank, in the place it always has been, is a link to his mom and his life before her death. Its sudden removal probably triggered his hurt and anger at his mother for abandoning him. I don't care how old he is, his mother left him and he didn't have time to say goodbye. Encourage counseling, insist on it.
2007-09-18 12:15:17 · answer #3 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nobody likes change...especially in their childhood homes. Tell him that the bank belongs in your home and that the house really needed to be redecorated. If you make it a positive thing he should go along with it.
2007-09-18 11:53:26 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can take into consideration that he wants some respect along with his reasons for not wanting his belongings touched...
Can he have that?
2007-09-18 11:51:49 · answer #5 · answered by Unbreakable Me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he is 31, so his house is not his parents house but he house you and him live in.
Also, if she is going to marry his dad, it would be her house too so she can mess with the house.
He needs to grow up.
Good Luck.
2007-09-18 11:51:34 · answer #6 · answered by Dimitar A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he may feel it is his fault. has he talked to dad? u r all adults!!!!
2007-09-18 11:57:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋