I was roommates and close friends with this girl all 4 years of college. We're from the same hometown and survived nursing school together..well, she got married last year and didn't invite me to be one of her bridesmaids... I was really shocked (and other people were too). Actually, I was hurt by it..I really thought that I was going to be asked. Now my wedding is coming up and I had always thought of asking her to be in my wedding party, but now that I wasn't in hers, should I still have her in mine?
2007-09-18 04:34:50 · 34 answers · asked by ne_gal81 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
just to clarify, it wasn't a small wedding party and it wasn't family only
2007-09-18 04:58:25 · update #1
A person being your bridesmaid isn't about how much time necessarily that you've spent with them, but more how valuable the time was that you spent with them. She chose a few truly close people and you were a little further out in the circle. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't choose her; she means a lot to you as a friend and if she's truly close close, then I say go for it! Just because you aren't as close to her doesn't mean that she shouldn't be as close to you =]
2007-09-18 04:48:59 · answer #1 · answered by larkaloo 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry you were hurt by your friend's actions.
Did you ever talk to her about it? Perhaps there was some reason she didn't ask you or maybe she felt you wouldn't be interested? A year is a long time to hold this against a friend. She would be the only one who could give you those answers.
Even if her not inviting you was a slight, please don't use this opportunity as a way to seek revenge. The wedding party is supposed to be made up of people who will support you through the planning process, the wedding, and into your marriage afterwards. That alone should be your criteria for selecting people, not if someone asked you to be in their wedding or not. If you feel she fits the bill, then by all means ask her.
Good luck!
2007-09-18 05:13:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was pretty shocked that I wasn't in my best friend's wedding party. Especially since she wanted me to plan her bachelorette party and a bridal shower....
However, when/if my boyfriend and I get married, I'll be asking her to be in my wedding party. But, to be perfectly honest, the only reason I will is because she introduced us. If she had nothing to do with our getting together, I don't think I'd ask her just for the simple fact that I was expected to do so much at her wedding when I wasn't even part of her party.
It's ultimately up to you. The bridesmaids are supposed to be the women we feel the closest to and cherish the most.
2007-09-18 05:23:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may have her reasons for not having you as hers. Anyways, if you want her in your wedding, go for it. I've been friends with a girl since high school, and a few yrs ago, she didn't invite me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Anyways, I asked her to be in mine. I want her beside me, and she agreed, so I'm happy! You can't hold a grudge against your friend for not having you in the wedding. So it's really down to what do you want? If you want her with you, then have her! But dont' make it out to no she can't be in your wedding simply because you weren't in hers. That's a little childish I think. You can always ask her why you weren't in hers. Be upfront, don't be afraid of the answer, and be cool. Guys have an easier time being more upfront than girls do. I think that's why there is so much more drama with girls.
2007-09-18 05:15:55 · answer #4 · answered by m930 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you want her to be a bridesmaid, then she should be. You shouldnt NOT ask her just to "get back" at her.
One of my bridesmaids is a little "different"... I dont agree with a lot of the things she does and sometimes shes not the best person overall... but when it comes down to it, I know if I really needed something she would step up and do everything she could. She's been with me through lots of ups and downs... so despite the other "things", I still wanted her to be my bridesmaid because she does mean a lot to me... there arent too many people in the world that you can say would drop what they are doing to help you, so those that will should be honored.
2007-09-18 05:30:06 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know, I understand your hurt feelings when she didn't ask you to be in her wedding, but if your friendship survived then you need to put your hurt behind you. If you want her in your wedding, ask her. If you are still angry then don't. It's really not supposed to be a popularity contest where people get to determine their importance to the bride based on their position (or not) within the bridal party. A lot of reasons go into who is asked and who is not and frequently they have nothing to do with who is the better friend. Brides are in a position of having to juggle a lot of different peoples' feelings all at once as I am sure your are realizing as you plan your wedding.
2007-09-18 05:35:23 · answer #6 · answered by naniannie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you know the circumstances of why she did ask you to be? You could talk to her about it since it does bother you and she's a close friend. I would think she would care about how you feel. I think if you want her to be a bridesmaid then you should ask her. I don't think it's good to be hung up on things like this because it is a lose situation for everyone. In the end, will it really matter? How important will it be 10 years from now?
2007-09-18 04:45:23 · answer #7 · answered by Unsub29 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did she have a very small wedding party? Maybe only 1 or two people on each side? Is there any logical reason she didn't have you stand up - for example, was the wedding party family only? If there is a good reason she didn't have you stand up, then I would still ask her to stand in your wedding. If, on the other hand, she had friends and whatnot standing up and didn't ask you, then I would not ask her.
2007-09-18 04:43:50 · answer #8 · answered by Go Bears! 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She might have wanted a smaller wedding party, and decided that she couldn't have too many bridesmaids...
I don't think that you shouldn't ask her to be yours just because you weren't hers. That's petty. If you really feel like you would like for this friend to be one of your bridesmaids, then ask her. I'm sure she will be thrilled and do her best. You don't have to ask her to be maid of honor or anything... but if you had always envisioned her being your bridesmaid and cannot think of anyone else you'd rather put in her place, then the right thing to do is to ask her.
Congrats and best of luck in your planning!
2007-09-18 04:44:51 · answer #9 · answered by mums_the_word 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should choose your bridesmaids based on who you are closest to. It shouldn't matter whether you were in her wedding or not.
You should also stop worrying about not being chosen as a bridesmaid in her wedding. There may have been some circumstances that you don't know about. Maybe family members were pressuring her to choose certain people. Whatever her reasons were, you should accept it and if you want her to stand up with you, ask her to be your bridesmaid.
2007-09-18 04:44:10 · answer #10 · answered by Stacia T 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋