Am I overreacting?

Question

Ok, we've been together for 3 months and it was rough at the beginning, e.g. she dumped me after a week and 'cause she wasnt ready and then she decided that she wanted to be with me. It's been going good, she tells me she loves me, but she has done some things that I dont like. Recently, she went dancing with her friends, and she said that if a guy asks her to dance she'll sy shes married. I picked them up from the club, and the first thing that happens is a guy comes up and says didnt I dance with you in the club, her friend quickly came to the rescue by denying it. Then the other day we went to eat and she ran in to a guy, and she didnt introduce me, the second time the guy came by us and she said this Doug. not this is my bf. Now, her body language said, "this is some guy, im still single". I found out from my friend that she was in love with this guy, and she tried to play this off. should I be angry? I think of this as lying. she said she didnt dance with a guy but she did.

and she said she didnt like the other guy when she did, and obviously she tried to show herself as still single to this other guy, which got me angry. Also, guys on myspace have been flirting with her, but I ignored it, because I trusted her and I thought she wouldnt care. But she has one of these guys on her top 8 and she comments all these guys back, and one of my friends told me to be careful, because she's flirting back.

Answer 1

Let me take an excedrin, maybe two or three of them and I'll get back to you.

Answer 2

Well, is it worth it?
Do you like her very very very much? Because, if you are not already that much into her, it may be time to leave it.
Usually in a relationship it takes time for both partner to be at the same stage, feelings wise. One tends to love more, untill the other catches up, or let themselves open up, because of the pain they experienced in the past.
So, you seem to be the one who knows what he wants when your girl doesn't just yet.
Could it be that she is using you to make this other guy jealous.
If you are really into her, then do have a chat to her to ask her exactly where you stand and tell her what you disapprove of in a relationship.
If you're not that much into her, you should call it a day, as she's doesn't seem to know what she wants and could be using you.
It seems to me that things should be a bit clearer after being with someone for 3 months; Not that you'd be ready to move in or get married, but at least it should be clearer to you that you are an item, and TO HER too.

Answer 3

You are not over reacting. I know a lot of guys, some I give hugs to,BUT I always mention my BF and make sure the other know I am the GF if he does not say I am. When we are intro. I say I am the GF he did not tell you about.(jokingly) That makes everything clear. He has done the same if I do not say. But it is said jokingly so there is no upset. The other person the gets the point. ou arebeing used used other wise

Answer 4

OK first things first, we can't stop cheaters from cheating, but we can let them have their "time". My boyfriend and I are open to going out with our friends and especially me going clubbing, yeah I wear a ring but that doesn't mean that I can't have any fun. I dance with guys all the time and he can dance with females, strippers I don't care as long as he is coming home to me. If someone is going to cheat they will do it, it is inevitable. So you need establish trust, once you have that you wont have these issues but i see your point. Without trust there is no relationship, healthy that is.
Second I can't explain why she didn't say b/f but my guess is she was startled and was overcome with feelings and got scared. But don't make excuses for her. Talk to her and ask her.

Answer 5

The best thing to do is not act jealous, as hard as that might be.

My girlfriend, now my wife, liked to tease guys and pretend she was single. She liked the attention and the thrill of turning them down when they got interested. She turned down some good looking guys and they were crushed and didn't understand.

I just let her do it rather than getting jealous and ranting. I told her I trust her. I supported her in having fun with friends. I simply told her that if you don't want me, then fine, I'll find another, but I trust you to be honest with me.

With that calm approach she never lost interest in me. I didn't come across as desperate or jealous. She new that if she cheated I would simply, calmly, move on. Simple as that.

Answer 6

No you arenot overreacting you have every right to feel like you are feeling but its important to remember what that 'in love' feeling feels like. Presuming you have been in love, if your former ex came up to you, would you turn herdown flat?
I love my partner with all my heart and I know if he finished it with me tomorrow I would be devestated. I know that in 3-4 months time if I met somebody else and things were going OK, I would feel better. Not because I loved that person, but because he would be my rebound man. And if my partner now came back to me, the new guy wouldn't see me for dust. Peope who break your heart never leave your heart. its impotant to remember that. It may be that your girlfriend is a player and isn't to be trusted. Or it may be that she is only human. If her heart has been broken, I'm with her on this one. But without knowing her I cannot judge her.
I think the best thing to do would be to end this relationship. She is clerarly not over this man and as much as it hurts to say it, youwill never be him. everything you do will be compared with him. It sucks, and love sucks, but thats just life.
Talk to her. Talk to him if necessary. Talk to people, find out the 411 (gossip on her and this guy) and the answer will just come to you, not from a bunch of internet strangers. We are not here to tell you what decision to make, we are here to advise you as what we would do, and pass out knowledge on, and that is mine.
Good luck.

Answer 7

Douglass M. You both sound very young and this is exactly what happens when you are young. Of course she wants to chat up other guys - it's natural. I think you need to go out and do a bit more flirting yourself. Don't tie eachother down. Stay friends and both of you do as much flirting with the opposite sex as possible.

Answer 8

First off let me say, flirting can be flirting...but then again it can go further than that. She's already made it seem to others that she's single, but at the same time she wants you for her lonely times. Leave her, and when she asks why tell her, if she sincerely apologizes work on it, if not...let her be a hoe dude. Karma....remember that.

Answer 9

If she really was with you she wouldn't be this way. I would probably ask her are you serious with me? If she says yes then ask her why she does these things. She may not be ready for commitment. If I were you I would think on this IS SHE WORTH IT? DO YOU LOVE HER? CAN YOU WORK IT OUT? If you answered no to these dump her move on. I am sure you can find a nice girl to suit your needs.

Answer 10

I don't know how old ya'll are, but it sounds like maybe she's not ready to be in a committed relationship. Have you tried to talk to her about this? If you are getting these kinds of signals all the time and she cannot explain her actions, I would move on. Sounds like an exhausting relationship!!!
Good luck to you.

Answer 11

Clearly trying to keep you in her back pocket for a rainy day. She is not ready to be in the kind of reltaionship that you want. She also lied about dancing...which isn't that serious.
Keep it moving, she's into mind games and NO ONE deserves being played around with.