How do I respond to my mom's comments about my weight?

Question

A little bit about myself...I'm 5'5 and weigh 184 lbs. Now I think my average weight for my heighth is like 135-140 pounds or something like that. So yeah I'm over weight, but I tend to hide it very well. I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm not obese or anywhere close to it. I'm not depressed or ashamed of my body. Yes of course I would love to lose weight and be a little more comfortable especially when meeting guys like I used to be but it's not like i dwell on that 24/7.

My mother was not the skinniest kid either when she was my age. But I almost feel like she's disgusted with how much weight I have gained. She's always telling me that she's concerned with my weight (i went to the doctor and i'm as healthy as can be). That I need to go to the gym, that things (like guys) will starting happening for me, drink more water...yeah these are just regular concerns for a mother, but she's been doing this pretty much my entire life and i can't take it anymore! What do I do?!

Answer 1

Your mom means well. If she didn't care she wont be saying anything to you.
Just loose that extra 40 pounds! You will be healthier and your mom won't have anything to complain about.

Answer 2

First of all make your weight off limits. Tell her that you appreciate her advice but your doctor has things under control. And then do not talk to her about this. If you live with her, then simply say thank you for the advice and ignore her. If you don't live at home then simply get off the phone or change the subject. If she wants to know why, tell her the truth that you will not discuss your weight with her.

Let me tell you something from someone who has dealt with weight issues all her 54 years, and this is what I tell my daughters who are 24. Learn to seperate your weight from your self esteem. Losing weight will not make you a more interesting person to anyone who matters. While we all agree that certain people are attracted to certain things, and some of them are physical, anyone you would want to be friends with (with the potential of a relationship), has got to bring more to the table than that. Any man who rules you out because of your appearence isn't worth your time.

However, in the course of your life that extra 20-40 will become an extra 50-60 or more. The older you get, the harder it is to change eating habits. Don't worry about losing weight now, but do look at your eating habits and clean them up. No fast food ever, for example. You don't need a gym when you take a walk every evening, and that gives you a great time to think or assess your day. You could even do this with your mom. And she's right about the water, drink as much as you can each day. Water does alot of things for our bodies, it keeps us regular, keeps skin glowing, hair healthy, keeps down the chances of kidney stones, and lubercates our joints. Not to mention the comic relief. My daughters husband left her for another woman after 4 months and one of the things I said to her to lighten a depressed move (well after the initial painful emotions) "Well honey, if you drink more water, you're bound to feel better."

Answer 3

Well, to be kindly blunt: Yes, dear, you are obese. Sorry, but it's the truth. Obese is defined as having a BMI of 30 or greater. You have a BMI of 30.6, so you are just on the edge. 25-29 is considered "overweight"

You mom is reading and hearing stories about the rise of childhood obesity causing increased health problems, especially higher rates of diabetes, orthopedic problems (weight causing unusual joint stress), etc. So she is worried for you, and if she has a weight problem, too, she's probably feeling a little guilty because she feels like she hasn't set a good example for you. And, truthfully, it's sometimes a lot easier to "fix" someone else than it is to "fix" ourselves. :-)

While it's good that you don't feel ashamed of your body now, I have to tell you that you are right on the edge of getting that way. I have the same trouble with weight. I am your height, but it is extremely difficult for me to balance my weight. Whenever I get much above 175-180, I have to really dial it back and get aggressive about watching what I eat and increasing my exercise, because while I look ok at 180, I really do LOOK overweight at 190.

However, she's going about it all wrong, because a person has to WANT to lose weight in order for it to work. When you want to lose weight, you will. Right now, because your mom is nagging you, you are digging in your heels and saying, "No way!", because your body is the one thing that YOU can control. Understandable, but it's pretty counter-productive. You sound like a smart young woman, so I'm sure you can figure this out. Your mom needs to stop nagging -- and you need to drop a few pounds, for your own health.

Answer 4

Sweetie, sounds like your mom is worried about you, not disgusted. I think deep inside your'e really more unhappy about your weight than you let on. My husband said he was always a heavy child and today he has sooo many health problems. Diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol. He lost both his parents to diabetes because for one it's hereditary, two, only the heavier people in his family have gotten it. He's on all kinds of meds now....And being your mom wasn't the skinniest at your age, she knows what it's like. And if the doc said you are as healthy as you can be, he's lying! You do need to be to lose about 20lbs. to be healthy. I'm sure you wanna keep those curves, so I'd say just 20. And with the curves you'll keep, the guys will be lookin'!

Answer 5

It sounds like you have a nice mom and the two of you want to have a positive, loving relationship.

Perhaps you could ask her to help you out by joining you on a workout and healthy lifestyle program. Let her know you would like her to join you on a walking program. This way you could both encourage each other, become healthier and strengthen the bond you already have.

Even if she is in great shape now she can always benefit from a walking program. You can remind her that women her age need to strengthen their bones to prevent osteoporosis when they get older and walking is a great way to do that.

Answer 6

You may just have to sit down with your mom and tell her how you feel about your weight and how you feel when she says things to you about your weight. She may not even realize just how much she is hurting your feelings or whatever.

I'm sure your mom just doesn't want you to be like her if you don't have to be. Maybe her mom never really said anything to her about her weight when she was younger and maybe she wanted some encouragement to lose some weight. Maybe people made fun or her and teased her and she doesn't want that to happen to you. Maybe she didn't have a boyfriend and figured it must have been because she was chunky and she doesn't want that to happen to you.

However, she needs to realize that you are comfortable with your weight and don't need her nagging you about something you plan to do nothing about. Not everyone can be thin, you know. You're just going to have to tell her.

Answer 7

Tell her. My Mom did the same thing to me while I was growing up. Constantly criticizing me about my weight. I still am insecure about it. So the best thing is to tell her that she upsets you - try to talk it out. Let her know that you are comfortable with the way you look.

Answer 8

Tell her that you know she's concerned about you, but it bothers you she's telling you what to do. You are well aware of your weight, and it's your body, not hers. You are healthy and would love to lose the weight. But you don't dwell on it. And that she shouldn't either. You won't discuss it with her next time she mentions it.

Answer 9

think other way.
every pa and mom thinks their children to b the best...
wish to b the best.
u also accept ur body needs to hide to look proper..while she needs to remind u to get to real good looks..she loves u..and cares..so she speaks ...consider her feelings and talk to her abt ur efforts..her care will help u different way probably and sure mom and child will uderstand each other more..
try to b patient with her..
thank her instead,,ad u will feel different and she will change her tone too.

Answer 10

Dont matter just lost 100 Ibs.
OR tell to your mother "I will be a Sumo girl,
OK"