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My eldest son is almost 11 years old. He is very careless. I know that kids r like that at this age, but he is extreme, he forgets his gloves, lunch box, jacket, homework books, hats almost every day. he lost so many things, If somehow he manages to bring them from school he left them in the car. If his teacher gives something to sign he forgets to tell me. now he has started lying to me too, like he said "i'll keep my juice bottle in school from now" I know that he just forgot to bring it back. its not about little things it's about responsibility. Is there any way I can change his habits

2007-09-18 04:04:53 · 4 answers · asked by hina 1 in Family & Relationships Family

4 answers

Good luck! I have a 13 year old and he still forgets things! Is there something else that he always remembers? I finally had to ground my son from his ATV until he could be more responsbile. He improved when he couldn't do what he wanted. When he forgets something, you forget something for him (maybe forgetting wash his socks underwear, etc). Everyone forgets things from time to time so work on it one step at a time. It will take more on your part but when he forgets something in the car, make him go right then to get it - even if it is at 10:00 at night. If he forgets it at school and you know before the school closes, drive him back to the school and make him go inside to get it. After a while he will get tired of you always "nagging" him and he will start remembering things. Slowly but surely it will improve. You just have to stop picking up the pieces for him and force him to do it.

2007-09-18 04:19:41 · answer #1 · answered by Love being a Mom 2 · 1 1

I imagine he's lying to you because telling you the truth is painful. He's not extreme, he's 11. Like you did when you were so careful to encourage his progress when he was a baby, you need to redirect his distractions. Take a look at his day and realistically see where his attention is directed. Is he too busy? Have you got him involved in too many things? Is this school level harder than its been before? Is he worried about that? Do you keep a diciplined household where meals, homework, and bedtime are consistant?

If all these things are in line, then you need to help him not be critical of him. You can do that by making sure his routine is spelled out for him,and maybe make him a checklist to check things off every morning. Also he needs to have consequences. If he forgets his lunch, then he goes without or he eats what the school has. If he forgets his gloves, then his hands get cold. If he forgets his homework, then he takes a bad mark or deals with the teacher himself. If you are rescuing him, then you need to tell him you are going to stop.

I am the mother of twins, believe me, I know you are frustrated. His forgetfulness just adds stress and irritation to your already busy day. However, your son is lying to you because the alternative is so negative. You do not want him to continue doing that, you will need him to be very truthful with you over the next ten years. Make sure he understands his behavior is what you are upset with, not him. He's young and trainable, you can with some calm common sense, get him to see that he isn't remembering things for your benefit, its for him.

2007-09-18 11:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 1 0

There is light at the end of the tunnel. My oldest was clumsy and forgetfull when he was that age and now at 18 he is very responsible, helpful and honest.

What worked for him was routine and natural consequences. We worked on developing a routine for almost every aspect of his day - where he would put his shoes, gloves and other items every time he walked in the house. We had a routine for homework so that even if he forgot he had something we needed to sign it would come out during our homework routine.

At 11 I wanted my son to begin developing more responsibility and self sufficiency but he was still my darling baby and I wanted to help him out. The hardest thing for me to do was to allow him to suffer the natural consequences of forgetfullness. My husband helped him the most by encouraging him to solve his own problems - when he forgot his snowboard boots, my husband would ask my son what he was going to do about it. I wanted to run home and grab his boots but having him solve this problem on his own really worked. (I must admit the first time this happened it was really difficult for me because it took away from some family time playing in the snow because my son decided he would wait inside while we played outside - but he never forgot his boots again).

It isn't easy but you can do it. Let him know the natural consequence for telling you the truth is a huge hug and your help solving his problems. Not doing the work for him but helping him figure out how to solve his own problems.

Hang in there. He'll get through this with your love and support.

2007-09-18 11:42:27 · answer #3 · answered by Stayathomemom.com 3 · 1 0

time out and grounding would help his memory immensely

2007-09-21 21:06:12 · answer #4 · answered by Tsunami 7 · 0 0

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