Taking my 17yo daughter to get a tattoo today?

Question

My daughter turned 17 yesterday and for the last few years she has wanted a tattoo. I told her "when she was 17" I would take her if she still wanted one. Her father died 4 years ago and she has always wanted something with "daddy" on the back of her shoulder. I wish she didn't want to do it, but since I said yes (and it's been 3 years). The problem now is what she wants looks ugly to me. It's a heart with the banner going through it and says "RIP DADDY" and then the years of his birth and death. She originally wanted small angel wings with the words "daddy". I am picking her up from school at 2:00 and was hoping someone could give me some ideas to offer her. Any tattoo artists or someone with a similar tattoo here to share some ideas? Thanks. Also, we live between Rochester and Buffalo if you know of a good tattoo place?

To Kris L.... I'm not arguing her idea for a tattoo. I told her I thought it was nice, but I wanted to at least give her some other ideas. She changed her mind from the angel wings to the heart in the last few months so I just want to be sure she knows there are other options.

To Kris L again. I didn't even finish reading your response before I added my first "edit". I am a cool mom, too cool actually. I took her to get her tongue pierced for her 16th bday (I regret doing, but hey, she wanted it). I have ALOT of piercings (hidden) and 3 tattoos.... she wants to be "like me" I think, lol. I let her make her own choices even if I don't like her decision. If you are a psychologist, you sure don't sound like one - sounds like you are bashing me without even knowing the facts!!!!

Answer 1

Look, it sucks that he father died, but you shouldn't have promised her that you would get her a tattoo before she turned 18. Frankly, her father is still going to be dead, and is still going to mean the same thing to her when she turns 18.
Also, most reputable tattoo parlors will not touch anyone under 18.

Answer 2

What did you do while this problem was developing over the past few years? Something tells me you laid down and took it, and screamed back at her. You and your husband need to dig deep as parents and decide this is over, and you will do whatever it takes to change this. This will be more easily accomplished if someone can be home to supervise all the time. Switch shifts, quit one job, whatever. She needs to be isolated from the bad influence, though I think you'll find she's the real problem. Find out who that 26 yo is (check her phone) and file charges against him, or tell him you will, if she's too old. He's probably ignorant of the law. Take away everything optional. Almost everything is, so I'll say the necessities are a few changes of clothes, a mattress, food 3 x a day and that's it. No phone, no computer, no video games, etc. Let her earn back everything else. Make a chart of expected behavior. Decide when she can get back her toys. If she isn't in school, she must work. Don't let this be a way she sneaks around. Call to be sure she's there. Be vigilant. My daughter went off the rails at 13. My next action was to attend school with her (after a LONG summer of getting harder and harder on her). She finally decided I could win. One thing I learned was that she was the ringleader. She smoked, she drank, she skipped school, she made porno prank calls and left our home number, she shoplifted and I asked them to arrest her for it. I also refused to pay her fine for it. Don't just mark time until she's 18, come down hard on her and help her turn it around. You can do it. One last thing. She may be screaming due to a mood disorder. It would be smart to have her screened by a psychiatrist. These things often start in the late teen years.

Answer 3

I think you have to let her have a tattoo as you promised her she could have one - but try and persuade her to have a henna tattoo to start with. They look like the real thing, last a few months and then wear out and disappear. She could then try out all the different versions of the tattoo she wants and various positions for it and then go for the one she likes best in permanent form. Hopefully she'll prefer the henna type and not have the real thing done at all. There's no going back if she doesn't like it. I don't know if the tattoo parlour you are going to does them - or where you get them from - but they may be able to advise you about it. (My grand-daughter's got one.) Phone them. Failing that, ask her to go for the smallest one - maybe just Daddy to start with - and build up gradually. She could always add the rest later on. RIP and birth/death dates seems a bit morbid to me on a 17 year old's back - she's not a tombstone - but to lose her dad at 14 is a terrible blow to her so she obviously wants to do 'something' in his memory and she's latched onto this as a way of paying homage to him. (Would he want this?) By the time she's 20, she will possibly feel totally differently and wish she hadn't had a big tattoo incised on her shoulder. At least with the temporary variety she can position them in different places and see where they look best on her. My husband had tattoos done in his teens and regretted them by his 30s. They looked beautiful when new, but faded over the years and the lovely reds and greens turned a bluey grey colour. The heart with Mum and Dad and a dagger through it soon started to look like a Mexican hiding in a bush!! Now even the Mexican has degenerated into a dirty blob. Another thing to remind her of is that fashions change in tattoos and elaborate banners might be 'old hat' in a few years time. Good luck. You've probably been having a tough time yourself these last few years - but at the end of the day it's her skin and you can only give her advice.

Answer 4

Man let me first say im sorry about the death of your husband its becoming a sad trend that men can not even live long enough to see their daughters grow into women. Also congratz oh your daughters 17th birth day. As for here tatto. I know that you may find it ugly and you may only be taking her to get this because your someone that sticks to your words. Yet you must let her pick what she wants. As this is something in loving in memory of her father. You dont want to force her to pick something that she wont like. Because not only would she dislike her tattoo but it will be negatively associated with her dad. I know its hard but let her choose just let her know that it is something that is going to be on her body for the rest of her life. If you want tell her you want to make sure you pick a good spot for the tattoo and take her tomorrow so that she has one more day to think about it you will be surprised how quick we kids change our minds. Later lady-Z.williams

Answer 5

it sounds like shes not ready to get the tattoo. she keeps changing her mind about what she wants and you haven't even met with an artist. i always wait 6 months to a year before i get anything done after i pick out what i want and talk it out with my artist first to make sure it will look just the way i see it in my head. tattoos are not some you rush into, you don't want her getting something this sentimental in a way that she may later regret. she is stil young and going through clique phases. she'll hate you, but maybe she should wait till shes 18.

Answer 6

If she is changing her mind a lot then she is not sure on what she wants and will probably end up regretting it. My advice is go the shop you are planning on getting the tattoo done at... talk to an artist there and see if they can take her ideas and work it into something nice... or she can wait til she is sure herself..

Answer 7

If you are thinking of walking into a tattoo parlour and just getting it done, please re-think. The best places are the ones with NO flash (pictures of tattoo's you can get) on the walls and you have to make an appointment to see the artist and work on the design before it's actually done. Please make sure your daughter realizes that it is something PERMANENT and it shouldn't be taken lightly. My mom gave me the best advice when I was young and wanted a tattoo and still needed her permission. I really wanted the Nike swoosh symbol (I was 16...ack!) and she said to me "Allison, if you can stick with ONE design for a year I will not only take you to have it done, but I will pay for it as well" Well wow, do you think that even a month later I still wanted the Swoosh?? No. Again, please make sure your daughter has thought this out.

Answer 8

If you do not want your daughter to get a tattoo, then you don't have to take her. She's only seventeen.

But as for opinions, I would suggest maybe a design of something her and her father liked? Or a special thing/event that the two of them did together? Were you okay with the wings and "Daddy" written in them? Maybe you should ask her to wait a bit longer and think a little more about what she would like. Tell her that you don't think just having a heart with his birth/death dates does her father any justice of being a great memorial tattoo, and you'd like her to come up with something a little more special. She should comply with that since she obviously loved her father very much.

Here are some images I found of memorial tattoos, I'm not suggesting you get these exact tattoos, but just to get the ball rolling of what else you could do for your daughter's dad:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/42928390@N00/867004507/
http://www.angelsforlauren.com/index/tattoo.jpg
http://www.flickr.com/photos/jerbaer/133840719/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/painfullybeautiful/300378802/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/peej0e/163417682/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/givingearth/152255514/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mrlucky/339601320/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/shayna_jesse/996913890/in/photostream/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/willpate/341782635/

Answer 9

rmmjr420 is an idiot, i have gotten 2 MRIs with my tattoo.

i was 17 when i got my tattoo and i dont regret it. the people on here are so uptight, she is your daughter i think you would know what is best!

getting a tattoo is dangerous... if we were in the frickin 1900s!! these days tattoo parlors are clean and sterile and there is hardly any risk for disease.

i think the idea for a tattoo honoring her dad is the perfect idea for a tattoo... after all, everyone always says it needs to have meaning and thats pretty meaningful.

if you dont like the design, just tell her. they have books you can look at and they can also draw you something up if you describe it to them.

Answer 10

17yo daughter tattoo today