Do you want to take someone, and build with them or would you want someone to already have themselves together

Question

I am dating this guy who seems like a good guy. He is 33 and has spent the last 15 years in a relationship. He said his 1st relationship of 10 years was with his middle school sweet heart which you know puppy love never last. His 2nd relationship was 5 years which he now has a 4-year-old daughter. He admits he was not always a saint, but he do like long term relationships, and is currently looking for one, and feels he now know what to do right. The thing is he really does not have anything. Both relationships were between his teenage and post high school years which meant he was dating these women, but still living at home. He asked me what I was looking for in a man, and I told him. I then added the man has to be financially stable. I made it clear that he did not need to be stable to take care of me, but stable to take care of himself.

He said, it does not matter about the finical stability part because if you love someone you can build things together. He said he knows how to take care of his responsibilities & is aware of a woman's needs whether it is finically or emotionally. He does not have bad credit, he actually have no credit. I asked him did he own or rent, he said him, his mother, and his sister were thinking about buying, which means he would have the same living arrangement he has now. He is a deep country boy & I guess this is normal. I was born & raised in Miami so this is not normal so this brings be back to my question (Do you want to take someone, and build with them or would you want someone to already have themselves together?

Answer 1

When you're young and in love, this is not really your decision to make. Young people grow and mature that's part of life but you are talking about a 33 year old man!
He's a loser. If you're OK with dating a loser who's twice divorced with kids and lives at home with his mommy then that's your thing. He's too old to change so,whatever you do don't even think that'sgoing to happen.

Answer 2

Building together is ok if you are in a serious relationship that is probably leading to marriage, but other than that a man of that age should be somewhat established and know what he wants in life. A man who is 33 has no business living with his mom- He should at least have an apartment or something! Does he have a car? How much does he bring in a month? You need to know these things so you do not get stuck "building" and he is just watching and not contributing. Thats one of the biggest reasons I got divorced- My ex had nothing and was not working to have something- he was content to scrape up enough money to pay the rent at the last minute and always had to "hustle" to make ends meet. I wanted more than that for myself. He too wanted "us" to do everything together, and everytime "we" turned into "me" when it came down to the $$. Just be careful and make sure he intends to go equally on any and all things you purchase together.

Answer 3

I'm in a similar situation, ironically right now. I think if you take this man and look at the whole picture, you will find your answer. You know he's not afraid of commitment. He has to be respectful to women to be able to live with his mother and sister this long. And apparently he sees something in you that makes him think about building a future with you. Sometimes guys (and women too) invest too much time with the wrong relationships and aren't actually able to branch out and grow. If you really care for this guy and he has all of the qualities that you want in a man, then take the chance and build with him. He will love you for it because you're taking him places no other woman has before. Now for your own sake, don't be a fool. Make sure you have yourself taken care off, in case things don't work out. Keep a bank account on your own and never go into anything jointly unless you're married. Trust me, I'm speaking from experience and I was burned. But overall, from your post, he seems like a good down to earth southern boy, that with the right direction from you, may be able to give you the world. Search your heart. Pray on it. Step out on faith. You never know where your blessing may come from. Good luck!!

Answer 4

Its always good to build together and go thru some hardships together to promote a stronger bond and get a better understanding of someone. But at 33 years old and having the "dating" experience he's got, he should be financially stable and living on his own. Family's important, but at some point(and 33 is for damn sure PAST that point), he should be able to get away from them and try to build a foundation with someone with which to build his own family. So to answer tha question, in his situation, he should already have himself together. But if he's willing to make the sacrifice and build with you, and ya'lls love is that strong, make it happen. I'm only 22 and me and my girl are building together right now, and I admit that it's a struggle sometimes, but at the end of the day, its all worth it because I feel THAT much closer to her and love her THAT much more. MAKE IT WORK!!!

Answer 5

I think that it's a challenge to have to both start together and build. But if your love is real, then these challenges will only make your love stronger and your relationship better.

But it's harder more so if you're already established and he's not, because now you need to wait for him to catch up. It would create a lot of problems in the relationshp because you don't want to be in it to mother him. If you're going to have to constantly be on top of him because he doesn't know how to handle money, I think you'll get annoyed at some point.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

Thats a good question. And there is no Right answer. I have to be honest with you I wanna here the whole story because it souns similar to mine so......I am currently dating someone that I am building with. I am the bread winner and he is seeking ...you know how that can go. Finances aren't an issue to me but I feel that MOST of the time he takes advantage of that . Ask yourself If he has ambitions and is Serious about getting on the grind. And If he dosent have the CREDENTIALS.

TO THE LEFT - TO THE LEFT

Answer 7

Do what's right for you...not for us. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you're very calculating and not even thinking about the other person in your relationship. I don't think you'll be happy with this guy or any "normal" guy. You need to find a rich guy who's totally into his business and won't have too much time to be around you. This way you can have your material world and a little nookie every now and then. Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do.

Answer 8

it depends on the situation;. the person that doesnt have anything needs to show great potential for where their life is headed or down the road the partner with the most will be resentful they did everything by theirself and nothing was contributed on the others part. also this will make the partner who doesnt have anything feel indebted to the partner who does. so it can work at first but eventually you both need to give as good as you get or the relationship is doomed

Answer 9

Has there stuff together of course. At 33 years old living with mama and sister. Hell No. Love or No Love wont work. Ur right he must be able to take care of himself and u if need be.

Answer 10

Girl you need to squash that. If im going to be dating a man he has to be on point. I dont have time to be taking care of no man, if he aint got nothing. You need to tell him to get on his feet. He has a whole child to take care of, he's not financially able to do it, and he's trying to get in a relationship with you. I couldnt deal with that type of situation, but if you have the time to build with him you go ahead. But as for me, oh no, i would let him get his self together first.