Why are some mums like that???

Question

I read alot of the questions on here where people say their mums treat them like sh1t, put them down etc and I just wondered why the hell these type of women have kids at all!!

My mum can be a nasty piece of work at times and can be really hurtful and non supportive, but I can remember her being like this when I was alot younger and as result I am now like a mother to my 4 younger brothers as she was the same with them!

I am a mum and my daughter is the most importnant thing ever to me - I want her to do well in life and will do anything to make sure she reaches her goals......plus I still have 4 surrogate sons!!

Why are some mums like this???

It kills me to read some of the answers as I see the likeness to my relationship with my mum - I try to make sense of why a mum could be like this with her own child evil, hurtful and judgemental of everthing - but sadlly I can't......

Answer 1

I believe the phrase "they will get over it " is used fa to often where children are concerned , Adults seem to forget that children think and feel are basically just small people that deserve love and respect. It sounds to me like your mum is very self concerned and people like her cannot see past their own lives and feel victimised by others when in reality they are the ones hurting people. A few decades ago alot of people had kids because that was what you were supposed to do , grow up get married and have kids regardless weather they really want kids.
Sometimes its jealousy if she used the phrase " well I never had or did that when I was a kid, so why should you" that's the most likely cause.
I think you need to take comfort in the fact that you have broken the cycle and are a good mum.
People need to remember that respect is something that should be given to everyone (especially kids for they are our future) automatically and yes respect can be lost but we shouldn't have to earn it straight off.

Answer 2

hey there, i know exactly what you mean. my mum was and still is just like that. i am the eldest of 4, and all of us girls. i have 1 daughter, and my sister has 1 as well with another on the way. the younger two are still teens living at home still. i have been criticised since i was around 9 years of age, and i can honestly say, it has affected me, i have had to put up a wall when any one has even tried to criticise m, my work, or my mothering skills. i think my mum became like this because she was unhappy with her self, and the choices she made. Which is no fault of mine or my sisters. She was 16 when she had me, and i think she regrets the fact that her childhood was taken away from her. then my dad was abusive towards her.
I'm not making excuses for her at all. i hate the way she mothered me and my sisters. it was tough being told i was a mistake, that i was a no hoper, an idiot, and that no man will ever accept me for who i am.
at least i can stand with my head held high, and say ,yes i am a good mum, yes i found some one who wants to be with me, and thank you mum, for showing me, what i don't want to be in life. SOME ONE WHO BRINGS PEOPLE DOWN BECAUSE THEY AREN'T HAPPY WITH THEM SELVES!!!

Answer 3

I know what you mean, my mum is forever putting me down when it comes to my 6 year old son. When he was a baby, everything I did was wrong in her eyes...from the way I fed him to the way he behaved..you name it she picked and picked! It's like she forgot that really she was not very good at being a mum and always tried to compensate with money. I tell my son every day how much I love him and how much he means to me-which my mum never did. I just think that my mum knows deep own that she was not a great mum so to make herself feel better she digs at me.
I ask her for nothing and I would say he stays with her maybe twice n a year.
Some mums just never have it in them to show love and be proud of their kids so will put them down instead.
I don't know why some mums are like this...they were not really cut out to be mothers!

Answer 4

Some people just don't make good parents.
People have no idea what it is like until your child is in your arms, than the fun really starts.
Just because someone has a baby it doesnot mean they will be a good parent, the stresses and strains of life can jade people, and if motherhood doesn't turn out like they had hoped it can make some folk treat their kids badly.
Perhaps your mum was one of those who realised too late just how demanding it can be?
good luck with yours :0)

Answer 5

My mother was a fantastic mother to me and my brother - but ask me if (as a teenager) I ever moaned about her and said she was horrible to me, the answer would be yes all the time I moaned. I didn't appreciate her and how great a mother she had been till I had my own children. So although I know there are some mothers out there who don't know how to be proper parents - I also think that kids moaning about their parents is quite normal and probably a growing to independence phase.

Answer 6

My mum wasn't the best mum in the world, in fact she still isn't. She had and still has issues with alcohol but my terrible upbringing has made me a better person and I am trying to raise my kids the total opposite way she did it!
Most people aspire to be like their parents but not me! I will do anything to ensure I don't turn out like her.
Alhough I am not the best mum in the world, my kids are secure and know they are loved. That means the world to me as I never had it as a child.

Answer 7

Because it is usually the way they were treated and they think it was ok. My mom is the same way. A control freak that has nothing but bad things to say about people, and would yell at us kids if we would dare laugh while we were washing the dishes. One of my sisters and I live an hour or more away because we can't stand being around her. She yells at my niece all the time and my other sister just lets her do it. My husband has told me that if anything ever happens to me that he would refuse to let them see our son because he doesn't want them treating him like she treats my niece.

Answer 8

Because they don't care and they are ignorant
I believe that parenting is for life - your role changes but they are always your children. My daughter is only two. My mum thinks she finished her job and any problems we have between us are never her fault... I hope to change that with my child and to accept some of the blame for any future misunderstandings.
Not everyone is made to love but with parenting you cannot go back once the child arrives. Some people realize that they are not cut out for it but they are now stuck so they just muddle through...

Answer 9

I believe we learn from our parents,was your maternal grandmother like this as well? Luckily you have broken the destructive cycle and your kids will never be on this site saying they never felt loved. I hope you are hugely proud of that,concentrate on that thought when your mothers coldness gets too much.

Answer 10

Hello I wish i Knew

My mother is a drop kick, but i turned out A OK! I have a beautiful family now, I guess I learned from her mistakes!