I have been in a 2.5 year relationship with someone who was a very good friend before we started dating. I am 9 years older than him and he struggled with that. He 35 and I am 44. However we shared a lot of common interests and enjoyed each others company a lot that we continued to see each other. It was a rough 2 and a half years. But I did love him and hoped it will get better. I dont get into casual relationships. When I get involved, it is because I think it is for keeps. After a a lot of on and offs, he finally broke it off 4 months ago and said he is not sure that I am not the right person for him. That hurt. I treated this man so well. He was at the very least a friend, so I thought and him having no empathy whatsoever was just too much to bear. Now he is dating a girl and knowing he is moving on is really hard. I see him at work, we belong to same clubs. What do I do?
2007-09-18 01:54:45 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
There is nothing you can do. He broke it off, he is moving on. You have to too.
2007-09-18 01:58:30 · answer #1 · answered by ZCT 7 · 5⤊ 1⤋
There is an old Chinese saying...."Jealosy is more self love than love." There is so much wrong with this relationship beginning with the fact you work together; age difference, your neediness and lack of other people in your life, etc. Seems like it was doomed from the very beginning; more need than want. You have caused yourself much pain. He's just a man honey...and they are all puppies. Find yourself another interest, he is not the end all be all and if you think he is...let go and just evolve. Life is all about evolving. Take a mile walk everyday, breathe deeply, take nature into your heart. discipline your mind and say a prayer for perseverance. The world will not come to an end...we all hurt over something. Good luck and God bless.
2016-05-17 12:31:47 · answer #2 · answered by ranae 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's gotta hurt very deeply. But everyone has a right to move on if they decide they want to. You mentioned that your years with him were "rough". Maybe he didn't want a "rough" relationship anymore, and you shouldn't either. Relationships are suppose to be good and enjoyable, not rough. You need to do what every other woman has done throughout time in your situation and keep busy with other things, even if you don't want to. Just go through the motions of your life, because you have to. Eventually your spirits will lift and life will have some kind of meaning again. Don't even entertain the thought of being "friends" with your ex, because that NEVER works. If it's possible, try changing jobs and go to different places to socialize. If that's not possible, then avoid him. You'll get through this, just like we all have.
2007-09-18 02:05:58 · answer #3 · answered by cynthiajean222 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I know that you aren't into casual dating, but in my experience that is the only way to get over a guy- jump back in the game. Keep yourself busy, find new intrests while still keeping the ones you had together. If you stop going you will look weak, and you do not want that! Another thing that helps is going to a gym and working out all of your agressions- I love the punching bag when I have alot on my mind. Or take a class, like kickboxing or yoga to help destress and ease the pain.
I have been where you are before and I know it hurts- all you want to do is crawl into a hole and cry- but you have to be stronger than that, there is someone out there who will love and appericiate you for who you are, not your age.
2007-09-18 02:05:47 · answer #4 · answered by GiGi! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The best thing you can do for yourself is to move on. I know that it is painful but you should definitely try not to focus on him. Use this time to focus on you. Find a few girlfriends to hang out with or just read a book. You may even want to join a few new clubs where their are different crowds of people then the people you work with.
Whatever you do, I would suggest that you do not just jump into a new relationship on rebound before you discover what you really want and what went wrong in this relationship. Sometimes you end up in worse situations when you just jump into a new relationship to try to forget someone else. Focus on yourself right now!! It is all about you. And whatever you do, don't let him see how much it bothers you. Let the world know that you are doing just fine without him. And you will. Because despite of what it feels like now, you will wake up tommorow and the sun will rise, as it always does. Only time will truly heal your heart, but learn from it. There are so many wonderful men out there willing to give to you everything and it always happens best when you are not looking for it.
And finallly, thank God that the relationship ended before you decided to marry. Think about how much more painful it would have been then. Use this relationship as a learning experience and someone will come along when you least expect it who is just as crazy for you as you are from them. Besides if this relationship was as one sided as it sounds -you don't need him. you need someone who will do something for you as well. Before I met my husband I went through a lot of painful experiences, but now I think God for every one of them because it has made me into the woman he fell in love with.And I appreciate a great person so much more because now I know what was out there and I know what I have now. And if you change one thing in anyone's past, they are forever changed and may not be the strong person they end up being in the end. And who knows maybe you guys are really meant to be together, you never know, but I would still move on anyway and leave that for a twinkle in your eyes. Or cross that bridge if you get there.And please think twice before you get involved with someone you work with again.
2007-09-18 02:22:59 · answer #5 · answered by me 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, the first step is to remove yourself from the places where you constantly have to see him. This can't possibly make things any easier for you. Then, you need to try to let go. I know it is hard but he is moving on and you can't just sit there and dwell on it. You need to do something for yourself that you didn't do while he was around. Take some classes that you always wanted to take, go to some new places. Be happy that he didn't drag the 2 1/2 yrs. that you were together out to, say 10 yrs. and then leave. You need to be with someone who will not have any doubts about you and love you with all they have.
2007-09-18 02:06:00 · answer #6 · answered by Chelley 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh wow, thats gotta be tough! Well, as hard as it is to move on, you are just going to have to give it your best shot. Maybe you should try dating someone else as well. You need to do things to keep you mind off of him. I would try NOT to go to the same clubs that he goes to. Seeing him (especially with his new girl) is just going to make things worse! I know you can't really do anything about seeing him at work, but all you can really do is accept what it is and try to move on. There is really no cure for a broken heart, but like everything else...it will heal in time. It's just the time that it takes to get there that makes it so hard. Hang in there hun. And good luck!
2007-09-18 01:59:28 · answer #7 · answered by nuniestar 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It is always difficult to end a relationship, that you are not ready to end.
You need to find other things that will occupy your time, that are separate from him. Be cordial at work. Find new clubs and things to do that do not remind you of him. Find new friends and new hobbies. YOU have to set your mind to getting past this, you are the one that is control of your life. Pining away for him, isn't going to bring him back, and I say that in a positive way, you need to move on. Find someone else that you can befriend, and maybe you will be able to find a new lover as well. You have to make the choice to change your feelings, and move on. You only feel the way you allow people to make you feel. You have control~use it to move on. There are plenty of places and things for you to go and do to move on. You sound like a decent, well rounded, good friend. BE that friend to new people. You will be surprised what getting back in the saddle will do for you!!!
Good Luck!
2007-09-18 02:06:14 · answer #8 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry things didn't work out.
It takes time to get through a break up, and i see that in your case, you haven't been able to sever ties completely because he has some of the same associations which you do.
I've found that, just because we treat someone well doesn't mean they are going to stick around... believe me, i have a lot of experience wtih over-giving and being "too nice" and too willing to do for others.
I hope you will spend time with friends and family, find productive things to do in your spare time. I know it hurts to lose someone we love... time does heal...
There are a lot of resources (free) on the web. You can do a yahoo search for SURVIVING A BREAKUP or LIFE AFTER BREAKING UP for good advice and suggestions about how to move on.
I'm sorry you are heartbroken. take good care of YOU. hugs
2007-09-18 02:02:08 · answer #9 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi Hon..
What you have to do is get on with your life..He's getting on with his..
It's hard losing a friend and a lover..But it happens.
The fact that he struggled with your age, was a red flag right there..
Many, many couples have considerable age differences, where the woman is older than the man, and they get along just fine.
It seems both of you had your own insecurities..Him with age, and you with fear of commitment!
Okay, you've been away from each other for 4 months now.. It's time to stop worrying about what he's doing with his life.
Start going out with your friends..go to some happy places, where, you can laugh, and have fun..Go see some funny movies..Try getting away on the weekends..Make up your mind that you're going to get him out of your mind..The mind is a powerful tool..use it!
Stop being afraid to get involved in a long term relationship. and stop being afraid of commitment.. If you need to speak to a therapist..DO IT!
You'll find a new love..Just be patient..
Take care hon..
2007-09-18 02:34:05 · answer #10 · answered by howdoilvthee 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly, let me say, I"m sorry. This is got to hurt.
Sadly, this can happen in relationships.
It sounds as though you gave it 100percent and now your heart is broken.
You are going through a grieving process at the moment and you must allow yourself time to heal.
I would say - is it possible for you to go to another club, just until your heart heals and, are you able to move into another section of your work(just until you heal) so that you don't have to see him.
Not all men are like this. I've known of relationships where women are older than men and they work our perfectly.
Sounds as though you are a very decent and loving person and there is a lucky guy waiting for you BUT not just yet.
Don't dive into another relationship.
You need to give yourself time to heal - especially your heart.
I'm so sorry and wish you well
Take care of yourself and your heart - it's precious!
2007-09-18 02:01:30 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋