My daughter was being mistreated by her step cousin. The cousin would keep harrassing her and calling her names. We told the parents and grandparents what was happening and it ended up a bigg mess. If the kids can't play don't bring them up was mentioned. It has been 2 months since we have went to the grandparents house. Now the little girl says she is sorry but I don't feel like she is. I can forgive her but I won't forget. This is the third incident with my husbans family. It seems like it is the step grandmothers fault cause she lets her grandkids walk all over her, and they are allowed to do whatever they want. I don't know what to do.
2007-09-18 01:51:37 · 13 answers · asked by Cindy T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My husband feels differently about this situation than I do. He thinks it won't happen again. Me I know it will happen again. The girl has more than self esteem issues. her own mother does the same with her.
2007-09-18 02:30:39 · update #1
This situation does need to be handled with care for many reasons. First off, your children should not have to be around or play with another child who is rude and hurtful. However, since this situation involves family it may not be all that reasonable to simply stay away. What makes it even more difficult is the fact that the family members involved are step relatives (this can be a very touchy issue).
I don't know what the consequences (on your part) have been during other incidents of harassment but two months may have been enough of one to make this child understand her actions were unacceptable. Try to give this child another chance. Before you do allow the children to play I think it would be important for you to discuss the problem with her parents. Let them know that you love and care about their daughter and it's truly unfortunate that the kids have not played together but you simply can't allow the behavior. Just be calm and respectful, don't put them in a corner where they feel they need to be defensive. Stay away from saying things such as: "if she were my child" or "if you parented her better". These are only arguement starters. Once the parents understand where you are coming from they can discuss their expectations to their own child and discipline accordingly. Also, they can let grandma know that she is to step up and make sure this does not occur when the granddaughter is in her care.
If it all falls through then there's nothing you can do but to keep this child away from your children and try to make arrangements to see the grandparents at different times....at least then no one can say you didn't give it a fair try.
2007-09-18 02:27:40 · answer #1 · answered by Lwood 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know that it is hard to not let kids see their grandparents but sometimes we have to end up doing that to protect our children. The parents and the grandparents sound like they just don't really care about the feelings of others outside of their little area. Been there - growing up there were favorites of my grandma's so therefore my parents didn't take me around very often. If the grandparents want to see you, they can come to your house without the other grandkids. You have the responsibility to protect your children and that includes mentally as well as physcially. Get involved in activities that the kids can enjoy and maybe they won't miss going to the grandparents.
2007-09-18 02:31:00 · answer #2 · answered by Love being a Mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're responsible for how your raise your daughter. I know you don't want her to learn that calling names is good but do you also want her to learn that people don't deserve a second chance?
It sounds like you want to cut this kid out of your daughter's life forever and your husband wants to reinstate her completely. There is a middle ground there. Let her time over start with more supervised activities. You don't necessarily need to be watching every little thing they do together but you need to be close enough to hear what's being said. If the cousin mouths off, that's it, play date over, she can try again next time. If she minds her manners you can allow a bit more freedom of action. Basically, it shows that you forgive and are letting her earn your trust with her actions while also protecting your family from behavior you don't like.
2007-09-18 06:23:52 · answer #3 · answered by Critter 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This little girl is obviously very unhappy and thinks it's ok to be mean and call people names. You say that her own mother treats her this way. Young children don't have the ability to examine their feelings and the only way they can express them is to lash out. While I understand the need you feel to protect your children, you and your children are in a unique position to try to help this little girl learn appropriate behaviors. Instead of getting mad at her try talking to her. You could even try some role-playing games with her and your children. Step up and show this little girl some compassion and understanding. This would show her that someone does actually care about her and it would be a valuable teaching tool for your children on how to deal with bullies. You're anger at the situation is justified but it should be directed at the girl's parents, not her.
2007-09-18 02:54:17 · answer #4 · answered by Coop's Wife 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi... if the step cousin is calling your daughter names, i'd think she has some issues with her self esteem. Somehow she was taught she wasn't very valuable, and bringing others down is a way to give her temporary relief from her own insecurities.
sounds crazy, but believe me, it's probably true.
she's only a little girl -- we live what we learn. think about it.
meanwhile, you can do a yahoo search on NAME CALLING... i just did, and there is a lot of information.
take care.
2007-09-18 02:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Children learn what they see, and it sounds like the step cousin is learnging bad behaviour from her equally unsociable grandmother. I wouldnt want that kind of family influencing my child so I'd stay away and perhaps invite the Grandfather (I presume hes your partners biological father) to come visit with you in your home without any of the step family.
At the end of the day these people arent doing anything to look after the welfare of your child and clearly showing favouritism to the step cousin.
2007-09-18 02:35:26 · answer #6 · answered by KeaneMiss 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why bother? Join the PTA and you'll find that most of the mothers just go to make friends! Then you can hang out with someone who doesn't have a spoiled brat. I know it's hard with family, but you have to do what's right for your child. Name calling is hard to take and can be emotionally damaging. Good Luck!
2007-09-18 02:05:56 · answer #7 · answered by hmm 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i individually experience sorry for you having to bypass by way of all of this for as long as you have. i comprehend of no different woman who would have long gone on with this scientific care the way you have. You pronounced you concept you will be on seperate roads ,stepping into distinctive guidelines, and that i've got self assurance that possibly for the ultimate. the reason I pronounced it somewhat is by using the fact in a courting, you will be waiting to have confidence this person and you may have mutual appreciate, and it appears that evidently such as you're getting none.
2016-10-04 22:39:49 · answer #8 · answered by richberg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do your kids want to play with her? If so, then I don't see why not.
You can't shield them from all of the bad people in the world, but you can teach them how to deal with them when they encounter them. And, maybe, your step-niece will learn something from you and from your kids, along the way.
My kids used to go to childcare at the gym & there was a child there who was a little younger than them who was always taking toys away from them (and sometimes hitting in the process). When they complained to me about it, I reminded them that they used to do things like that, too & asked them why they used to do that and why they thought that they didn't do it anymore.
They talked about it & realized that he was taking toys because he hadn't learned how to share, how to ask for what he wanted & he was hitting because he didn't know how to communicate with others. Then, they took it upon themselves to teach him all of these things. They were so proud one day when I picked them up & they told me that they had taught him how to ask for toys & share! He was their friend from then on.
2007-09-18 03:52:25 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would not let her play with the step cousin if she is going to act that way.
2007-09-18 02:27:21 · answer #10 · answered by Jessica 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋