My Dad died 4 weeks ago, which has left my Mum living on her own in a retirement bungalow where they moved to 7 months ago. She has early stages of alziemers, which is really hard. I take a day off a week with her and see her weekends and evenings. My sister helps as well. The problem is, is that everytime I talk to her on the phone she keeps saying she is lonely and bored. All her neighbours have said she can go round anytime, and also there is a community house where they do things like outings, coffee morning etc. One minutes she wants to go then the next she doesn't. It is so frustrating, because I can't be with her everyday. I don't want to get angry with her because she has alzeimers and that would upset her. I feel so guilty for not being with her. What should I do?
2007-09-18 00:52:18 · 10 answers · asked by tia 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Your mum has just suffered a terrible loss, this plus the fact that she's suffering from Alzheimer's will make this time very difficult for her. She has to come to terms with her loss in her own way, so when she feels ready to go out she will!
Perhaps you could speak to the staff at the complex she lives in, perhaps they could go round for her when activities are on in the community house and persuade her to attend, the same for her neighbours, perhaps they can pop round and visit her!
Your mum needs time, as do you and your sister, it's only been 4 weeks!
2007-09-18 01:57:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your poor mum and my sympathies to you! I have been through something similar and know how hard it can be. She is probably still grieving and 4 weeks is a little too soon to get too involved as she is probably still feeling emotional and not at her best.
You also get tired of going places where people are aware of what you have been through and are being kind rather than potential friends. You always feel like the 3rd leg.
I would suggest that when you spend your day with her that you take her down to the community centre and help her introduce herself and chat with people of her own age. What about some volunteer work ? Makes you feel use full and is really rewarding. What are her interests? See if you can find groups or clubs that she can go to.
While you visit why don't you get some nice cakes etc and invite a couple of people around you think she may get on with for tea etc??
Good luck , I know it is really hard. Bare with her - it gets a little easier with time. It is the nights that are always tough which is why it is so important to fill the days.
2007-09-18 09:34:35 · answer #2 · answered by sunfunsea 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your dad just died four weeks ago, your mom is probably still grieving, and maybe she doesn't feel like going "out" even if she says she is lonely and bored.
Just keep doing things with her when you can. You are doing your best.
There is no reason to be angry with her.. maybe she just needs someone to listen...
I think you need to live YOUR life, too... give whatever time you can to Mom and also take care of you (that is very important). You dont' have to feel "guilty"... guilt is for criminals, and you are definitely not a criminal, hon!
Also, if you know of a friend or two your mom has, you could ask them if they'd call her or stop in to see her when they have time.
take care ok?
2007-09-18 09:20:33 · answer #3 · answered by letterstoheather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you would like to take her to lunch or supper and it means so much to you as you want to spend time with her. She probably is a very shy person. But the 2 of you would be able to have time alone which means she can make you happy.
She will be the one having fun before she knows it. Keep on her about this.
Mother and daughters are special people and need each others company.
2007-09-18 08:00:48 · answer #4 · answered by mary 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear about your dad and your mum.
Have you tried telephoning 'Help The Aged' ...maybe they have some ideas that will help you out.
Sorry that's all I can offer. If I lived near her I would offer to befriend her, maybe she'd like to come out walking the dogs with me, but even then, I'm going home in a few weeks. Unless of course you're in Ireland
2007-09-18 11:32:58 · answer #5 · answered by Curious39 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
when you get frustrated, just think that she felt and experienced the same way when you were still a baby. it would take a really great amount of patience. consider hiring a sitter for her who can be with her all the time, someone who could talk to her and look after her.
2007-09-18 08:17:39 · answer #6 · answered by myc4971 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your mom is not so much bored as depressed...she is grieving for your dad...talk to her doctor about using an anti-depression drug...sometimes a little medicine can improve a persons outlook...just do what you can to cheer her up...go for a walk or to a park...put your frustration aside for her sake ...and if you get angry you will regret it later...i wish you the best.
2007-09-18 08:09:59 · answer #7 · answered by jazzy l 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
if necessary convenience her and try to engage in any suitable job ..... naturally she goes out and she has some routine all the day ....
in that way she also has some friends circle ...
2007-09-18 08:14:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i feel sorry for ur dad. for u mum maybe for this time you should take her to live with you for a several time.
2007-09-18 07:59:12 · answer #9 · answered by leeza 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
gt a dog then she' ll have to and its so good for stress
2007-09-18 10:24:06 · answer #10 · answered by ~*tigger*~ ** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋