My father died very recently. When it happened, I was a wreck and just out of it. Now I keep going in between periods of missing him a great deal and, upon being around my husband, getting back to normal life for the sake of my children and my marriage. I really want to just lay in bed all day and cry, but they make me get up. Am I still grieving? Yeah, yeah, I know, only I can tell. But with the way I keep feeling, bouncing between the two, I'm not sure. Any ideas?
2007-09-17 23:26:51 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
My father never abandoned me. Why would I grieve and feel so much pain for a male who did that? That's no father, that's simply a donor. A father is one who sticks around and raises the kids. My dad was a father.
2007-09-17 23:32:42 · update #1
yeah.. you are. Thats probably why you are so "Grrrrr" as stated in your other questions. But it takes time. I would not expect you to be over it yet. It does take some time, only you will know how long. But let them take you out and get moving, try and start you life up again. Its not the end, but only the begining. And know, life is a trip (I am still looking for my map) and that the trip will end. Just amke sure you have fun. Bad things happen, but they will pass. Look back and laughand the good times, and remember the bad. Learn from mistakes, and remember short cuts end up being a harder way through.
2007-09-18 04:32:46 · answer #1 · answered by Freq, Grandparent of Y!A 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry for your loss ... the death of a parent is the hardest and unfortunately, being a grownup, having kids and a loving husband doesn't make it much easier. They are a consolation but grieving is a process, and it has to be gone through. Based on what you said, it was just a little while ago when your father died. It means that the process is still in its early stages. You'll just have to bear with it, not repress anything but seek solace where you can find it. It will not be all tears, I can assure you. A human being cannot be sad all the time - we are just built this way and it is good. I promise that amid the sadness, there will be bright days and moments of unexpected grace in store for you ... even more so if you are a religious or spiritual person. Suffering does have meaning, and often it is to give us a deeper understanding and compassion. So I wish you an interesting journey ... Peace be with you.
2007-09-17 23:45:30 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You might be depressed. Depression can follow grief. You might need a councilor at this point to help you and your family. Everyone grieves differently. Why not think on what a good parent he was and try to emulate this quality. Why not have a memorial to your father and celebrate his life? Make memories with his grandchildren about how wonderful his life was and stress all the things you would like to keep alive in your family. Invite siblings, other parents, old friends of your father and have a tea party or some small feed. You will enjoy it and it will help you feel better. "Gone but not forgotten."
2007-09-17 23:42:21 · answer #3 · answered by spiritwoman343 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mother told me that grief never truly ends it just eases over time. My mother's husband died a few months ago and she misses him terribly, she had been widowed before, but truly saw him as her soul mate. Most of the family are not sure how to cope, some of us avoid talking about the subject altogether, others are just lost for words like me. He was a good parent to me and always took an interest in my life and although he wasn't my biological father, when he died I felt like a piece was missing, as if the family was incomplete. I feel for you I really do. Perhaps you are still grieving as you were bereaved not long ago. As they say, time is a healer. So get well soon.
Love,
Abby
2007-09-17 23:37:48 · answer #4 · answered by A-chan 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry for your loss. It is very difficult to deal with. My mother passed a short time ago and this has helped me a great deal. This would be a very good time in your life to get down and pray to Jesus Christ to help you. He would love nothing better than to help you through your grieving process. He will lift that burden from your shoulders just because He loves you very much and wants to share that love with you. This has done wonders for me and I know that it will help you also.
2007-09-17 23:37:08 · answer #5 · answered by michael m 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
That is normal, things like grief don't just disappear all at once.
You will find over time (hopefully) that the periods of sadness over his death get longer and longer apart and less intense.
Just try and keep doing the things you have to do and don't fall into a pit of self pity - that really does not help anyone.
2007-09-17 23:33:59 · answer #6 · answered by HP 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yes of course. They say it takes over a year for someone to grieve the loss of a parent. I still am and its been over a year now.
2007-09-18 00:45:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
o.k. sis, i am going to tell you what i was told when my father died 26 years ago.
all i wanted to do was lay around in bed & cry all day,i was so alone, i thought, my father just died! & i wanted him back!!!! how could he leave me like this!!!! my 5 year old daughter, {who a year later went to be with her grandfather} told me mama, would grandpa want you to cry all day, & leave us alone??or smile at the times you had with him, & do your life??
what my little angel now in Jannah was trying to tell me,,, would your father want you to lay there & grieve his death, being sad, & unhappy, or get up,smile, & remember him, & the good times you had with him, shar the good times with your fam, friends,
sis what would your dad whant you to do???,
plz do not be mad of what i have written, for i know how you feel, 4 childern, 4 husbands, my mother, & father, all are in Jannah , yes i miss them, & steel greave them, but i am alive, & have a fam to care for,i go on with my life, for in hopes one day i will see them all again
every time the grieveing starts to try to take over, the words of my little girl rings loud in my heart, & soul, i close my eyes & see her little face, & i smile.
2007-09-18 02:35:04 · answer #8 · answered by fatima_feb25 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You may be grieving and in a way people involved in your daily routine such as your children help you move on...there are quiet moments when one does stop, think and remember their lost ones....its nothing unusual, afterall someone who is dearly loved, is hard to let go at all.
2007-09-17 23:36:20 · answer #9 · answered by LOTR Fan 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Yes you are still grieving, and the fact that your family tries to get you to real life is a good thing. But make sure you are indeed ready - crying is good, remember! It releases you from pain and tension.
2007-09-17 23:33:16 · answer #10 · answered by larissa 6 · 3⤊ 2⤋