The 5 Questions Most Feared By Men>1. What are you thinking about?>2. Do you love me?>3. Do I look fat in this?>4. Do you think she is prettier than me?>5. What would you do if I died?>>What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to >explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (I.e. Tells >the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed >below, along with possible responses.>>Question #1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of >course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on >what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and >how lucky I am to have met you.">>This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most >likely is one of the following: a. "Football." b. "Golf." c. "How fat you >are." d. "How I would spend the insurance money if you died.">>Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who >once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be >talking to you!">>Question #2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "Yes!" or, if you feel >a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear.">>Inappropriate responses include: a. "Oh yeah, sh*tloads." b. "Would it make >you feel better if I said yes?" c. "That depends on what you mean by love." >d. "Does it matter?" e. "Who, me?">>Question #3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course >not!">>Incorrect answers are: a. "Compared to what?" b. "I wouldn't call you fat, >but you're not exactly thin." c. "A little extra weight looks good on you." >d. "I've seen fatter." e. "Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking >about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.">>Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper >response is an emphatic: "Of course not!">>Incorrect responses include: a. "Yes, but you have a better personality. " >b. "Not prettier, but definitely thinner." c. "Not as pretty as you when >you were her age." d. "Define pretty." e. "Sorry what did you say? I was >just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.">>Question #5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question. (The >real answer, of course, is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat.")>>No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of >follow-up questions, usually along these lines:>>Woman: Would you get married again?>Man: Definitely not!>Woman: Why not -- don't you like being married?>Man: Of course I do.>Woman: Then why wouldn't you remarry?>Man: Okay, I'd get married again.>Woman: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)>Man: (audible groan)>Woman: Would you sleep with her in our bed?>Man: Where else would we sleep?>Woman: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of >her?>Man: That would seem like the proper thing to do.>Woman: And would you let her use my golf clubs?>Man: She can't use them -- she's left-handed.>Woman: (silence)>Man: Sh*t.
2007-09-17 23:06:37 · 15 answers · asked by The Ghost of Scousertommy 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Ok point taking on the veggy (carrots) thing i doooo ajolopize.and no its not a question i put it here to make you have a giggle and im glad to say some of you have.To the others a big fat rasberry coz i liked it carrots n all byeeeee xxxxxx
2007-09-18 01:09:39 · update #1
genious
i liked it anyway
hav a star mate
2007-09-18 00:29:04 · answer #1 · answered by stefan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Al Bundy was right! If we want you to know what we're thinking, we'd be speaking.
2. No man can lie and answer this question with a straight face. If he can't say he loves you, he doesn't!
3. If you're not looking for an argument, then you might try and avoid asking loaded questions like; "Do these jeans make me look fat?", because there is NO CORRECT RESPONCE for this question.
The choices are; "YES, those jeans make you look fat.", or "NO, the jeans have nothing to do with how fat you look."
Why do you insist on asking questions to which you DO NOT want to receive an answer? If you can't look in a mirror and see if you're fat or not, get some frickin' glasses.
4. Any man with a gram of grey matter would answer this question "NO!" If he says otherwise, don't bear his children for they will be severly retarded.
5. What I'd do if my wife died is impossible to answer because no one can truely see the future and speculation is a sad excuse to pick an arguement over.
2007-09-18 06:25:03 · answer #2 · answered by Feeling new @ 42 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Star,
Ditch the carrots
2007-09-18 07:02:09 · answer #3 · answered by Oregon 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you cut and paste some else's work, it's nice if you take the "carrots" out - they are distracting to the reader.
2007-09-18 06:10:13 · answer #4 · answered by ♥ тнє σяιgιиαℓ gιяℓfяι∂αу ♥ 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Mildly amusing, but it's not a question is it?
And if you cut and paste stuff, it's a good idea to format it so it's easier to read
2007-09-18 06:18:03 · answer #5 · answered by fruitybat101 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
lol my man has obviously read this years ago cos he always says the rigt things. but we women know exactly what they really mean so there really is no right answer!
2007-09-18 06:20:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would you ever just leave it out.....im not gonna read all that. And even if I did, I wouldnt give you a star.
2007-09-18 06:08:40 · answer #7 · answered by spick&span 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
WOW! grow some and just answer the girls questions
2007-09-18 06:16:35 · answer #8 · answered by touchdown_rams05 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
#6: Can you come and meet my Mother?
2007-09-18 06:20:31 · answer #9 · answered by Ivor Hugh G.Rection 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Next time you cut and paste a long email, take the time to format it so people can read it, thanks.
2007-09-18 06:09:29 · answer #10 · answered by ? 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋