Okay, I was raised by a VERY Christian (Mormon) mother. I don't know my dad, but I had two abusive stepdads, neither of which were Christian. When I was 16,I thought for myself: I didn't believe it and have been Agnostic since. She has NEVER gotten over it.
Well, my senior year of high school, I met my husband. We dated for a year before moving out of state. We got married a few years ago, but I didn't tell my family. They aren't fond of him because we live together "unmarried" and more importantly- he's not religious at all. Agnostic, like me.
I am tired of not being able to tell my family, I know I should have told them right away, but I didn't, and can't change that. He has never done anything wrong to them, but I call my mother less and less because every time I do she tries to pressure me into leaving him and moving home. What do I do? Am I a horrible daughter for being more concerned with my future family, than my bitter mother? I don't want to lose her entirely.
2007-09-17 22:08:00 · 7 answers · asked by Puppy Paws 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
My husband has never been disrespectful to my mother, or her religion. Why do I feel some weird loyalty to her, when I know she is trying to control my life?
How do I let her know she means a lot to me, but that I feel her love is only there under the condition I live according to HER plan?
2007-09-18 01:29:23 · update #1
I don't think you're a horrible daughter at all. You're an adult now and you have to look to the future and live your life as you want to live it..not how your mother wants you to.
You should probably go ahead and tell your family that you are happily married. At the very least a weight will have been lifted and you won't have the burden of a secret marriage on your shoulders. If you think that telling them verbally will cause a huge fight then write a letter. That way you will be able to say everything you want and need to say without being interrupted. Cover everything..your marrige, how much you love your husband, how you're agnostic..everything. Rid yourself of everything that you've been keeping inside.
Finally, maybe you and your mother could come to some kind of truce or agreement. Tell her that you're more than happy to phone her and have a relationship but that you don't want pressure to leave your marriage. Set up some boundries, ie we won't speak of this, that , etc.
Take care and best of luck!
2007-09-17 23:37:07 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to quote the Bible, b/c I know you've moved away from it, but the Book does say that when two people unite in marriage, the two become one and leave their other lives behind.
I think you are right in following your own mind and making your own decisions. You are not a bad daughter at all. I think it's pretty awful that your mother would stop speaking to you over something like your religious choices (or lack thereof). Her love for you should transcend anything and everything.
My advice would be this: the next time she calls and starts in on her litany, just ask her...do you want me to move back home with _____(huband's name)? Because that's the only way I'm coming is with him. He is a part of my life and you need to accept that. He's my husband.
Just let her know how much you mean to one another and how it's not an option for you to pack up and leave him because that's what SHE wants you to do.
Good luck!
2007-09-18 04:52:14 · answer #2 · answered by YSIC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i suppose that your Family is TOO strict at the culture aspect of matters, i imply that is the twenty first century! You have transparent goals on your existence to comply with, as a result don't hesitate to comply with it all of the means via. I suppose that you just will have to speak on your mom on a major notice, now not like your 'whining' approximately this marriage factor, however significantly inform her your ambitions in existence and your opinion, be very sincere along with her. Finally finish the dialogue via telling her that if she loves then you she will have to can help you do what makes YOU pleased in existence and now not different humans. When you're discussing along with her, exhibit her your entire admire, love and in addition thank fullness; make it transparent to her that you just fully grasp that she desires you to have an excessively well existence in view that she loves you however that's now not going to make YOU pleased. I suppose that just a mom can fully grasp her daughter's quandary and will support you get away this blunder. If your mom is via your aspect, then you might have your entire force to combat the entire household. Ultimately depart the whole lot in God's arms whenever you positioned your entire efforts in. At the tip suppose, something occurs, is what God willed it to so it's for the well! All the very nice xxxxx
2016-09-05 18:08:50 · answer #3 · answered by boudreaux 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly your husband cares for you and you care for him matters much for too of you,u respect eachother's feelings thus u should tell yr family having assured yrself that the guy is not going to go back or leave you ..then declare yr marriage....first talk to yr mom and explain her how imp he is to u and at the same time let her know that he doesnot disregard her or religion at all...well service to mankind is humanity...that is the best religion on planet earth...may be yr mom after a period might accept the facts...and god bless u all...
2007-09-18 02:22:59 · answer #4 · answered by mukesh30jan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
organized religion has brought down more civilizations that wars so it works the same with marriage. You got to use logic in marriage and religion leaves it out remember when you have children you have to give unconditional love and it will be the only way a marriage will work. throw out your conditions and have him get rid of his and put logic and wisdom into your marriage. Your religion should be your blueprint not your final project.
2007-09-18 00:18:52 · answer #5 · answered by wreaser2000 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ask her how Tom Green is? Tell her she should know him, he's the Mormon man that got sent to prison for marrying and having sex with underage girls. Ask her would she prefer you married someone like him?
2007-09-18 02:20:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would think she would be glad he finally "made an honest woman of you".
2007-09-18 08:46:02 · answer #7 · answered by mormon_4_jesus 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋