Is it wrong to do a background check on a boyfriend?

Question

I was seeing a man whom I fell in love with in a short time. I started getting close to his kids, who are absolutely wonderful, and it spooked him. We didn't officially break up but after a few weeks of no calls I asked for my things back (that I left at his place) and he totally ignored me for over a month so I decided to run a background check on him. I found out that he has some serious issues that he's done in the past but now he is LIVID with me saying that I overstepped my boundaries, I invaded his privacy and that I'm completely crazy. Is he right? If he would have given me my things back in the first place then I wouldn't have ran the background check. He has controlling issues but why not return my things? Guess he likes to keep mementos of failed relationships.

I still can't get my things and he told his kids never to talk to me again or answer the door if I show up to get my things. However, his oldest still emails me and tells me he misses me. It's a hard situation.

Answer 1

You were not wrong. You have every right to know the background of those you are romantically involved with. If you really want your stuff back, and he won't give them to you, then file a complaint with the police. Afterwords, have nothing to do with him. He's a loser.

EDIT: For those claiming that a background check is invading his privacy, any background check available to ordinary citizens outside of law enforcement will only yield information that is part of the public record. Since it's public record, it's not invading his privacy.

For those claiming you shouldn't judge him based on his past, that's a personal choice, and you shouldn't judge her based on that. You don't even know what the 'serious issues' he's had in the past were, and could even indicate a violent history.

Answer 2

Let's be clear here, you did a background check on a (more or less) ex boyfriend. It doesn't really matter that he's mad because you essentially chose to break it off. Ask yourself this question though: did the background check add anything of value to your life or did it create more problems.

I don't think there is anything wrong with Googling your boyfriend's name to see what comes up, but I certainly don't think it would be right to do any kind of formal background check. If you're going to be in a relationship then you need to trust the person to be honest with you about their past. If you need to run a background check to see if they are being honest, then you are already presuming they are dishonest. And you're also presuming they are hiding something rather than it's just something that hasn't come up.

I know that in this age where you can follow a person's movements in real time with GPS it's tempting to want to look for any information to make sure you're not dealing with a creep. But what kind of relationships are you going to have if you start off assuming every guy is a creep and then require him to prove himself.

EDIT: As for getting your things back, you have several options:
-If nothing is particularly valuable, you could just forget about the things and move on - this is probably the best option.
-If something is valuable enough that replacing it would be a burden, you could always threaten to take him to small claims court - I did this once and I got my things in a couple days.
-You could offer to send him a prepaid box for UPS so he can just box the stuff up and ship it to you - or ask if he would just leave it in a box on his front porch and you'll pick it up while he's at work or something.

Answer 3

I wouldn't agree with running a background check, but something didn't sit right with you, so I guess your curiosity got the better of you. Sounds like it is best for you to stay away from him. If he doesn't give your things back and you have proof they are your, then go to the police station and explain the situation and see if they can't help you. If your items aren't really that important and you can live without them, then I would mark it up as a lesson learned and be glad to be done with someone like that.

Answer 4

Others left overs are never a main course that is why they are left overs Your intuition told you something was not right You followed your intuition and saved yourself alot of heartache In this day and age it is better to be safe than sorry He should have returned your things as asked He did not his true colors were revealed You did the right thing and protected yourself and your own feelings Consider yourself lucky I do feel sorry however for his children He needs to take care of his control issues so he does not pass on his behavior to his children Where was or is the mother are they divorced is she deployed do you know why she left Good detective work

Answer 5

Doing background checks are going to be the norm in the future, mark my words. If he doesn't like what you dug up in his past, he shouldn't have gotten into shady dealings.

Answer 6

A great way to get your ex back is https://tr.im/tlKxF

They might realize they need you and come crawling back!

If you do get back together, don't let the same issues that destroyed your relationship crop up again. Have a good, long talk about how you're both going to make it right this time.

Answer 7

1st, no you're no longer incorrect. If the guy replaced into convicted of one legal or perhaps 2, then it could have been a prior mistake or possibly a collection up. This guy replaced into convicted of four. you have the accountability to safeguard your self. 2d, you need to have invaded his privateness, even though it extremely is a dam good element you probably did. You found out approximately his undesirable attractiveness and each and all of the drama around him. you seem as though a good woman. I doubt a guy like that should ever take excitement in you. third, he's purely pissed through fact he's immature. despite if he does not choose to be in charge for his previous, its no longer his determination. you need to forget his record, yet you do no longer might desire to. Plus, he lied to you. despite in the event that they weren't "lies," he hid the fact from you. end: guy=scum. you probably did the splendid element. 2 kudos for you.

Answer 8

for any one's point of view (man or woman), it is wrong to do background check on anyone because it is digging on someone else's privacy.

Any person who is being background checked may be offended as it is invading his/her privacy.

My opinion is, in today's era and computer tech... many people do background check on anyone! Anyone who does this must also be smart to know how to discern which are craps or facts or are they really important to just throw away any blooming loving friendship/relationship.

You can even google anyone just using his code, his email address, anything you know about him... yet what you will find out are all just history and THE PAST. It can be an aide to know his views and other side of personality he doesn't reveal on you yet it is best to know the person on day to day context not the facts you may found from internet or background check.

Those facts are from past. past is past. there are home truths you may found in internet, google and facts that ALL belong in the PAST.

You can't just let the PAST overshadow the PRESENT.

You can't judge a person from such past because there are people/men who work also to change and improve themselves and mature in the process.

A person (man or woman) who keep momentos/souvenir of failed relationships perhaps he keeps them for his own reason of perhaps being sentimental?

But PAST is PAST. Nor the past be a reason or cause for any anxiety or worry or prejudice or conclusion or foreshadowing or insecurity.
Because all of us grow and change in time, in circumstances and leave the past behind and move on and usually not repeating same mistake from the past.

One can't just erase the past so you have both to learn to live with it and leave it when and where it is meant to be (in the past).

What is important is the TRUST and the PRESENT.. the "now."

It is most important that you have both TRUST with each other despite of anything from the past.

Weigh well your situation, if you can accept what you have found out and he assures you he loves you and that he past is a mere past then this is something else to consider well before everything is thrown in the air.

If your BF loves you so much and assures you of his love and dedication then don’t let any small bump from the past or from the background check in the road destroy a good harmonious loving relationship that is going on.

Building trust and having trust with each other is very important for any relationship.

good luck.

Answer 9

No there is nothing wrong in checking/picking out a good mate.

problem is, you had the mate before you checked.

Check first before leaving your things : )

Answer 10

if he had nothing to hide he would not be bother by a background check.
and if it gives you peace of mind ( or not in his case ) then why not!