Seven yo BIL trying to hurt my 11 mo. I really need advice on this one!?

Question

This is long, but I really need some advice so please take the time to read it. Thanks a lot!

Over the last few months, my husbands little brother has been really getting out of control. My husband and his older brother are 25 and 28, he is only 7. He's been the "Baby" all this time, but since my son was born his jealousy is getting scary. Here are just a few of the things he's done to my son:

Put his foot on his back and pushed/kicked him
Throws numerous toys at him
Jerks things out of his hands
Yells at him
When I was holding my son on the balcony of our porch to show him some things outside he came over and pushed his chest really hard. Had I not been holding his hands, he'd have fallen over 10 ft.
Shakes him
Squeezes his wrists
Every time I've told him to leave him alone (not nicely), and MIL has told him to stop, but he just tells her to shutup

Okay. This is over the last few months. I get soooo mad every time, and MIL usually smacks his leg or yells, but nothing ever

TBC...

really comes of it. He just rolls his eyes.
Well, yesterday we were over at thier house for our sunday visit, and while he and my son (I watch his ever move while we're there) were playing in the toybox he put my son in a semi-headlock and pushed him over. MIL yelled at him to stop and I picked up my son and told him to play with me. (which obviously pis$es my MIL off) A few minutes later BIL is sitting on MILs lap and my son crawls by and he kicked him in the back! I didn't know what to do! I don't think it's my place to yell at another kid but I told him that the next time he touches him, it'll be the last time he sees him. MIL smacked his leg again, and he rolled his eyes. I just lost it. I took my son and went to the bathroom and was crying. She never addressed me or the situation, so when my FIL woke from his nap I told him about everything that has happened because MIL won't ever say anything. The little brat just gets away with EVERYTHING! He spanked BIL. I went to my MIL and

and tried to explain why I had talked to him and she said "well, I already smacked his leg" and was SO MAD at me. I just told her that it's her responsibility to control her son, and it's my responsibility to PROTECT mine, and we left. Well, I fully expected to get in the car and have my husband back me up but instead he claims that I overreacted and that I blow everything out of proportion. I need someone to tell me he's crazy. I need to know that I wasn't in the wrong. I told "D"H that I didn't want to take him over for a visit for at least two weeks and that he wasn't spending that night anymore (because if he'll do that with me watching, what is he doing when I'm not there?) and he said he'd be dam*ed! He said I wasn't going to hang her grandson over her head. Well, the way I see it is, if she cares so much about her grandson, than his safety will be JUST as important to her as it is to me and she needs to know that if she expects to see her grandson, she's going to have to keep

HER son under control! "D"H said he'll take DS over there anytime he wants and that I won't stop him. What am I supposed to do with these people? I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle with the whole family. The only sane one is my FIL, he said that MIL would get over it. But I don't feel like the situation is better, but worse because now he's been spanked because of my son.

Answer 1

The very first thing I would do is protect my child. If this means daddy is going to be mad, oh well. It is your job as a parent to protect your child from anyone or anything that could hurt him and if daddy insists on placing him in danger by defying you and taking him over there, he is placing your child in danger. Now. Make a report to your local child protective services office. In some places it may be the department of family services or something like that. Let them know what is happening to your child, the lack of support from your husband and your inlaws, and that you are afraid for his safety. Then let them know that this young man obviously has severe emotional problems of some kind and see if they are willing to visit the home of your inlaws and evaluate the situation and the child. It may be they can recommend counseling or something for the boy and parenting classes for your husband and his parents. NOW...WARNING. This is the proper way of going about things, but it is going to make all of them angry. Very angry. No body likes to be told their child needs help or have their parenting abilities questioned. You have to focus on your goal...protecting this precious little child of yours. He is counting on you to keep him safe and happy. It doesn't sound like any one else is interested. Good luck.

Answer 2

Sounds like Bil needs some professional help. Jealousy is one thing, but this is taking that a little too far. Has anyone sat him down and just talked to him about his feelings about the situation? Is he being ignored now that there's a new baby around? Perhaps everyone could have special Bil only time and make it an announcement and really big deal so the the attention is on Bil for that period of time? I still recommend professional help for him though, 'cause if he continues, I'm afraid you'll end up knocking the hell outta him and that wouldn't be good for anyone. Good luck.

Answer 3

Your MIL is an idiot. Does she not realize her method of hitting him has backfired and she now has a violent uncontrollable little boy on her hands? I can only imagine what his grades in behavior are like in school. Your husband is not seeing the big picture here. A 7 yr old can really harm a baby and he needs to understand that his Bro is not normal. Your child should not have to be subjected to being hit or kicked or pushed or shoved. Ask your husband how would he feel if someone did this to him.

I would take a time out as well with bringing my child around him. If your husband does not get it then oh well. Tell him if he does bring your baby over there behind your back then forewarn him that there better not be a hair out of place on his head.

Answer 4

First of all your MIL is a total B****H!!! Second, it IS her responsibility to RAISE her son, not control him, if she isn't punishing BIL when they are alone, she's probably not going to take it seriously when they aren't!! She should (or you can) instead of yelling at him, take him aside and talk to him like an adult, some children respond better if you don't yell or talk down to them. I know my son does. I agree with you that it seems like MIL is crazy and your "D"H isn't reacting enough, especially if he is around and sees any of this stuff. It is down right RUDE of them to allow BIL to do this stuff. Do they think you are going to sit back and watch your BIL abuse your infant and not DO anything about it!! It sounds to ME like BIL is spoiled rotten and doesn't even know that he's being punished for a reason. THAT'S why you talk to them like adults. and "only 7" sounds like an excuse from MIL. My niece and nephew were only 4 and 5 at the time that I was having problems with them! and THEY understood and it worked! It took a couple of times telling them in the same firm but gentle way, WHY they weren't supposed to do these things to the baby. Hope this is what you needed. Try it, anything can help, I don't think there is anything you could do to make things worse other than blowing your top. Good luck and don't stress, Babies are tougher than they look.

Answer 5

Do the parents spend time with their child? Maybe the boy feels neglected by his parents and is jealous by the way you love yours. Your husband is CRAZY!!!! The most important thing should be his child's well-being! How will they feel when the baby ends up in the hospital and social services are knocking at your door to investigate abuse? Even if the 7 yr. old is the one who does it they will say "Where were the parents?" You have every right to get pissed off! It's kind of sad because the child is showing signs of aggression which is coming from a physical need that he is not getting from his parents. Have you ever tried spending some time alone with the boy? Maybe he would enjoy that and you could have a special connection with him. It could work, just try, I have four kids ages: 9 girl, 7 girl, 5 boy, and 3 boy. It's not easy, they do tend to get jealous of each other especially the 3 yr. old. He throws the worst tantrums. I try to spend time alone with each of them when I can.
Well good luck and remember that your child's safety is what matters when it comes down to it. It's not only yours, but your husbands responsibility to protect him at all cost, yes that's his little brother but that's his CHILD.
Good luck, I will pray for you and your family

Answer 6

You're right this is long but I understand some things cannot be summed up in a few words. You should do what is right by your child! Even if it means calling the police when you child is being abused. Some people think it's cute..that boys will be boys! But that is your son and as his Mom you're obligated to protect him. For sure his Dad is not. Tell your MIL that this is abuse and you WILL NOT hesitate to call the authorities. How would she feel if the roles were reversed. Would she allow someone to abuse her child? Obviously, your MIL doesn't like you & allowing this to continue to hurt you. But don't take this..put your son first and hubby second or third or wherever he wants to be in you and your son's life. I'm praying for you!

Answer 7

Take you son out of the situation. At that age, the stupid things that your In-laws are allowing to happen can kill your child. Take your child out of the situation completely. It is drastic, but leave and tell your husband that you and his son will come home when he can keep his family under control.

If ANYTHING like this ever happens agin, take your child down to the Police Department and have the Police come visit and file charges against the parents. Not to be rude, but if your husband won't stop it, hes not worth anything as a husband or a father.

I wish you the best of luck, and if you have any questions or need to talk, send me a message, I have been in similar situations before.

Answer 8

Your MIL will have to get over it. You are right it is your responsibility to protect your son at all cost. This little brat is doing way too much to your son. Remember though that if you haul off and smack this kid, his Mother, your MIL will probably do the same to yours. It's a tough call, but I probably would not put my child down around him or let him near him until my child was old enough to defend himself and definitly would not let him spend the night there without me. There is no reason for an 11 month old to be away from his mother unless she is in the hospital with some disease that prevents her from caring for him.

In terms of your husband, if you need to lie to keep that child out of that situation do it. Read him articles on shaken baby syndrome on head injury on back injury. Tell him that his son depends on him and he is letting him down, not letting you down, letting his son down. Ask him if he wants his son to look back on his childhood and remember that his own father would not defend him or come to his rescue.

Document all of the abuse. Take pictures, keep a diary. Write down everything that happened, date, time, place, what was going on.

If nothing else works, seek help from the law and provide them with all of your documentation. Good luck.

Answer 9

I can't believe what I've just read.
Like you said in your story, it is up to YOU to protect your son. Your little BIL is young but he is old enough to know better.

The things you have described are all forms of physical abuse.
There are studies that have proven that shaking a baby can kill them...then add to that the other forms of abuse your BIL is giving your son.

If this was an adult behaving this way towards your baby what would the consequences be?
Consider this and then put your BIL's behaviour into perspective.

There have been children capable of murder (as has been seen in the news). How can you be sure that you BIL isn't capable of something as heartbreaking as murder also. I know that sounds like I'm jumping to conclusions but ultimately, the physical abuse he is giving your baby, at evey opportunity he seems to get, will cause terrible harm to your child.
I suggest you stay right away from your in-laws, especially your BIL.
If for some reason you can't stay right away from them, find out who this sort of thing can be reported to and report it. Surely there is something intellectually wrong with your BIL for him to exhibit that sort of behaviour!

Answer 10

look..I didn't need to read all of it (I got to part 3)- that bro in law is a rotten brat and a bully and there is no way I would have my child anywhere near him- just tell the in laws that you and baby will not be attending anything or anyplace that the brat is, especially since it is evident that they can not or will not control him. Do not allow the little monster into your home either. No need to be nice about it at this point. I wouldn't wait until he maimed or killed my child before I did anything. If he gets punished because he is hurting your child then so be it..he needs his a$$ whipped anyways. You watch..he will be torturing animals next..another killer in the making

edit: and YES I agree with the previous poster- good advice about calling in the police if you have ANY trouble with them, it also might not hurt to get in touch with children and family services or child welfare or whatever they call it