Southern Grandmothers?

Question

SOUTHERN GRANDMOTHER ON THE WITNESS STAND


Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't
prepared for the answer.

In a trial a southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman, to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded. "Why. yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I've known you since
you were a young boy; and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me.
You lie. you cheat on your wife. and you manipulate people and talk about
them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the
brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit
paper pusher. Yes. I know you.

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do. he pointed across the room and asked. "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why. yes, I do, I've known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and. in a very quiet voice said, "if either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair!"

Answer 1

I haven't heard that one in forever, THANK YOU.

I feel l should give in return for that bright spot to my day.
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What do you get if a Parakeet is run over by a lawnmower??? Shredded Tweet
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There was a midget cowboy down in Texas whose testicles ached almost all the time.

The midget went to the doctor and told him what the problem was. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants.

The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, usual method to check for a hernia.

"Aha!" mumbled the doc and putting his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again.

"Aha!" said the doctor and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip, snip, snip, snip on the right side then snip, snip, snip,snip,snip, snip, snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that the snipping did not hurt.

The doctor then told the midget to get dressed and see if they still ached. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around the doc's office and discovered his testicles were no longer aching.

The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it... What did you do?"

The Doctor replied, " I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots"
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Why did the Chicken cross the road??

to spit on the grave of Coronel Sanders

to burn down Chick -fil-a to bribe the Chick-fil-a cows

to end the even older jokes "Why did the stego cross the road" and "Why did Adam eat the fruit? To doom all mankind for 6000+ years"

to outdo the antics of the great daredaevil "Evil Bo Wevil"

to give the Roadkill Cafe something to sell

to make the chickens in the Cagle's Trucks feel better about their lives

to give the Sanitation Department something to talk about

to be liked by the Cool Chickens
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Did you here about the midget fortune teller that escaped from prison?? The newspaper ran a story. It read "Small Medium at Large". Don't worry though. She was hit by a car. Her last words were never saw it coming.
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One easter day a farm's Rooster was strutting around when he saw several multi colored eggs. He immediately ran over and beatup the local Peacock.
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A man was sitting in the second floor of a bar one day when the guy next to him says "Hi, my name's Nick, you new here??" "Yes" responded the gentleman. "OK, say have you heard about the wind in these parts?" "No Nick, Why??" "Well it's amazing, Here I'll show you, I will jump out the window, the wind will spin me around 3 times and then push me back in" The newcomer figured the man was just drunk. He nearly peed himself when Nick jumpout the window, was spun around 3 times, and pushed back in. The shocked newcomer was so excited he jumped up and quickly hopped out the window and----SPLAT!! Nick proceeded to go order a draft from the bartender. As the bartender handed over the beer he looked at Nick and said"Ya know, You're mean when you're drunk Superman"
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A blonde walks in to the local Mega Lo Mart, picks out her item goes up to the clerk and politely says "Hi, I'd like to buy this TV" The clerk looked at her and politely responded"Sorry Ma'am, We don't sell to blondes" Undaunted she went home, and the next morning put on an Aubern wig, went back to Mega Lo Mart, grabbed the exact same unit went up to the clerk and as politely as possible said"Hi, I'd like to buy this TV". The clerk looked at her and once again said "Sorry Ma'am, we do not sell to blondes" This continued every morning for a week or so when finally she came back in a full disguise dressed as a man. After going through the same routine, she let out an angry scream when once again the clerk replied "Sorry Ma'am we don't sell to blondes". At her wits end she asked "How did you know it was me??" The clerk looked at her politely and replied "Ma'am you're holding a Microwave"
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A man car breaks down near a farm. The man goes up to the farmer asks to borrow a phone. The farmer replies "Sure" and calls out for his Pet Pig. Up comes a pot bellie pig with 3 peglegs. It hands the phone to the guy with the breakdown. "Wow, some pig" The farmer responded "You bet he is, This pig can count, make martinis, even solve mathematic formulas" "Wow, that is amazing. So why does he only have one leg??" "You foolish city boys don't know anything, A pig this special, you can't eat him all at once"
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How does a spoiled rich girl change a light bulb?? Daddy I need a new apartment
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Some of these were mine some I borrowed.

Answer 2

Haha

Answer 3

What? Who wouldn't want the privilege of being called mother or mom? Your profile name is "memaw2be", which means you are the grandmother. What did your daughter or son call you???

Answer 4

Ha Ha! Funny! 10!

Answer 5

Thanx.... i laugh my brain out.... so now I don't think about anything but to never ask anything to an old lady.. lol

Answer 6

LMFAO....10

Answer 7

old women, all men should fear them.
this is really funny

Answer 8

LOLZ!!! beyond hillarious!!

Answer 9

ha ha ha that is my grandma

Answer 10

LOL HARPER VALLEY PTA!!!!!!