I have been dating this girl who is overall pretty cool, but doesn't seem to show much regard for how I keep my living space. She likes to come over and cook for the two of us---which is great---but she never cleans up the mess, or even offers to help. She's also like that if she comes over and has a drink or snack with me. In fact, she'll usually just leave the empty (or half empty) glass or plate on the kitchen table or coffee table.
The other night, she came over and cooked dinner. After she finished, I commented on how we should probably clean everything up. She said we didn't need to. I then remarked on how I had noticed that she never cleaned up or even picked up after herself when she was over. She looked at me like I had suddenly grown another head and said, "But you're a GUY! Guys aren't supposed to care about that!"
2007-09-17 11:24:58 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Honestly, I know that members of my gender sometimes lag in the cleanliness department, but I think it's a bit presumptuous of her to assume that I won’t care of someone leaves a sink full of dishes for me to clean up, or a dirty glass somewhere that I will find later and have to clean. I’m not a neat freak, but I do like to keep my place relatively tidy---and definitely sanitary. (I like to wash my dishes up after cooking something, that’s for sure)
My friend thinks I should consider breaking it off with her. I would, but I really like most everything else about her. It’s just this one quirk.
What’s your input?
2007-09-17 11:25:13 · update #1
She may be a good catch otherwise, but she doesn't seem to have much respect for your home. Over time, this could really start to wear thin, and this general disrespect could show up in other situations as well. I think that's something to have in mind before continuing this relationship. Remember, she's assuming that you won't care if she makes a mess in your home just because you're a guy. Now, like you said, we men sometimes don't put neatness very high on our priority lists, but regardless of that, people should never go to someone else's house and expect them to turn a blind eye to them (the visiting people) being slobs in the home.
All in all, she doesn't seem to have much respect for you, especially if she's going to say something like that.
2007-09-17 11:39:12 · answer #1 · answered by I'm Still Here 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well if your not that attached to her ....you may consider just breaking up with her. Honestly...speaking as a female..when I would go over to a guys house and cook him dinner I would clean up. Anything to show Im clean..and maybe good wifey material you know. If she's not even going to go to THAT level of effort then you may not want to waste your time. Then there is the whole respecting your space issue. Even my 3 yr old daughter cleans up after herself...come on now. Has she been spoiled and catered to her whole life??
Im not sure what the others here have written and suggested to you..but you should seriously consider finding a more respectful and tidy girlfriend. The last thing you want is a slob for a wife!!
2007-09-17 11:50:55 · answer #2 · answered by Perennial Queen 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You really seem to care about the girl in question. I think you should pick up the right time to talk to her and explain to her what you made clear in your message. The girl you are dating seems not like a lazy couch potato type judging from your message but rather a caring & outgoing kind of girl (cooking for both of you) and at the end if she equally cares about you she will take care of your what you (dis)like. If she doesn't take notice, then it's up to you really what to do next.
Besides, you might also consider an option of hiring a cleaning lady to help you out with tidying up. Thus, you will both have more quality time together and less 'cleaning' troubles.
PS For what it's worth, a guy who is tidy & neat is not easy to come by, so please keep this laudable quality of yours (more or less) unchanged. It is definitely an asset!
2007-09-17 11:50:52 · answer #3 · answered by Tash 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's funny. Ok, but seriously. She's being rude and I don't think you're out of line to tell her so. Doesn't matter whether you're a guy/girl/alien it's impolite to be a guest in someone's home and leave a mess. Next time she cooks ask her to help you clean up. Remind her that if she leaves a dish in the sink to wash it out. If she's a smart girl she'll get the hint and start cleaning up. If she's a stupid girl she'll be offended. I long to date a guy with manners and cleaning habits such as yours. Plenty of women are so take it in stride if it doesn't work out.
2007-09-17 12:08:47 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well there are mixed issues here
what she percieves, and what reality is
your not off the hook either, If she takes the time to cook for you why not you do the dishes, or cook for her and have her do the dishes, sharing is part of life.
if she didnt cook for you, you would be cooking and washing dishes too or ordering out-maybe try that one too
rules are bad, yet there needs to be some structure, like if you drink when you done even if half done put it into the sink--then the next one having to wash the dishes washes it.
i always rinse things out but not total wash cause i dont want to be told i didnt do a perfect job.
and some help from my experience in life to keep you truely happy and not nit pickin=I am born Jewish and finally believed Revelation 3:19&20 where Jesus says he loves us and asks us to repent and let him into our heart to be our savior and best friend.
I would truely come to know Jesus personally and then check out what Jesus teaches in the joy of salvation, telling how I let Jesus into my heart, -i told of faith Romans 10:17 that comes from hearing the word of God and Salvation with Jesus as my best friend.
peace and best to you with this domestic thing, David the sweet pea
2007-09-17 12:00:55 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What you need to do is sit down with her and tell her that you'd like it if she picked up after herself.This is your home and nobody wants to live in a pig pen ! Maybe she did not have to clean up after herself at home but this is your home and she needs to respect that.After you had this little talk with her see how it goes. .If she still is leaving you with her mess,it may be time to look for a new girlfriend.You would not want to live with her and still be cleaning up after her or married to her and living like that ! Wishing you all the best !
2007-09-17 12:31:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
TALK to her, tell her she NEEDS to help out before she leaves with cleaning up HER mess! Yeah its your place, but she should also clean up too!
Sounds like she doesn't care about making a mess at your place.
Do you go to her place? Go there, make a mess, then leave. When she throws a fit just state how she leaves YOUR place a mess, that means YOU can leave HER place a mess as well.
Or, just break it off.
2007-09-17 12:39:54 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey. I don't care if you're married -- she cooks the dinner? You clean up after.
She's your guest when she's in your home. She shouldn't have to clean up in your home. No one should. That's your job as her host.
If her home is a mess and you can't stand it ... then you've got some serious soul searching to do wrt this relationship.
2007-09-17 16:05:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like she grew up with way too much money and actually had a maid to clean up after herself. If she were taking the dishes to the sink I wouldn't think that, but since she just leaves them where she uses them, it sounds like I'm right.
Either way she sounds like really high maitenance.
2007-09-17 11:33:45 · answer #9 · answered by airjarrod 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
No point in that going on for too long. Find yourself someone a little more mature before miss demeanor gets you stuck in a bad situation!
2007-09-17 11:51:04 · answer #10 · answered by dddbbb 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋