We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2001 Survival Guide for taking a dump at work. Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE.
Definition: a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with ESCAPEE).
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH.
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME.
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER.
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.
THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN).
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS.
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR:
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH.
Definition: A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE.
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.
WATERMELON.
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
2007-09-17 10:50:26 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
jailbreak! LMAO! AWWW MY GOD!!! hilarious!
2007-09-17 22:20:05 · answer #1 · answered by Ms Medieval 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I actually have this one problem it's an actual medical condition. I am actually really skinny but my stomach is huge. NO i am not pregnant. It's been like that since I was very young. But it's where I do not poop as often as I should. It means I'm literally full of sh!t! Currently I take Aloe Vera so I'm now crapping 1 time a day. The average healthy amount of times you should is actually 2-3 a day. I still have a ways to go I guess!
2016-03-18 07:42:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
BRILLIANT
i have pasted this on to a document and am going to e mail it on to my workmates.
im a nurse and when we are really busy we run to the loo at the last minute....(we have also to have the bladder capacity of a 5 gallon tank). we have two toilets for staff on our ward. fortunately we call all feel free to have a poop anytime and warn each other not to go into the loo for a while. We all have a laugh about it.
Its a standing joke as well that some of the male nurses fart a lot because they can't get to the loo till the last minute.
2007-09-17 11:24:24 · answer #3 · answered by elsie1912 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
LOL LOL LOL LOL!!! Omg you.......that is so funny!! haha!
I have a hard time peeing in public around strangers I couldn't imagine having to take a poo at work,but seeing how I'm in construction, I don't normally have to share a bathroom with the men!!
2007-09-17 12:47:32 · answer #4 · answered by sunshine 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I have no shame I go every morning at work. I've tried timing it so that I go after the cleaner has been in to no avail, so I usually swish the old toilet duck round the rim after flushing to minimise the odour.
I'm kind and considerate that way.
2007-09-17 11:12:17 · answer #5 · answered by Buffy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
My husband has his daily visit at work. The whole shop know his routine, and if he is grumpy they know he is blocked up and tell him to go sort himself out with a stay on the toilet. I also encourage him to poo at work.. i don't want him smelling out my nice bathroom!!!!
2007-09-17 21:22:39 · answer #6 · answered by Vic 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I guess I'm an out of the closet pooper. Getting paid to go to the bathroom. It's great!
2007-09-17 11:21:42 · answer #7 · answered by Senator John McClain 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
1
2017-03-05 05:05:30 · answer #8 · answered by Skye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha Ha! Funny! 10!
2007-09-17 12:15:26 · answer #9 · answered by cats 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
cup your hands, go in the corner of your office, behind the fake tree, and make your homemade chocolate pudding, Lol :]then throw it at your crazy mean boss, or throw it out the window :]
2007-09-17 11:01:26 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 4⤋