He has a girlfriend the he has been with for 5 years. He tells me that he is tired of her attitude and that she nags all the time. He wants to leave and when he doesnt he wants to ask me to marry him.
When she calls...he doesnt speak to her very well. In fact they fight every single day. He has tried to leave her in the past but she acts like she is weak, she becomes depressed and she tells him things like...you used me. Than she threatens him that she will commit suicide.
He feels guilty and says he feels sorry for her and cant deal with things like people commiting suicide or getting sick,etc. He hardly goes to even see her and when he does its because she needs things like a ride, etc. He tells me to just be a friend for now because he wants to leave her but doesnt know if he can because he cant live with himself if she does something. Than he says that he wants to marry me and loves me and he is trying to leave her and to give him some time.
Whats going on here?
2007-09-17 10:12:15 · 19 answers · asked by Cobra S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The guy is pretty honest. He could have never told me about her and I would have never known. The fact of the matter is...I dont feel like he is just in it for fun because he is not sleeping with me, he doesnt get anything and he is the one who tells me...be a friend for now and give me time to leave her. I dont want us to start our relationship messed up and I dont want you to be hurt if Im not able to pull myself out of this relationship.
He asks me things like...would you marry me and just move out of here, somehwere far...
2007-09-17 10:17:51 · update #1
Okay now Wade! Did we read too deep into the situation now? Lets not jump into FBI-ish conclusions like were on turbo crack...or something like that.
A lot of what everyone has to say are things that have crossed my mind. In fact I realize that I need to leave. I just dont know how, what to say or when. In fact I dont even know how I will deal with him being gone...I really love the fool and have grown to bee too attached to me. This is going to hurt like a b***h.
2007-09-17 11:22:09 · update #2
okay,sounds like either you or your friend are going to have to give up. you will get tired of "waiting" for him to leave her,or he will leave her and she will get sick or kill herself.someone has to give up here. his girlfriend sounds very imature for even saying that she will kill herself for him.she KNOWS how to keep him obviously. its called playing mind games and him buying into them. there is help if he should leave her and she gets sick. he is having his cake and eating it too. if he really wanted to leave her due to being tired of her/unhappy,he would look past all the threats she has made. he must not still be around just because of the threats. he is living a double life here. i dont think its fair to you that you wait around until she gives him the "ok" to leave. it really does sound like that is what he is waiting for. by what you have mentioned of her.........doesnt seem like she will give him that "ok". this is going to depend on you and how LONG you are willing to wait on him. dont allow him to keep you waiting.its just not fair to you. she is playing games with him to keep him,and in the meantime,you are on hold.
2007-09-17 10:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by fishin for answer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's going on here? Truthfully from experience I think he wants to have his cake and eat it to. I'm sure you know that saying. One thing I must say is you deserve someone better than this. He is not going to break up with her, the fact that he keeps saying he feels sorry for her, just give me some time. That's his way of buying time to be with you both. You deserve to be treated with respect 24/7 and so does his g/f. But his g/f is not getting that from HER b/f or from you either. Do you really want to be the other woman? If he does it to her don't you think he will do it to you. Also, I wouldn't doubt that either one he is lying to you telling you she is always nagging and she has an attitude OR he is telling the truth because HE is not committed to her 100% like he should be and she knows it deep down and she is hurting. Please for your sake and for respect of HIS g/f leave this guy alone. You deserve better and you should never be with another woman's man NO matter what. It's not fair to her and it's not fair to you. Find a single man. Good luck.
2007-09-17 17:23:07 · answer #2 · answered by Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back off -- he's in a limbo situation and he can't get out of it. If you walk away for a while -- he may come chasing after you if he really loves you. Leave them alone. He has to grow a spine. Remember, there are always TWO sides to EVERY story, including his life. I had a best friend like that once too -- he stayed with his wife.....which is where he really belonged regardless of whether he was hurting himself or not in the process. You tell him you will back off but for him to leave you alone too now because this emotional crap can't drag on for you too ---- you can't allow this damage in your life. Tell him to call you when he's single and MAYBE you will MIGHT still be available.
2007-09-17 17:19:07 · answer #3 · answered by butterfliesRfree 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Like most women, you seem attracted to madmen.
This is not unusual. Most women find sane men dull and lacking in potential. This is true in our society because women got the vote.
As the Bible says: there are no righteous women.
Women, anthropologically, look for the bully. They do not look for genius. They do not look for reliability. (They will mate with these but not seek to manipulate these individuals as they stand no chance of keeping those things needed for life from the thieving rants of the bully.) If you had to placate an individual, who would you choose: the one is effective at getting stuff for the tribe or the one is effective at hoarding stuff not his from the tribe, with the exception of 'his mate'?
I say fight this instinct. God made men unequal but Sam Colt invented the equalizer.
The nut case has in fact a history of feigning suicidal ideations (sic).
Let pretend we can tell the difference between one logical end to those manipulative ***** sessions and another. And that you'd never (and no other interested party would ever, ever ...) get mad enough to shoot the psycho. Because I tell ya, I'd not like to be you when the police come looking for a suspect in that suicide (~or was it?)
2007-09-17 17:31:08 · answer #4 · answered by Wade H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Let me tell you confidently and honestly (as someone who stupidly has been there before), run - do not walk - away from this guy. He does not love you or want to be with you. If he did, he would not be with someone else. He is giving you every excuse in an effort to keep you both around. He loves her and is not going to leave her, he just wants to keep you around for as long as possible too. The bottom line is that he is just using you, he does not respect you and he definately does not care about your feelings and your well-being. Lose the loser!!!
2007-09-17 17:17:02 · answer #5 · answered by Sarah 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Leave him alone until the girlfriend gets some help she's going to be a big problem in both of your lives. Find someone without baggage. If he wanted to leave he would leave her already I think he just likes being depended on some men like that because it makes them feel more of a man.
2007-09-17 17:18:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get someone else this man will never let her go. And how would you like to feel like the other woman all the time. Or this maybe make him wake up to what he wants, give him an utimation tell him it has to be you or her and set an certain amount of time an stick to it. Be sure this is what you want before you do anything though.
2007-09-17 17:20:59 · answer #7 · answered by babyangel81981 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, it sounds like she may be insecure. If she says she will commit suicide if he leaves her, she really won't. The only reason she is saying that is because she knows it bothers him and that is the only way she can get him to stay. He needs to realize her problems are not his and he needs to do what he has to do to make himself happy. If he loves you like he says he does then he should have no problem leaving a psycho like her. If she keeps threatening to kill herself then she needs to be admitted into a psyciatric hospital where she can get the help she needs. GOOD LUCK!
2007-09-17 17:19:46 · answer #8 · answered by Star 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love you! DUH! If he really did "love" you he would dump that girl and not care what the world thinks as long as he is with you. Now he doesnt like his girlfriend either, cuz if he did he wouldnt even consider you. Now what is happening here is he likes his girl more than you and just thinks that ur prettier than her. Or, he really does like u but doesnt want to tell his girl that he's been cheating.
P.S. U NEED TO DUMP HIME IF HE DOESNT LEAVE HER IN A MONTH
2007-09-17 17:18:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must be crazy, even you are questioning if this is right, Honey if he has not left yet he never will don't you know that how many times over before have you heard of people in your situation like your self they never leave ....Do your self a favor leave and run ....
2007-09-17 17:28:31 · answer #10 · answered by lagurl714 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋