Should I or shouldn't I?

Question

My niece just lost her virginity about a week ago at a party. She doesn't want me to tell her mom but i don't know what i should do. She's only 14 and we're really close, I don't want her to hate me forever. Should I tell her mom or shouldn't I?

Answer 1

You should tell her...if you are relle close to her, you would want to protect her from dangers of her actions...

Answer 2

Why don't you take advantage of the fact that you two are so close?
I think talking with your niece about her experience would be better than telling her mother when she doesn't want you to.
Have an intellectual, informative, and mature conversation about it. Make sure she was safe, ect.
Afterwards, she might even feel secure enough to tell her mother herself.

14 is young to be having sex, but then again, if you think about today's generation, it's not exacly an abnormal behavior. She may also be very mature for her age, as well.

Answer 3

Technically, what happened to her was statutory rape - she is too young in the eyes of the law to decide if she is ready to have sex. Also, if she's having sex this young AND is hidingit from a parent, she probably isn't responsible enough to use proper protection.
In the interest of her health and safety, you should tell her mother. Ethically speaking, you aren't required to keep a secret if it makes you an accessory to a crime (and this will be an ongoing crime and place her in increasing danger).

Unless you feel your influence with your niece is enough to deter her from this physically and emotionally dangerous activity, and you can essentially take her mother's place in this situation, then yes, you should tell her mother and help her figure out an appropriate response. Try to advocate on your niece's behalf and work for her best interests. Your niece will probably resent you for awhile, but in the long run she will be thankful that you looked after her.

Answer 4

Since you are so close to her give her advise. Tell her to use a condom to protect her self from STD and pregnancy. Get writen information about STDs and pregnancy. Let her know that this important for her to have and that she should tell her mother about it.

If you see that she is still have unprotected sex, tell her mother but make sure she does not include you and maybe you can help the mom find a way to check her things where as she can get a clue of her sexual activity.

You are in a very tough situation but make sure you never loose her trust otherwise she might not trust another adult and at this age it is so important to have an adult to trust in.

Good luck to you and your niece.

Answer 5

Wow -- that is a tough situation because I'm really close to both my nieces. I guess it depends on how her parents would react -- I think you should talk in depth with her first. Remember too, she is young and she may possibly blurt it out (not on purpose to hurt you) something like "well, Aunt ** knew!!" and then they'll come down on you. I'm sorry you're in this situation because she IS only 14 and you have information because she TRUSTS YOU.....I think you should possibly just use your wise words to help her and make sure she is not going to get too deep into this stuff -- she could already be in big trouble. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I appreciate my nieces confiding in me --- thank goodness now they are adults and no I wouldn't repeat a word but they ARE adults now.

Answer 6

I wouldn't, but I would encourage her to tell her mom. If you are the one to tell, it will not only hurt your neice, but it will hurt her mom as well. Mothers and daughters should establish trust on all levels. I told my mom when i lost my virginity, and she wasn't upset about it.
Also, I would make sure she understands the consequences of sex, both physically and emotionally. Especially if she refuses to go to her mother. She needs the support of an adult female right now.

Answer 7

Maybe try to encourage her to talk to her mom herself about the situation. You obviously think her mom could handle it or you wouldnt be considering telling her yourself, so I am assuming that while her mom wont be happy about it, she isnt going to go crazy about it. Tell her that she needs to see the gynecologist and take safety precautions (ie- birth control) so talking to her mom about it would really benefit her. Even offer to be there while she tells her if it would help. Hopefully she will tell so that you wont have to. If not, i would wait to tell the mom until you see if it is a one time thing or something she plans on repeating. If she doesnt stop, or is taking unsafe measures you really need to say something.

Answer 8

Well that is pretty sensitive situation i mean the best thing i would do is educate her on everything so she want get pregnant or get and std's or anything like that it could harm her but if she dosen't wanna listen then you let her know that you will have to tell her mother but she must tell her mother but when she is ready on here own.

Answer 9

You should definitely not tell. This is something your niece needs to talk to her mother about. You'll end up being the bad one with your niece as well as her mother.

Answer 10

I wouldn't tell because you seem to be the only one she can trust. You will loose it if you tell. Just have a talk with her about sex and the risk. I talk to my daughter and try to keep things so that she can tell me anything, I don't get mad at her even though I want to sometimes, but I am afraid that if she gets in trouble she won't tell me or wait too late and try and handle things herself. We have a good relationship so far she is 15.

Answer 11

I would not squeal. But I would have a very long chat with her and tell her the facts of life. Not just about getting pregnant either. The STD factor and AIDs and the scary stuff out there.